DETACHMENT

I started weekly attending a support group on 'Conquering Codependency.'

I still find myself setting boundaries with my mum. As she still manages to get me feeling false guilt which quickly turns into ANGER!

A "controlling" incident which led to MAJOR false guilt on my part happened yesterday with my mum and I. Not A Good Scene. I cannot believe, but then again I can, since I have not dealt with this part of my journey, the amount of anger and resentment I hold towards her. I do not even recognize the person of rage I become when I become so angry! But it is me. A hurt me..... going off!!

But yesterdays scene I believe FINALLY opened my eyes to my deep pain of resentment when I am triggered. I WANT to forgive her. I WANT to be set free. She is not going to change to my liking. Forgive then I can be detached freely! Okay Daddy God You have to go with me on this one. I do NOT know how to do this on my own!!! I do not know how to "love" and let alone "forgive." I only know how to react!! Help me to act NOT react in Your love.

I am seeing her this morning. For another reason, but somehow I am sure for His reason.

This devotional on Detachment may help some of us who struggle with letting go or who are in the process of a 12-step program:

Detachment
Melody Beattie

The concept of letting go can be confusing to many of us. When are we doing too much or trying too hard to control people and outcomes? When are we doing too little? When is what we’re doing an appropriate part of taking care of ourselves? What is our responsibility, and what isn’t?

These issues can challenge us whether we’ve been in recov­ery ten days or ten years. Sometimes, we may let go so much that we neglect responsibility to ourselves or others. Other times, we may cross the line from taking care of ourselves to controlling others and outcomes.

There is no rule book. But we don’t have to make ourselves crazy; we don’t have to be so afraid. We don’t have to do recovery perfectly. If it feels like we need to do a particular action, we can do it. If no action feels timely or inspired, don’t act on it.

Having and setting healthy limits – healthy boundaries – isn’t a tidy process. We can give ourselves permission to experiment, to make mistakes, to learn, to grow;

We can talk to people, ask questions, and question our­selves. If there’s something we need to do or learn, it will become apparent. Lessons don’t go away. If we’re not taking care of ourselves enough, we’ll see that. If we are being too controlling, we’ll grow to understand that too.

Things will work out. The way will become clear.

Today, I will take actions that appear appropriate. I will let go of the rest. I will strive for the balance between self-responsibility, responsibility to others, and letting go.