"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


I had something frightening happen to me a couple of weeks ago. A fright I have never encountered before.

I was at a monthly event at one of the three church's I go to. The church has been converted from a gymnasium. The ceilings are very high. Well, in the past I really had not had any problems with laying on my back on the floor (this is a free-flowing church) or the row of chairs looking up at the ceiling while worshipping. Until two weeks ago. The ceiling and walls are literally painted black for the lighting, video screen and atmosphere benefit.

Anyway, I am on my back looking up into black abyss (as it seems to go on for ever). All of a sudden, like a wave which comes and knocks the wind out of me in the form of unbelievable fear and evil!!

I had to close my eyes quickly and tightly. Covering my eyes with my hands for added protection. I began to tremble. My little girl was soooo frighten!! But, even closing my eyes did not help. The fear went beyond knowing that even though my eyes were closed whatever was out there I felt still there! Only way I could rectify the fear was to sit up. Which I did quickly. The fear then quickly left as it came on. I did this a few more times. To see maybe my mind was playing with me. No. The fear came the minute I opened my eyes to look up.

At home, looking up from my bed or the floor to the ceiling I have no problem.

I went to two churches this weekend. One that is my main church and another one I visited. I tried the experiment at both as well. Even though their ceilings were lower and not painted black like the gymnasium's church, the fear came again. Not as strong though. But, it was there.

I believed God gave me a revelation Sonday morning at my main church while laying down on the ground as the fear enveloped me..... Oh.... so you do not think I just lay down in church while the service is going on, I do not. I am well hidden up in the balcony of the church and this was before the service started. So, here I am laying there and boom the fear comes. So right away I thought.... "maybe it has something to do with being on my back when my brother was sexually abusing me?"

I am not discounting the possibility of the sexual abuse. But I think there is something even deeper still. My spirit has been really restless since two Saturday's ago. Increasing more this past weekend.

Since this particular fear does not happen at home or other places, but only within the last two weeks in a church environment. When other people are present gathering for healing, praise and/or worship.

I do know for a fact there is tremendous amount of spiritual warfare among Christians. Many do not even know they carry strongholds. Even into their own churches.

When I am overcome with this fear, my little girl is extremely frightened and reacts like a little girl by shutting her eyes. If I had covers, I would duck under them. Like there is a boogieman out there. And why only when I lie down looking up. It does not happen when I lie down looking to the side. Or when I am upright looking up. But only on my back looking up. There may be no significance to what position I am in. Right now, it is laying down that I feel this presence the greatest.

Possibly I could be tapping into a spiritual realm of some sort as I heal. I do not know.

About six months ago I was prophesied over that I am very sensitive to evil spirits or bondages present surrounding me. Even to the point I would be able to see some latched onto people and discern. That has not happened yet. And even scary to think about. Maybe it is trying to, and that is why I close my eyes to it. Too many "maybe's."

For the longest time when I sense something not right in my spirit, I do not have peace about it. My spirit is uneasy. I am not always able to express what I am feeling in words. I just know there is an inner peace that lacks when things are just not right.

I have never been down this road before with this "particular" physical fear that is happening with me now. I cannot even imagine what the purpose would be or the significance right now of what I am feeling. I just know it is very real and heavy. And since it is fear, it is of satan.

I feel in my spirit when this happens next time, to immediately go into my prayer language and see what develops. Asking my Heavenly Daddy to show me what is going on and how to deal with it.

Maybe this is a new gauge where I can test and feel the warfare of my surroundings. Just throwing that out as a possibility.


  1. JBR what you're encountering could easily be warfare in the heavens. Asking God to further reveal to you what's happening is wise. Satan is very manipulative and impressionable. But, if your spirit is wise and strong, you'll be able to discern. God Bless.

  2. JBR, equip yourself with His Word...Be strong in the Lord's mighty power. You will know...Enemies cower at the mention of our good Lord's Name. May the Lord's guidance and protection cover you. Take care.

  3. I believe we are in the midst of a battle. All around us there is a battle-taking place in the Spiritual realms, both inward and outward. Through the Spirit, we can become aware of this battle and know how to live in victory, rather then defeat. Understanding the dynamics of the battle, and how we're to engage the enemy is vital if we want victory.

    The Bible, revealed through the Spirit of God, has unveiled the invisible world, which surrounds us. In this spiritual world, we've an enemy who is at war with us, and wants to stop the kingdom of God from advancing. Satan and his fallen angels are the enemy! They seeks to take destroy us, making us ineffective against their work. There's a battle raging all around us, and the tools are in full force.

    That's why we're to put on the full armor of God.

    For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6: 12(NKJV)

  4. Thank you for your comments on my posts! And I am too sensitive to my surroundings of evil as well. I feel as Daddy has given me the gift of testing the spirits! This is pretty odd, it must be a breakthrough! Maybe God doesn't want you to be afraid of something? Maybe He wants you to use His word when this happens? Only Daddy knows.

    Know that we are at war. Soon as we get close to God the enemy likes to shake that faith. Remember he's around trying to devour. Devour a blessing, a breakthrough. Christ is our strength. Our fortress. Our almighty! OVERCAME THE LAMB!

    I'll pray that Jesus's blood washes over you. Blessings!

  5. I don't know what to say. My first thought was the devil was attacking you in your vulnerable position but that could very well be linked with the position of your sexual abuse. I would try it again and I would open your eyes, praise God in the highest, praying for God to keep evil out of your way. I think this could be a great breakthough for you. Have you had anyone with you? Maybe someone can go with you and pray over you. ((HUGS))

  6. JBR, When you are on your back feeling that fear, try to think back to the first time you felt such fear (as in when you were being abused). Then imagine Jesus entering that situation and speaking words of love to you. I don't know, but that's something that has helps me to overcome things from my past.. Blessings to you this Christmas week.