"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, February 14, 2013


Was wondering how I could blog about this. Going to let the Holy Spirit flow through me.

A couple of weeks ago my therapist gave me an assignment. Change my appointment time to "what I felt" was more convenient for myself.

For over four years now I have been coming at the same time. Three-thirty on Thursday. I chose the later time, as I was working. My then boss was nice enough to let me leave work earlier to go to therapy. Once I was let go last year, I never changed the time.

I am a morning person. I function better in the morning. I am usually up at 4:00 a.m. To wait around until 3:30 p.m. I am exhausted mentally and these days physically. At times it was a challenge to make myself keep the appointment.

A few weeks ago, my therapist's secretary called me to change the time for one appointment because something else was going on. She had me come in earlier. Which I loved. When I arrived for my early appointment, I made a comment to my therapist that I would prefer to come in early like today and that I did not like coming in at 3:30.

Oh wow, I did not have to tell you the surprised look on my therapist's face. She had no idea that I did not like the 3:30 time slot. So, then most of our session that day was talking and discussing about what was going on with me and consider changing future appointments to my liking.

So, some of you may be thinking, "Why is that such a big deal?" Well for me it is!!!!

Sure, I can come up with a zillion excuses in order to make me look good and not feel the "false shame" that comes over me. But, since I am real, it boils down to still people pleasing. I did not want to cause any waves. I did not want to look bad. That I felt I was not important enough. I figured I have adapted to the late schedule. So keep it. Even though I did not like the 3:30 spot. That being said, we then had our ground work laid out.

So my assignment a couple of weeks ago was to make my appointment earlier in the day. That the other clients would be scheduled around me. Me!

There we go again.....Me! Why Me! That is the clincher. Perceiving this as, "why am I singled out?" Why work around me? My therapist in her loving way said, "why not?" "You are important."

So today, was my first early appointment of 1:30 p.m. Yipee! Yeah, I celebrated just a tad too early.....

Well, do you think I learned from the last time. NO! I ended up saying I still would have preferred coming in earlier. Ooops! Yeah you guessed it.

Most of today's session consisted of again "rehashing the importance of myself." So once again I was given the assignment to change my time earlier and the other client's would be scheduled around me. My insides were flip flopping. Ugh.

So, I figured I would wait until next week to call her secretary to set up my future appointments, if available for 12:30 p.m. Figuring I have a week to let today's session sink in and drum up some nerve. But No!

God you are too funny! Hee Hee..... as I am driving home my therapist secretary calls me on my cell phone for another issue. So, to nip this in the bud I figured I would get my assignment done and out of the way.

I got my appointment changed to 12:30 p.m. now for most Thursdays. Whew! This is Hard! To believe that I am important enough to be recognized and considered! WoW!

Moral of the story is "That I am Important Enough" to have other people work around me. Wow just typing and seeing those words freak me out. To see that I come first, and have others work around me! It is hard!

And the main thing that I keep reminding my self these day as well is that......

God Loves Me! Yes me!


  1. JBR you're very brave. You've grown so much over these years. Doesn't matter what other's may think is not a stumbling block to you, it's your accomplishment through Christ that makes you strong! Not weak. You're a living testimony and inspiration. God Bless.

  2. you are important and you are loved

  3. Wow, I surly do believe you and I are very much alike. :) I too am an early riser, usually 4:30 or earlier and I don't like to have things centered around me at all.

    Good for you for getting these earlier appointments. I am sure the others don't mind and maybe someone with a really early appointment will want your later one.

    Blessings hon and yes, you are very important. If you were the only person in the whole wide world, Jesus still would have died just for you. He loves you that much.


  4. What I perceive is this: how close you are coming to the Lord, your testimony is reaching others for HIM. Thus the enemy is doing a mighty number in your mind to continue to remind you of your worthlessness. Glory be to God! This is huge because the enemy has tons of others to mess with and would not bother with you unless you were having an impact for the Lord! Do you know the childhood song, Jesus Love Me? Sing your heart out with the simple but oh so mighty song and tell the enemy to back off. How delighted the Lord must be with you, working so hard, coming so far. Yes, Jesus love you, Yes, Jesus loves you, Yes, Jesus loves you. The Bible tells you so! Thank you for sharing JBR. God bless you real good this week.

  5. Yes!! You are important, special, unique and loved!

    I like morning appointments too :) Hugs!!

  6. I am more a night owl so I can feel for you how it feels to go anywhere if that's not the time that suits you best. I'm glad that you are able to get an earlier appointment. But then who knows what His purpose is regarding this time change in the long run. May His love always strengthen you JBR!

  7. I'm so glad you are starting to see your value and worth. I pray you continue to see yourself as He sees you, and to love who He made you to be.

  8. I'm happy for you jbr. Something that may be difficult for y ou, you outshine the negative.

  9. Of course you are important and you matter!! And YES you are loved. Hugs to you! :)

  10. 'but no matter what, never lose yourself'...this was the end of a tag I used on my face book page..this is what I wrote above it:
    There comes a time in everyone's life where you have to make that choice?

    Some choose to continue living in denial, to continue to live an unhealthy dysfunctional life, continue to believe that they are not worthy of anything other than what they have right now.

    Blessings, angela

  11. I get what you are saying/feeling. Your reason is probably different than mine and mine manifests differently. I just go along with whatever. It's not that I can't make choices and decisions. It is more like I guess I don't feel important enough. We are important. We are.

  12. I am going thru a difficult time JBR, sending you love

  13. Everything works together for good to those who loves God:)

  14. Yes, he does love you! You are important, and it's nice you are learning that. Your therapist sounds great.

  15. i love the steps you're taking
    forward, forward,
    and it's huge:)

  16. Love this my friend! You are a woman who is so pleasing to everyone else that I am thinking you don't take the time to see what wonderful value YOU have; what a pleasing heart you have! I know that you have a special place in God’s heart; to him you are irreplaceable! :)

    Blessings and love special and loved sister!

  17. Of course your important and it's about time you do something for your convenience!!! I can't wait to see the other changes you will make in the future. ((HUGS))

  18. Of course you are important! We are ALL Daddy favorites! I too deal with, "am I important enough? Am I good enough" a lot. It's all about building self esteem.
    Remember, no one is amazing as you JBR! We are all lovely to Daddy so He will bless us forever more.
    Hugs ♥

  19. Oh I can relate to this post JBR! Especially when it came to my psychologist. I so wanted her to like me that I was very hesitant to ask for things or to book an appointment that was more convenient for me, etc. I really get it. It is so uncomfortable for me too to ask others to work around me. Good for you for doing this exposure (that's what we would call it in the OCD world!!!). Proud of you. : )

  20. Look at you go, miss! What you did was incredibly difficult to do! I definitely struggle with people pleasing, so I can understand why you never asked your therapist to change the time before. But YOU brought the subject up! YOU were taking care of YOU! Because, yes, you are important. I am very proud of you for coming to this realization.

    Be well,

  21. Hi JBR, you are important and loved by God! All of God's children is valuable, and you are no exception.
    I pray that you have a blessed weekend.

  22. Standing up for ourselves...it's huge. Saying what we need...huge. Glad you did it. Have a super weekend out there....hey and praying for your mom.