and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
FACING THE PLACE OF PAIN
The tears slowly began to emerge last Thursday in therapy. Desperation and fear was in bloom. Not full bloom yet. But in bloom nevertheless.
My Heavenly Daddy knows just the right amount of pressure to use. And I DON'T like it!
It was Big JBR and not the little one that was in distress on Thursday. Although I am sure since the two are connected the little one is setting off the big one. Since it is about her and the trauma she faced and endured.
Big JBR is just trying to protect herself from feeling. Which is not good. Now that is. Back when the little one was going through the trauma, she had to shut down some how to survive.
Truthly, last week, I was not a good place. I wanted to die. Literally at times.
But..... facing the place of pain is right where I am to be. To heal.
Big JBR was fighting to regain composure on Thursday. Only to lose out a few times. The little one's heart is breaking and pretty soon there will be nothing to stop nor control the emotional pain that will come out in tears.
For those of you who do not know this about me, the tears are significant. Recalling my story from past posts, I fight my pain. Out of fear. Especially when it comes to crying. Especially in therapy.
I was told and shown while growing up, from my father especially, not to cry. My earthly daddy hurt my little girl's heart something awful. So, I internalized my pain that to this day feels like a deep cut by a knife into my flesh. I was left to my own thinking and processing as a child of my surrounding and what was going on and to me.