and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
Saturday, March 16, 2013
RESULTS OF SOAKING
What I have been finding out since yesterday, (see previous post) when I soak with these anointed worship and healing videos, it is amazing my mind turns into a video itself. Quick flashes of endless past memories. Memories I have never thought about. As short as the memories are, they are vivid. Down to what I was wearing. The climate. The colors surrounding me, etc. There is no volume though. I do not hear any words. Just visual. Hmmmmm.......
A flash would be me as a child sitting in the living room in Florida. Next would have me projected ten years later on a handball court in New York at school as a teenager. Then again back with a ray of light streaming down through the window on a hot day as I sit on my brothers bed in Florida. I only see myself there. Not my brother? Then as quickly as that memory came I find myself then outside laying down waiting for an approaching storm in Florida. To back to New York stepping in snow. To having my two brothers and I standing for a picture while my father takes it. To me alone in my bedroom having no one. Seeing dark cold days and nights. Emptiness in my heart. Back and forth back and forth. No real pattern. No real sense. To me nothing long enough to substantiate a purpose. Well, not yet that is. It feels like "My Life Is Flashing Before Me" so quickly that my brain tries to see everything at once at an umbelievable speed that I cannot even comprehend. Does that make sense? Hard to explain.
There is one particular soaking video which recalls my past quick. I will share it here again.
When I woke up this morning, my spirit wanted to return to this method of retrieving my past and to see what else comes up. I looked forward to soaking. Even though some of these memories are accompanied by tears, which I have been taking note of when the tears come, it is usually due to feeling a painful loss. Seeing a quick flash of my father. Seeing my little girl in a corner holding herself in emotional pain. There is something real and connective to my heart that I long for to take captive.
Soaking is a way of healing through the Holy Spirit. No way would I be able to have my mind relaxed enough to call up these memories. I would have no reason to.
Right now I have no idea what the significance or benefit of these "short installments" of my past running through my mind is. I just know I find it amazing how easy my memories flow with this anointed music than anything else. It is like I am in a different realm. Being in the Presence of the Holy Spirit brings healing.
I think right now these are safe memories. Sure, some are emotionally painful due to loss of family. But, there is much more deeper pain from the abuse that may or may not ever be revealed in soaking.
One thing, when I come out of this realm my little girl realizes more the freedom she can have from her hurts.
As well I am so aware of the Presence of my Heavenly Daddy during these soaking sessions!! He is like right there with my little one as she sits on her brothers bed. That is the realness I feel in these sessions.
Maybe the Lord is laying ground work and everything will come together.
For now, I am just soaking it in.......