"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, March 01, 2014


"We go back … and back … and back … through the layers of fear, shame, rage, hurt, and negative incantations until we discover the exuberant, unencumbered, delightful, and lovable child that was, and still is, in us...." - Beyond Codependency

When I saw this picture to use for this post of the little girl in the box having a good time, I right away flashed back to a big box that I did not play in but found comfort where I would even sleep in until I wore the box out when I was very sick as a child.

I recall my parents had to take me to the doctor almost on a weekly basis because I was constantly getting very ill and complaining about pain. I remember getting shots on a regular basis and then finally catching on at 5 or 6 years of age that going to the doctors brought pain. Apparently I then began complaining of having a stiff neck. Which then resulted at the young age of six having a spinal tap!!!

To this day, that spinal tap is so vivid in my memory and body. It was a very traumatic time for me. I remember at the hospital being wrapped up and being bound feet, arms and body in heavy duty white tape to hold me still. If any of you know about spinal taps, you cannot be put out or let alone given any pain meds. Because the doctors have to have you awake in order to make sure when they stick that long needed at the base of your spine to retrieve the fluid that you are absolutely still and that they did not miss the spine. Otherwise one wrong move and you are paralyzed. So, glad I did not know that as a child. BUT IT WAS VERY PAINFUL! To this day I still remember screaming my head off and eventually had no more voice as I wore myself out and my throat. In the end, I did not have meningitis. Just had a stiff neck.

So getting back to the insert above, the real me, the real you is under all our pain. I am, and you are the happy little girl in the box of play.


  1. Hi hon,
    I have heard spinal taps hurt. So sorry you had to experience that as a wee one. Being bound up, even if it is for our own good, can cause trauma on children.

    Boxes and I are not friends. I had a traumatic experience when I was 4. My sister and I were playing and my sister suggested that we hid under a box and the other will sit on the box and when the one under wanted out all they had to do was knock and the one sitting on the box would let them out. So I went under the box and my sister sat on it. I got really scared and knocked on the box and my sister wouldn't let me out. I freaked out and started crying and she still wouldn't let me out. :( Finally, she realized that I was really scared, she got off the box and told me she was so sorry, she had no idea I was being real. To this day I am claustrophobic.

    When my children were younger they loved to pay in boxes and if available they still do!

    Blessings hon,

  2. The spinal tap sounds like it was a very traumatic experience. Just one of many traumas that you suffered as a child. I love the image of the happy child in the box. Many blessings to you, Grace.

  3. Oh what a horrible experience as a child!! Ugh.

    Though this is not at all comparable, I will share anyway. I spent so much time in the dentist's chair at the age of 3 getting filling after filling, that is am, at the age of 45, very dental phobic. All I have to do is hear a dentist's drill and I want to run far away.

  4. Hi sweet friend! What an unpleasant memory, but also an encouraging way to describe our pain; "the real me, the real you is under all our pain." The joyful child IS in us beneath the pain and sorrows we encounter because of our great faith and love! ♥

    Blessings Grace; love you!

  5. Oh what a horrible memory!
    I used to hide whenever I had to go to the doctor.
    My worst memory was when I burned my chest with hot coffee at the age of 3, and the doc had to pull my undershirt off bringing with it layers of skin!
    My older sis used to threaten me with a trip to the doc if I didn't behave.
    I was such a creative child, I used to make stuff out of everyday things like boxes all the time.
    ((hugs)) & God bless~ Lisa

  6. That sounds awful, Grace, and I'm sorry you had to experience it.
    "The real me, the real you is under all our pain" - well said, my friend :)

  7. Bless your precious heart, love you.

  8. Oh girl, to get through those layers to get to the real you (me)... Sometimes I wonder if she's still there... Hugs and Love, your experience had me squirming in my chair, I can't begin to imagine how you felt, no wonder it's still with you. My prayer for you today is that that memory may fade.

  9. I went through that too as a child. I was 10. From what little I remember, it was not that painful. But I then realise as i grew older I had a higher tolerance for pain. Maybe it was just that ... higher tolerance. Bless you

  10. boy did this post bring back memories for me! When I was 12, I DID get spinal meningitis, and the first dr. I had tried 7 spinal taps and missed before a younger dr. came in and got it right. All these years later, I remember how awful those spinal taps were. Yikes!!