and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
I had an interesting question posed to me last night that I really never had anyone ask....
"How do I envision God." See Him physically.
It was interesting because when I do envision God I believe my little girl envisions Him. Because I feel so very little when I see Him in my minds eye. Which is....
Having trouble envisioning my God other than having a blank face. Deadpan. Stocky form. Blonde short hair cut close to the head.
Not the typical answer where someone might say, "I picture God as my mean father." "Stern, critical, judgemental and has angry features." or "I picture God as holding me in his arms lovingly." "Smile on His face, compassion in His eyes."
This still shows me that my heart has not connected to my Daddy's love heart yet.
I felt I could only relate surfacely. Only could describe what I envision Him looking like. Could not put into words anymore than a description. As right now there is NO depth to feelings of my Creator, other than physical features. Not what He really is about. The love, joy etc.
I do not know why I envision Him the way I do. My earthly dad certainly was not blond or stocky. But bald and thin.
Then a thought, maybe from the enemy, was put in to my mind. I was between 7-9 years of age when my brother began sexually abusing me. My brother has blonde hair and is stocky. I do not want to dwell on the possibility of the correlation. As I do not know like I said a thought from the enemy.
Anyway, my earthly dad was distant. And I guess if there is any comparision since I described my Heavenly Daddy having a blank face, deadpan, I guess the neglect and distance of my earthly father would be somewhat similar. I do not know. Or the fear of what love is as what was so intimate and precious was destroyed by my brother of me at such an age I did not even know would be a priceless thing in the future for love, is blocking the intimacy with my Heavenly Daddy. Again I do not know.
My little girl is so very present when it comes to God that my big girl cannot come in. Only little girl words can be used or capture what He may appear to her little mind. Although the older one, when in the Presence of her Heavenly Daddy, sees and feels the manifestation of His presence, still finds it hard for her heart to relate and the little one takes over in a simple way.
I think it is interesting that my little girl is taking bits and pieces of memories, maybe which she feels safe or not with. Then applies these visual aspects to her Heavenly Daddy's features. Again, do not know? Just putting it out there.
Although it may be hard right now for me, I am going to start and envision my Heavenly Daddy more than looks. But, what He really is that is described in the Word. Was told and reminded that my Heavenly Daddy rejoices over me. The word "rejoice" in the Bible means "to dance." So my Heavenly "Blonde" Daddy dances, literally in my human mind over me with gladness and joy.
I may not feel those feeling just yet, but envisioning them is a beginning.
It Is All Or Nothing Now for me!
I hope this makes sense>