THERAPY ASSIGNMENT APPOINTMENT

Was wondering how I could blog about this. Going to let the Holy Spirit flow through me.

A couple of weeks ago my therapist gave me an assignment. Change my appointment time to "what I felt" was more convenient for myself.

For over four years now I have been coming at the same time. Three-thirty on Thursday. I chose the later time, as I was working. My then boss was nice enough to let me leave work earlier to go to therapy. Once I was let go last year, I never changed the time.

I am a morning person. I function better in the morning. I am usually up at 4:00 a.m. To wait around until 3:30 p.m. I am exhausted mentally and these days physically. At times it was a challenge to make myself keep the appointment.

A few weeks ago, my therapist's secretary called me to change the time for one appointment because something else was going on. She had me come in earlier. Which I loved. When I arrived for my early appointment, I made a comment to my therapist that I would prefer to come in early like today and that I did not like coming in at 3:30.

Oh wow, I did not have to tell you the surprised look on my therapist's face. She had no idea that I did not like the 3:30 time slot. So, then most of our session that day was talking and discussing about what was going on with me and consider changing future appointments to my liking.

So, some of you may be thinking, "Why is that such a big deal?" Well for me it is!!!!

Sure, I can come up with a zillion excuses in order to make me look good and not feel the "false shame" that comes over me. But, since I am real, it boils down to still people pleasing. I did not want to cause any waves. I did not want to look bad. That I felt I was not important enough. I figured I have adapted to the late schedule. So keep it. Even though I did not like the 3:30 spot. That being said, we then had our ground work laid out.

So my assignment a couple of weeks ago was to make my appointment earlier in the day. That the other clients would be scheduled around me. Me!

There we go again.....Me! Why Me! That is the clincher. Perceiving this as, "why am I singled out?" Why work around me? My therapist in her loving way said, "why not?" "You are important."

So today, was my first early appointment of 1:30 p.m. Yipee! Yeah, I celebrated just a tad too early.....

Well, do you think I learned from the last time. NO! I ended up saying I still would have preferred coming in earlier. Ooops! Yeah you guessed it.

Most of today's session consisted of again "rehashing the importance of myself." So once again I was given the assignment to change my time earlier and the other client's would be scheduled around me. My insides were flip flopping. Ugh.

So, I figured I would wait until next week to call her secretary to set up my future appointments, if available for 12:30 p.m. Figuring I have a week to let today's session sink in and drum up some nerve. But No!

God you are too funny! Hee Hee..... as I am driving home my therapist secretary calls me on my cell phone for another issue. So, to nip this in the bud I figured I would get my assignment done and out of the way.

I got my appointment changed to 12:30 p.m. now for most Thursdays. Whew! This is Hard! To believe that I am important enough to be recognized and considered! WoW!

Moral of the story is "That I am Important Enough" to have other people work around me. Wow just typing and seeing those words freak me out. To see that I come first, and have others work around me! It is hard!

And the main thing that I keep reminding my self these day as well is that......

God Loves Me! Yes me!