and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
I am really emotionally raw now.......
The people and authority figures at my job that I deal with daily are triggering me badly. A dysfunctional family unit I find I am walking into every day. Which brings up a lot of my earthly fathers behavior towards me growing up. The impatience, frustration, expectancy, disappointment he displayed with me. If I did not live up to his standards or got on his nerves somehow. No wonder I can be so quiet and rush through things in life. Just to get it over with and not feel I am a bother. Want to please and not be told or looked at that "I am bad." Ugh.
This next segment of my journey will be interesting. The rawness of my pain right now among these people most of the time is very over whelmingly frightening and runs very deep. At this time I have trouble seeing my little girl healing right now. But I guess my Heavenly Daddy does. As He is allowing the pain of hurt to surface once again. Since I shut down so long ago as the pain of feeling like an outcast an orphan and the feeling of lack of worth, separation, guilt, fear, confusion, condemnation, anger hurt so much at one time. Could not handle it so young. Still so young to be honest.
My goodness if I am having trouble handling the pain now as the same little girl that was hurt so long ago, no wonder she shut down. No wonder we all take different avenues to numb the pain. It hurts and is scary as all get-out!!! Don't want to deal with the hurt again.
My little girl is having to face the pain of her past when her daddy ignored her and she turned inside and shut down. Facing daily this new dysfunctional family at work where there is no affection, concern, affirmation, communication or encouragement brings up some painful and frightening feelings for my little one. Walking daily into an environment of uncertainty can result in riddicule, high expectations, pressure to perform that they and I place on my little girl in order to please and hope to win approval. Does not happen.
My little girl's heart is layed right open once again raw.