"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013


I've been digging in reserves with putting on my best mask at times in order just to get through a day and function in life. Not having to explain the deadness inside. Just going through the motions.

If there is a good side, its that my heart is more raw than ever. I guess that's good? But when the knife cuts into my rawness to see if I "am done," it hurts way too much.

Why do I feel worse then I ever have n my journey? Is it because Iam actually feeling and don;t know it?

Just want to be in those "loving" arms of my Daddy. in glory. I want to so bad to "feel" love rgtw thw pIN pain to stop \\ Don;t know the extent of love as I;bve nevery had anyone really love me

I want to isolate so bad. Give up.

Close this blog.

God's breaking of me is very painful. Daddy only want you! You! You!

My little girl cannot handle the emptiness and pain inside any more. shes dead and tired

The older one keeps it together some how in order not to have a breakdown. So manu times it feels like the older one can't hold it together any more she does it for the little one but for how long now....can she keep this up>?

All she asks for is to feel alive. What's joy? She was that one once before shutting down. Before depression and oppression bcame a part of her daily existence. She's doesnt remember what it feels to be alive....was so very long ago. has a few glimpses as a youngster then it fades

Daddy hold me hold me hold mehold me hold me hold me hold me dhold me hold me only you Daddy can heal

There is a day coming when satan will be cast down --- the gates of hell will not prevail


  1. AnonymousJuly 17, 2013

    JBR I know I don't have to be concerned when I read posts like this one from you. You stated earlier on that you will not do any harm to yourself. Your blogging is a way of expressing your pain. I am going on this premise and am confident as always that God will see you through your pain. JBR he will. Keep that in mind. God is right where you're at now. In your rawness. Full of love. Only his love can heal the pain of your heart. Praying for you. Love you. God Bless.

  2. AnonymousJuly 17, 2013

    Many people each day are walking around with enormous amounts of emotional pain. Living is difficult, they’ve lost loved ones, the future looks bleak, and they feel backed into a corner. By what you share, you hold very strong religious beliefs that will get you through. Others hold an important value on life in general, and can tell themselves that there has to be another way. Hold on my friend. Your break through is so close.

  3. I am getting awfully worried reading this. Your sudden change of tone, it frightens me! Please please be kind to yourself. God loves you.... we do too!

    1. Im not going to do myself in. Just really struggling more than ever now.

  4. I am getting awfully worried reading this. Your sudden change of tone, it frightens me! Please please be kind to yourself. God loves you.... we do too!

  5. That's what saddens me everyday...How much suffering we all go through but I know others have more on their plates. Like you. I hear many when they say "What's the worth of being here?" All I could do is pray. I know, as believers, we hunger more to be with Him, in His place...But He reminds...we are here for a purpose. To reach out to those who are still lost and who doesn't know the hope from Him. I know His grace will always sustain you. No matter how difficult the circumstances are. I pray you will remain strong. Each day. In His power. Love and prayers.

  6. Pain hurts! So very sorry yours is so raw. I know what if feels like to feel gutted, cold, numb and empty. But I also know how faithful God is. He carries us when we're unable to walk, loves us when we're unable to see any good in ourselves, comforts us when we can find no peace. He is as close as your breath ...IS your breath so as bad as you feel know you'll be okay. He hears your cries, sees your tears, is holding you close to his heart, even though you may not know it or feel it. Praying for you.

  7. Hugs to you, Grace. God loves you and is with you. I'm so sorry the pain is so great right now. Prayers for you that you will find peace and joy.

  8. Oh dear one! Grasp your pain and hug it, it means your heart is beating and the feelings are coming back. Joy will be found in amongst the pain, it will come. You know when your leg or arm falls asleep and you can't feel it? And then slowly the blood flows back in and there is extreme pain, eventually the pain subsides and you can move your arm or leg again and soon you are using it. Hang in there the blood is just starting to flow back in.

    Praying and praying for you dear one.

  9. There is only One who has a love for us beyond comprehension Grace. I share very little of my life on my blog compared with the experiences that I have actually had, but one thing I have learned is that He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed upon Him, because he trusts in Him. So keep your mind upon Him Grace. xx

  10. So sorry you are going through this severe emotional turmoil. I have not suffered a fraction of the experiences you have, but I am going through severe depression and stress at the moment, for things I have little control over.

  11. Hugs and peace and bravery....:)

  12. Thinking of you and sending up a prayer on your behalf.

  13. AnonymousJuly 20, 2013

    Praying for you JBR! Jesus is your strength and your hope. There are times myself that I wanted to close my blog as well, but keep yours JBR!
    You're a beautiful inspiration and worth so much more! Hugs dear friend we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us, you've gotten this far, keep pushing - amen ♥

  14. Praying for you, Grace.

  15. once a while life is like that

  16. JBR, you are strong and amazing, don't forget that.:-)