SALVE TO MY WOUNDS

Yesterday in therapy we discussed me giving the guilt, shame, condemnation, fears etc. over to the individual who makes me react to those. My mum and dad. My brother we will tackle at another session. As that is more of a delicate issue involving the sexual abuse.

Even though my dad has been dead over twenty years, this still applies.

I went this morning to see my mum. Right away I had the opportunity to put to use the tools my therapist told me to use. Warding off the snide comments from my mum of my appearance. She uses the word matronly . There are two words I detest. Matronly and Fondly. You either like, love or hate me.

It is not easy. In order for me to heal further, I need to implement these tools. Giving back what she feels herself. That is all it is. She is so uncomfortable with herself for years she transfers her pain to me.

So silently under my breath when I am attacked face to face, (she does not listen to reason) I first rebuke the attack. Then say "This condemnation is not mine. I am not taking on the guilt and shame it brings." And if I remember to also add, "God is pleased with who I am." That I am fearfully and wonderfully made. In His image!

Right now these are words I am saying. Anger still builds up in me when I am attacked BUT.... it is a beginning.

I am confessing what I know is to be truth. As I trust my therapist. And most of all I am trusting what God says.

One day the truth will stick in my little heart and become like a salve to my wounds.