HIDDENNESS

This is the third time I am sharing this particular devotion.

I usually share it at the end of the year. Taking a yearly evaluation of myself per sey.

You will see from this devotion the benefits of hiddenness. Jesus saw it.

Even though I have improved over these few years, there remains still some emotional scars from my past in my hiddenness. Self discovering more and more how I was neglected and shamed growing up. Missing out on the love and nurturing.

Today I realized just how dead "some" of my feelings regarding love remain. There is nothing there emotionally for now. Deadness in hiddenness I call it. I cannot even go through the motions. This has been my plea for a few months that I feel the love of God especially.

My little girl deeply desires to be loved. She is realizing in her pain, just how dry her little girl's heart is to be noticed and affirmed worthy. In a good way. Not a prideful way.

Right now I am still called into hiddenness in "certain parts" on my journey to freedom. During those times my flesh cries out to be noticed! My little girl feels the hurt. In her heart of abuse, neglect and abandonment from her past. It is still a deep wound and a painful area to be in at this time!!

On the whole, I believe I have much more to learn before my Heavenly Daddy releases me in this particular area. Frankly, I do not think I would be able to handle the attention full force right now. As much as my heart aches for the attention and to come out of hiding, my Daddy knows best. He is having me stay in the background......for now. Molding and making me more like Him. Maturing me. Developing me. Refining areas that are rough and abrasive. Making sure once I come out of hiding I will have enough resources in Him to stand firmly. Forever continuing to seek and depend on Him as I continue to find my true self!

Hiddenness is an essential quality of the spiritual life. Solitude, silence, ordinary tasks, being with people without great agendas, sleeping, eating, working, playing … all of that without being different from others, that is the life that Jesus lived and the life he asks us to live.

It is in hiddenness that we, like Jesus, can increase “in wisdom, in stature, and in favour with God and with people” (Luke 2:51). It is in hiddenness that we can find a true intimacy with God and a true love for people.

Even during his active ministry, Jesus continued to return to hidden places to be alone with God. If we don’t have a hidden life with God, our public life for God cannot bear fruit.

One of the reasons that hiddenness is such an important aspect of the spiritual life is that it keeps us focused on God. In hiddenness we do not receive human acclamation, admiration, support, or encouragement. In hiddenness we have to go to God with our sorrows and joys and trust that God will give us what we most need.

In our society we are inclined to avoid hiddenness. We want to be seen and acknowledged. We want to be useful to others and influence the course of events. But as we become visible and popular, we quickly grow dependent on people and their responses and easily lose touch with God, the true source of our being. Hiddenness is the place of purification. In hiddenness we find our true selves.

by Henri Nouwen
Happy New Year