and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
Monday, October 14, 2013
OVER COMING SEXUAL ABUSE
Overcoming sexual abuse is very hard for me. I can still just go so far when engaging in causal conversation with the opposite sex. Fear somehow then finds its way in and invades my thoughts that "Ooooo what if the causal conversation turns into having the attention turned more seriously. Attention that is given to me as a woman? Where is that going to lead you?"
All this showing me, that conquering the demon of being sexually abused as a child and the emotional damage it has done to me is still so very prevalent. I know this! I am no dummy. I live with it daily. I know this area has been severely damaged!!!
I find my walls of defense go up right away when these "fearing thoughts" come in. Red Warning Lights are flashing before my eyes. "That is enough JBR. Things may get too serious and you will be taken advantage of and hurt emotionally and physically and scarred even more than you are now. Don't want to go beyond formalities."
I know I serve a Big God and He has taken me through and healed me from a lot of fears and emotional trauma these past five years. Still, I knew the sexual abuse would be extremely hard to overcome.
I cannot tell you the amount of paralyzing fear that still over comes my little girl when she feels threaten. Or perceive the possibility. Sure, big JRB can put on a front and kid and deflect, and appear normal on the outside to protect the little one. Just to survive and appear some what normal. But on the inside she remains an emotional mess.
I do not know if I will ever be totally set free and healed in this area this side of Heaven. I just do not know. My heart says no.
I DO know though that in Heaven it will not matter. My Heavenly Daddy may just hold my hand and walk with me here on earth the remaining years I have as my one and only true Husband. Where I do not need to fear man.
I know only a handful of you really DO understand this pain and fear. Who yourself have gone through the abuse and are living the very same thing. Thanks for listening.....