SOAKING TEARS

For those of you who may not be familiar with the term "soaking," within the Christian realm, it is a time where either live or recorded prophetic anointed worship/praise music is present. At this time one can take in the Presence of the Lord by soaking in what you are hearing and what is being revealed to your heart through the Spirit.

I find lying down is the best posture for me with soaking. But, you can also do it standing or sitting.

Therapy today consisted of me sharing about my soaking time. While soaking recently, tears came hot and heavy from deep within my "well." I like that term "well." My therapist used it today. At the same time, I find myself questioning God, this does not feel good. I want to feel Your comfort Daddy. I do not feel that. In fact, I really do not know what I am feeling except what I would describe as deep grieving. But I don't know what hurts so much to make me grieve specifically. Was told today that it has been a lot of years of pain that I never have grieved about. Only God knows for sure what these deep soaking tears are about.

My therapist told me also to just let God do what He needs to do in order to continue to heal. There is no form. If I cry, then cry. Relax, rest and let go! Again, I may never know what I am crying about. But, my Spirit does.

So, the deeper I go into my "well" of pain, to heal, the greater the reward will be as I burst forth in receiving the joy and freedom that awaits me!

I put below a sample of prophetic soaking music. One that really ministers to me.

I just now listened to this healing soaking again below. The Holy Spirit told me to. That things would become a bit more clearer. Showing me a glimpse of what my Spirit is grieving about.

There is something powerful in this particular soaking.

So, I went to tears immediately and like having painful flashbacks of my lost childhood. I see visual of my home. Fragrences, colors, weather tempts., trees, light, dark. Feel my little girl actually breathing so young. Other events flashing by. The very few times I had with my earthly father.

I can be soothed soaking and at the same time remember the painful emotions of unhappiness. Shutting down. Depression set in at such an early age. The fear. The loss. The loss of a family. The emptiness. The empty shell I became when all hope seemed lost when our family was lost to divorce. Fully consumed in pain.

My mind is tired.