The Lord revealed to me today during worship a very significant observation. Even though for the longest time I have been aware of what He showed me today full out, but.....I discounted it as being humble on my part. It is not humility.
How do I know this? Well, today, my Heavenly Daddy pointed out to me that every time my hands went up to praise Him, my head would go down. Okay, yeah I knew I did this. And thought it was how I worshipped all along in humility. But, now He had me pay attention to what I was feeling inside when I did this. It was not humility. It was shame. WoW!
So, He had me bring my head up every time I would put it down when I lifted my hands unto Him in praise. I felt like a yo-yo today. Up and down. Up and down. I am so glad that this was only between Him and I.
So what is the shame? Unworthiness. Which is even heighten more with what I am going through now.
My Daddy does NOT want me to feel shame. He is a loving Daddy (not like my earthly daddy) that does NOT condemn me.
So why is it still so very hard for me......especially when it comes to praising Him? Because I still find it very difficult to see myself loved and of worth.
The root of shame is even deeper than I thought......
Yeah I can relate like you JBR. I hope you find your freedom your an inspiration and very real.
ReplyDeleteTouched My heart,so sorry about your earthly Dad.I know our heavenly Daddy loves you like NO earthly dad could ever dream of.Denise
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, JBR. I remember being swallowed whole by shame for many, many years. I have (mostly) been freed from this by the grace of God. I know this can happen for you too. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteNothing brings shame like sexual abuse. My father abused me and I am filled with shame, but not before God. At 63 years old I can now lift my face up to him and not feel ashamed but I still have deep shame around other people. Not consciously, but in my little girl who feels shamed so then I am very nervous and afraid.
ReplyDeleteNo need to feel shame with God, he loves you so much. May God cast out the shame that is in you. God bless.
Thanks God for reminding you of who you are. Beautiful and clean inside and out in his sight.
ReplyDeleteJBR I come in a holy ghost wow with you. If you can look at it this way, how much God loves you to show you even through worship your struggle that's an added blessing. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteThe root may be deep but not deeper than God's healing power.
ReplyDeleteMe too JBR! Last night I sung my heart out to God of all the shame I felt and got so much peace. It's amazing how God works. We're altogether beautiful and there is no flaw in us!
ReplyDeleteHugs JBR!
Oh hon, step by step. You are getting there, keep on pressing in.
ReplyDeletePraying for you dear one.
<><
I have always had this thing about hiding my tears...I wrote about it in my stories from childhood...I have hung my head to hide the tears that often come when I am worshipping...this is pride more than shame in my case...God showed me once that if I looked all around me...tears (cleansing) were running down many faces around me, and just as only He seen theirs...only He seen mine as well...The tears are now a sacrifice of praise, not shame or pride or anything else anymore.
ReplyDeleteGive it all to God in your praise...only He is looking, and He sees your love and your righteousness in Christ whom He loves dearly.
Remember that Jesus took all our shame and hung it on the cross.
The shameful acts that were done to you as a child he sees them as something seperate from you...your name is not written in the filth of the sins of others...Your name is written in the book of life and upon His heart...you are His precious child and you are clean.
Grace you are most definitely worthy of being loved. Wishing you many blessings.
ReplyDeleteYou are very precious sis, love you.
ReplyDelete