"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, January 10, 2013


Last weekend I had the opportunity to take pictures of the black abyss I see when I lay on my back on the seats at one of the church's I go to (which is a converted gymnasium) and look up.

Now picture I am on my back looking up. The big object on the side of the wall is a fan. The ceiling is painted black. You see a steam of light from the ceiling.

These are not the greatest pictures but you get the idea. Very ominous.

I was only able to take the picture before having that fear over take me once again. As well as I can only look at this picture so long until that fear envelops me.

For those who do not have a clue what I am talking about, you can read all about it HERE


  1. Can't help but eyes be directed to the fan and the black ceiling...I was feeling "suffocation" myself as if I was there...

    For some reason, the light seems to remind me that His hope and redemption is always there, able to penetrate the darkness that surrounds one. JBR, praying for His Light to strengthen you as you emerge from those dark areas in your journey. Blessings to you.

    1. Wow.... Rosel you just jarred a memory by talking about the fan. As a kid I have always been afraid of fans. Do not know why. Suffocation, wow that makes sense. Now to figure out....

    2. Funny how the sight of a fan should help us breathe...But instead, I felt suffocated. I remember when I was little, I was afraid of fans because my mom always told me not to put my fingers through or else my fingers would be chopped off! Being little, you could imagine the distance I had when fans were around me.

    3. Thank you Rosel for replying back. Yeah, I cannot sleep with any kind of fan going. I remember last year my a/c going out, and I had difficulty sleeping because I had the ceiling fan going on all night.

      Some how I remember something in my childhood that this thing was a menacing machine monster that would catch on fire or something. Something powerful.

  2. Praying about this hon, asking God to give you a revelation on it.



  3. Like 'rcubes' what I see is the light that overcomes the darkness. Perhaps that is the way, place your focus on the light as though it were the light of Christ and not that of the darkness that tries to consume you. You can beat this for with the Lord, nothing is impossible.

  4. The darkness does look scary and ominous. Like those above, I agree that it is better to focus on the light so you can no longer see the darkness.

  5. I have an odd feeling about the dark too. I always feel like something will come out of it. I always leave the tv on when I sleep and if a light goes off in the house I am used to having on, I'll flip out. Light always makes me feel better, like it's protecting me...but I hope God reveals more to you what this means, blessings JBR.

  6. Laying on your back is a vulnerable position. Yes, I think it may have to do with your abuse. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it, even in a church. I've never heard of this kind of worship before. Do you have to lay down? I'll be praying for you also.

  7. Bless you for sharing.

  8. Hi Grace,
    I read your other post and I think you might be onto something where the position of your body is concerned. Lying flat on my back makes me feel powerless and defenseless. Plus, I always have nightmares (including demonic attacks) if I sleep on my back. Which I try never to do...lol. My sister refuses to sleep on her back too for the same reason.

    The ceiling is pretty scary looking but I love the shaft of light piercing the darkness. May the light of Christ pierce our own darkness and fears!

  9. HI GRACE - perhaps some time in the "light" will help balance and 'lift' you from the abyss.
    Love Gail

  10. I told my sister Liz about your problem. She said when she was looking for a church she didn't stay at one unless she felt the presence of God there. She said she had to feel peace in her heart in order to stay at any church. Maybe you need to look around at other churches.

  11. I will pray that God gives you revelation...I don't feel like He is revealing anything to me...I wish I was more helpful...Many blessings. I have missed hearing from you :) Shana