"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, December 21, 2012


Something clicked last night after my therapy session while I was driving home. In therapy I spoke about how I still struggle with, I guess you could say, zoning out. Most notably at church. Because I spend a lot of time there. Granted, I am in the Holy Spirit a lot of the time. So I am on a higher plane. But, still I know I have difficulty with keeping present and what is going on around me. Especially when someone is talking.

Now it makes sense. Being I conditioned myself as a young girl that way. To protect and survive the trauma of my upbringing. Tuning and zoning out was my safe haven. No wonder I was such a poor student at school. I never paid attention.

Now, that I want to listen and retain what I hear these days, I am finding out just how difficult it is. Someone could tell me "so what do you think about what such and such said?" Having a blank look on my face as like did I miss something? Where was I? My body was present, but my mind was not.

I am beginning to understand of how much of life I missed out by tuning out! Aggravating to me now. Which is a good thing I suppose. Because I want to be in the present. To be able to comprehend and know what is going on. I really have no reason now to want to zone out. I just need patience with this healing.

You know, this may have something also to do with the recent enormous fear I have been experiencing while lying down and looking up at the ceiling at church. See HERE. Sensing something so terrible/evil that my little girl,still arrested, cannot handle. Let alone remember right now. But, whatever it is, it is getting closer.

"Heavenly Daddy help me to be patient as You continue to heal and put together my damaged thoughts. Giving me healthy and vibrant recall. Daddy I also ask when I approach the fear with the black abyss ceiling, that You show me what is going on. It is even frightening to even think about what is out there. Right now I do not know and my little girl is scared to face the unknown. Daddy help me to remember to call on You when I open my eyes and face the fear! In Jesus' name, amen."


  1. Hi JBR,
    Zoning out, that is something I do. I hate it, but sometimes someone is talking to me and I forget to listen.

    I wish you a Merry Christmas and may God bless,

  2. I zone out a lot, like a lot. My mind goes somewhere else half of the time. Sometimes I don't even know what's it doing or contemplating. It's so odd that God would focus back my mind on His peace. I forget things in like 5 minutes you tell me and my mom gets fed up... Lol I'm an escapist so I day dream about 50% of the time.
    Lord, bless and watch over JBR! Amen!

  3. There are things that I purposely zone out so I won't drive myself crazy, and now I do that a lot too. I try to tune in when I am at church.


  4. Oh, I have the same problem JBR! Sometimes I think I am better at tuning out rather than tuning in! But effective listening is something that needs to be learned, and I continue to work on it. It's really frustrating when I have missed something, especially at church, and it's a constant prayer of mine to be able to focus and stay tuned in. :)

    Blessings and love to you for a holiday of joy and His amazing grace!

  5. Dropping by to say Merry Christmas and although it hurts, it helps to see the good things, the positive things and what to be thank for during this time of year. I wish you all the best, to be healed, restored totally. I pray that you will forget and forgive and go on with your life. what is done is done, we cannot change anything about it. Those that hurt you had been under the enemy and they needed prayer too to be saved.
    YOu ar eon the right path, you found God and let his love saturate your soul, spirit and body and don't pay anymore attention to enemy's whispers. You are a precious child of God and He does not want you suffering like that.
    Hope, I really can ease the pain you are feeling and help you to forget what happened and can enjoy the life that you have now.
    Have a Merry Christmas JBR. You are J- Jesus B- beautiful R- rainbow. You are colorful, beautiful and spreading colors around you.

  6. Just thought that artists zone out a lot
    other people are just cut-throat

  7. I can understand why someone who has suffered a lot of pain and abuse would get in the habit of withdrawing and retreating by zoning out. It's good that you are making progress in realizing why.

  8. Praying for you during this trial and test. I know you will get through this like you did all the other times.

    Lifting you up,

  9. Glad I came by to read today. Hope your therapist is able to help you with 'zoning out' which is very common in trauma/abuse victims.

    It is matter of fact a way I consider helpful that God built into our brain to be able to protect us. When we need to be protected in our core we can disassociate from reality. It is something that is so frequent during abuse that it can be hard to unlearn, but I have found that it is a lot less frequent after most of my healing has taken place.

    I think it is something good to be aware of but also good to allow yourself to use this defense mechanism when you still need it.

    Sometimes I just need to shutdown to input or a person or an event, sometime I just need a break, and so I often do my 'zoning out' walking around a store or at an antique mall. The only negative is that I can waste a whole day just walking around... my family knows when I have been gone alone for over 5 hours or so that I am probably 'wandering'. Often now when I come back home, I am refreshed like I had a nap. But as I said, earlier, I only do this maybe once a month now when it was a few times weekly and especially the day when I got home from therapy.

    I hope your therapist is talking to you about disassociating and how to ground yourself. Peppermint extract is something you can keep in your purse and smell if you catch yourself drifting and want to return. Also a splash of water to the face can help... and you will find many other ways to pull yourself back into the present when you are able to handle it.

    I always love reading your journey. It is so encouraging and I can always relate.

  10. Hi JBR,
    as I read the end of your post I was reminded of a spiritual experience I had about twenty five years ago where I had a terrible fear during the night (long story attatched),it was a very frightening experience. Then something someone had said about a bad spiritual experience he'd had where he had sung a chorus with the name of Jesus in it and the fear disappeared came into my mind. I sang a chorus with the name of Jesus in it and immediately the feeling in the room changed. We are told that 'All who call on the name of the Lord shall be delivered', and there is a power in that name which is above all other names.
    Have a lovely Christmas.

  11. I can see you are growing emotionally and spiritually through your post! Keep pressing forward!

  12. Patience with the healing, so hard at times to be patient isn't it...The fear is hard to almost paralyzing if not so at times. I pray for patience, I pray for healing for you JBR. Hugs.

  13. Blessings to you as you continue to heal, JBR. I know it's terribly hard. But you are doing it - one little step at a time.

    I zone out too - but for a different reason. Sometimes, (although it happens a lot less now) my anxiety is so high and I'm so busy trying to figure out how to "fix the problem" of whatever is causing my anxiety, that I really don't hear what people around me are saying. It is frustrating.

  14. Every single time I come over here and read, I recognize healing and recovery taking place - and I am so glad that it is happening for you. You so deserve it all.

    Blessings to you as you continue on this path. And wishing you a wonderful Christmas.

    Take good care.

  15. I love it that you call him "Heavenly Daddy"! How cool is that? To me, He is the Creator, the smile I see around me, the warmth I feel everywhere, comforting me in the form of the breeze on my face or the bird in the tree... very "good daddy"-like! :O>

    Drop by for a visit some time - I'm just starting out with a blog...

    -- SynthGirl