"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, March 31, 2013


I said a couple of months ago when I re-activated this blog that I would not be posting or visiting your blogs as much. I also said that whatever the Holy Spirit placed on my heart to blog about it. No matter if "I" felt it worthwhile or not. I am learning, "it is not about me." But, it is all about Him! So, now I try not to question. But to obey.

Holy Spirit led me to share the following:

What I may say may not seem a big deal to some of you. As you may already know this as a fact. But for those who need reassurance in the area of hopelessness and depression I will go ahead and share a simple truth.

"Nobody really wants to kill themselves, they just want to stop the pain."

Sure there have been many times in my life where I felt extremely hopeless. Having fleeting thoughts of suicide. Having the brief interlude play out in my mind of how I was going to put an end to it all.

I do not take suicide lightly at all. I lost a brother, uncle and a grandfather to suicide.

But, really how many of us really want to actually kill ourselves? We DON'T. We just want the pain to stop. We really do not want to die.

This revelation may not be new to any of you, and then again, this may be the one thing one person needed to read.

Once in a while I still have difficulty fighting thoughts of suicide when I feel pressured or trapped. I have turned as best I can my emotions over to my Heavenly Daddy. Telling Him about my deep hurts and asking Him to comfort me. Not holding anything back. Like I used to.

Now, tears flow so readily with Him and I these days as I share the pain with Him as He continues to heal my broken heart. Something I never did before. I was so disconnected. Feelings were not there or minimized. My heart was severed. Daddy is slowly re-attaching my heart strings.

For those of you who are not at this point or find it very difficult to cope and are contemplating suicide, please, please find professional help. It is very important that you work through these feelings and find the help you need.


  1. Grace, you are such a sweet, kind, and caring person. I am glad that you are getting the help that you need and working through those feelings because our world is a better place with people like you in it. Wishing you a happy Easter and many blessings.

  2. One thing I have learned is that as terrible as things may be today, it does not mean they will be that way tomorrow, or next month, or next year. There was a time when I wanted to escape the torment of OCD so badly that I contemplated suicide as well. I am SO GLAD that I did not act upon that, because God brought a lot of healing into my life. It's true, I still have OCD, and there are still hard days and hard times, BUT every day is not extreme torment anymore, and many, many days, I am extremely joyful simply to be alive. I never thought that was possible. But if it can happen for me, it can certainly happen for anyone else too. So I agree. If someone is feeling suicidal, they need to seek professional help IMMEDIATELY. There is indeed help, and there sure is hope - for everyone.

  3. I think it is great to share as Holy Spirit leads you. I have not struggled with suicide but trust that your words touched who they were intended to touch :) Many blessings

  4. Thanks for sharing this hon. I have not struggled with suicide but this is good to know because I do know a few people who do and I can use this information you have shared to maybe help them.

    Hugs dear.

    Blessed Resurrection Day!!

  5. Thank you for sharing JBR! I have been having these thoughts and I get others to pray for me then BOOM! They're gone in a flash.
    That's true though. I get so tired, but the Lord strengthens me along the way.
    All we want is our Heavenly Daddy. That's all we really desire. To feel His deep love for us and most importantly, to see His face!
    Hugs and Happy Easter hunny! Much blessings and I will keep you in my prayers ♥

  6. Hi JBR,
    yes prayer is very powerful, it can turn life around in a way that the human mind would not think possible. Bringing our concerns to God through our mediator Jesus, and seeking His comfort and wisdom through His word will bring Him into our lives in an amazing way. He is real and can not only bring comfort and the right people across our path, but is able to change our circumstance and truly perform miracles. God bless you and all in desperate need.

  7. Blessings and love to you dear friend as you continue to grow, heal, and also encourage others through your testimony and strength. You are a gift of inspiration and hope! :) As you continue to reach out and trust our precious Father, I hope you continue to share your faith and support for others!

    Blessings and (((hugs))) this first week of April! :)

  8. (Apologies for not having commented for a couple of days-- I was/am having a hard time.)

    This post is incredibly insightful, JBR. In my experience, you are right. There have been times when I have tried to or have wanted to kill myself, but the reasons for that is not because I wanted to die, but because dying was the only way I could think of to end my pain and suffering.

    I'm sorry you are still occasionally struggling with suicidal thoughts; I know how terrifying those can be. But please know you can always contact me and I would be more than willing to help you through the moment. Keep on keeping on, JBR.

    Be well,

  9. When we allow ourselves to be led by the Spirit we may never fully know the impact the seemingly unimportant words have another soul. Blessings to you dear one for sharing. Have a blessed week.

  10. This is an important and brave post. I pray it quickly reaches the eyes and hearts of those who need it~

  11. Appreciate your sharing.

  12. I have had moments in my life when I have felt that way. I've had times when I've said it for attention or thought if I die he will miss me. Crazy thoughts....because I want to live. My mom tried once and survived. I'm not sure if she really wanted to die or it was a cry for help. I believe in almost all situations the pain will ago and we will smile again. Never give up on life!

  13. I used to have suicidal thought starting when I was a teenager. You are right, we just want the mental pain to stop. Three of my cousins killed themselves. I've not had these thoughts for years now because of Joyce Meyer saying we should quote scripture when we have bad thoughts.

  14. I agree that people just want the pain to stop. It's great that you have connected that thoughts like these tend to come when you are feeling pressured or trapped because then you know what areas are the most important to work on and what to watch out for.

    God bless. Sending you many hugs :)

  15. I love how you write whatever is in your heart no matter what, you really are real and I like that

  16. LOL...love this picture. Wishing you a beautiful 'spring' day out there. Hugs from me to you. :)

  17. Hi JBR,
    Thank you for sharing this. I read a book some time back where a young woman wanted the pain to end, so she laid down on a railroad track and let a train run over her legs. The book was called, "Life In Spite of Me."


    First her grandmother died. Then 3 of her best friends died. Another dying of cancer and she was raped. But after her suicide attempt on the railroad track, the Lord did a work in her life.
    This is a true story. Her website is here:


    I just thought I would share this with you. I am praying for you.

  18. i have battled this. India has a high rate of suicide