"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

DETACHMENT


I started weekly attending a support group on 'Conquering Codependency.'

I still find myself setting boundaries with my mum. As she still manages to get me feeling false guilt which quickly turns into ANGER!

A "controlling" incident which led to MAJOR false guilt on my part happened yesterday with my mum and I. Not A Good Scene. I cannot believe, but then again I can, since I have not dealt with this part of my journey, the amount of anger and resentment I hold towards her. I do not even recognize the person of rage I become when I become so angry! But it is me. A hurt me..... going off!!

But yesterdays scene I believe FINALLY opened my eyes to my deep pain of resentment when I am triggered. I WANT to forgive her. I WANT to be set free. She is not going to change to my liking. Forgive then I can be detached freely! Okay Daddy God You have to go with me on this one. I do NOT know how to do this on my own!!! I do not know how to "love" and let alone "forgive." I only know how to react!! Help me to act NOT react in Your love.

I am seeing her this morning. For another reason, but somehow I am sure for His reason.

This devotional on Detachment may help some of us who struggle with letting go or who are in the process of a 12-step program:


Detachment
Melody Beattie

The concept of letting go can be confusing to many of us. When are we doing too much or trying too hard to control people and outcomes? When are we doing too little? When is what we’re doing an appropriate part of taking care of ourselves? What is our responsibility, and what isn’t?

These issues can challenge us whether we’ve been in recov­ery ten days or ten years. Sometimes, we may let go so much that we neglect responsibility to ourselves or others. Other times, we may cross the line from taking care of ourselves to controlling others and outcomes.

There is no rule book. But we don’t have to make ourselves crazy; we don’t have to be so afraid. We don’t have to do recovery perfectly. If it feels like we need to do a particular action, we can do it. If no action feels timely or inspired, don’t act on it.

Having and setting healthy limits – healthy boundaries – isn’t a tidy process. We can give ourselves permission to experiment, to make mistakes, to learn, to grow;

We can talk to people, ask questions, and question our­selves. If there’s something we need to do or learn, it will become apparent. Lessons don’t go away. If we’re not taking care of ourselves enough, we’ll see that. If we are being too controlling, we’ll grow to understand that too.

Things will work out. The way will become clear.

Today, I will take actions that appear appropriate. I will let go of the rest. I will strive for the balance between self-responsibility, responsibility to others, and letting go.

19 comments:

  1. Awesome to hear from you and praying all is well with you, too!

    ThIs morning from my devotion, I just read that oftentimes many pray for directions or guidance then forget to involve the Guide. I sense that knowing when to have the proper boundary is the same as asking for HIs discernment. I pray that for you thIs morning. As my faith is also blessed by what you shared.

    Be strong in the Lord's mighty power!

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  2. I especially like that last paragraph of the devotional. Blessings to you, Grace.

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  3. Oh, I really like this.

    I've been in relationships where I've been codependent and so can relate to this. It's a hard thing to do, to pull back, to "be appropriate"; and yet it is such a gift to give yourself.

    Nice post.

    Pearl

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    1. Thank you Pearl for sharing. Hugs.

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  4. Thanks for sharing, JBR! ". . . - healthy boundaries - isn't a tidy process." Ugh!!!!!! Oh how I wish it was! I like everything wrapped up with a pretty little bow. But, life doesn't work like that.

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  5. This is great- a very wise piece. I am so glad you are back with us here in blogging land!

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    1. Shelly, yeah, I may do a post here and there. :)

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  6. I'm sorry for what you are going through with your mom. I am seeing this behavior in myself with our daughter. I think as a mom sometimes we just can't help ourselves and maybe it is something from our past that makes us this way. See my mom drank and wasn't there for me, never gave me direction. Maybe I am over the top with my daughter trying to control her every move. I am going to try harder to be there for her without the controlling and praying you can forgive your mother for her behavior. Asking God to bring peace to both of you. ((HUGS))

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  7. so sorry to hear that...
    sending big hugs to you!
    blessings!!

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  8. being on f.b. and your blog sight is a grand idea! there are times when I do not want to post comments on f.b. due to privacy reasons...this is perfect.
    you are preaching to the choir on the subject...someone very close to my heart that i'm around 24/7. this challenge to "detach" is huge and the very word i've been using when I pray after each relapse of my promises to God!
    thank you once again for opening yourself up to God and to all of us with your honesty! xoxo

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  9. Hi JBR! Thank you for your visit to my blog, it's nice to be reconnected. I am so glad that you could see your reaction to your Mom for what it was...things that are not resolved can just play havoc with emotions, as you well know.

    I hope your group will help you to move forward. It's a long process, but I know you are motivated, and that's the best thing of all.
    Blessing to you on your journey to forgiveness,
    Ceil

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  10. I've always loved your honesty, Grace. Visiting family should come with a warning attached. Warning: proceed with caution. You are about to be thrust into your own past! Lol. It's like an automatic button or something :) But as you say, we can learn to "act" and not "react" by the grace of God.

    Sending you a big hug!

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  11. Amazing isn't it how some of the people who are supposed to be closest to us can drive us around the bend ! And yet it's good to learn to act (or be proACTive) vs react so we have no regrets when time is up.

    I agree that the forgiving part can be very difficult, but we have a great example before us. May your prayers for strength be answered.

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  12. Depend on the Holy Spirit, who is her to be our Help and Guide.

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  13. detachment is like going to war. It's so touch but necessary to live happy. Way to go JBR...wishing you an amazing day.....hugs for me to you.

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  14. I have a relationship like this in some ways. Good to see you blog. Hang in there.

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  15. JBR, I have the same exact issues with my mother. I don't want her touching my things, when she snaps at me I get so mad and start throwing things, holding a lot of resentment in, trying to forgive but it's hard to. Thank you for sharing, always praying for you JBR <3

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