"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, May 15, 2009


It has taken me a while tonight to write this post, as short as it is, it is just really very difficult now for me to share.

Never did I think one day I would be "one of a true broken people” with deep anguish within my soul crying out to God to change and conform me to what He wants me to be. To take away the strongholds that have kept me in bondage for all these years that have literally made my life miserable beyond belief!! Right now, this part of my journey is only between God and me. I need Him so very bad now, it literally hurts deep within! When I first decided to take my journey to freedom, naturally I was told and also knew myself it would be difficult. Difficult to me was, “ahhh, no problem, I survived this long, what are another few bumps and bruises?” Yeah right. Not until you experience what you must go through to freedom do you know what difficult really is. . . . . and this is only the beginning.


  1. You'll make it through all this JBR. You have the strength. *big hug*

  2. This to shall passt,we are all here for you!!BIG TIME HUGS!!!!!!

  3. I pray that God puts his courage in you; that is: be encouraged; God is for you. I've been to a similar place as you. Remain in him, and you'll come out on the other side of this stronger and more compassionate for others.

  4. I know... i know....
    and I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now...

  5. im sorry pain is awful in recovery

  6. Oh my sister, how you so describe what I am going through myself. No one can really walk our journeys, not even each other. But, God will get us through and he is holding our hands through the whole journey. Know that you do have to do this alone, but all of us are behind you rooten you on and praying for you. I was thinkin about you the other day and I just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers, even if I am not blogging right now. I still think about you. God bless you and remember, He will never leave your nor forsake you sister, Love deeply from Tanya.

  7. it may be the beginning, but you've started the journey, no going back now. i'll be hear to hold your hand whenever you need it...

  8. AnonymousMay 16, 2009

    I'm so so sorry you are in such torment. I hope you work your way through it soon.

  9. stuck-in-the-middleMay 16, 2009

    JBR the pain you are going through will only last for a season. Keeping hanging in there.

  10. I think we should come up with a new word for "pain." It doesn't really describe the depths of it, does it? Anguish sometimes comes close. I often feel "devastated" in my therapy sessions.

    But, you know what? We can feel these feelings, and they are difficult to even come close to describing in words...but we are not broken. The feelings that feel soooo bad are actually leading to the healing.

    You inspire me with your honesty and I care about you.

    Hey, I know I'm pathetically slow, but I finally got a post and link up about your "Just Be Real" award. It meant a lot to me and I wanted you to know that.

  11. As hard as it's for me to say this as I know the pain you are enduring, but you are well on your way to your freedom. I know the pain inward can be really intense, but it is part of the process. You seem to have enough support here and outside which is a blessing. I continue to encourage you all the way.

  12. I go right along with everyone else here in feeling for you. I pray that your recovery will be a quick one.

  13. GOD is moving you to a better place. He is using you already to speak the truth to so many through this blog. Know there are many praying for you. Do NOT allow satan to steal your joy during this difficult season.

    Blessings and prayers, andrea

    PS: come to my site http://arise2write.blogspot.com for a little surprise. You deserve it. GOD BLESS sweet one!!

    Oh, thanks for following Sitka's blog, too!

  14. Just Be Real, I read somewhere that we need to go through the dark to get to the light. And that is so true!! The good thing, you are not alone. We are all here, we survivors who are making the same journey, maybe different paths, but the same destination. And God is with you always. That longing you are feeling for God comes from God. Blessings.

  15. Dear Just Be Real,
    I stayed in my sickness for so long because I couldn't bear the pain that awareness and truth brought to me.
    The programs of AA and Al-Anon and the loving support of other recovering women has made it possible for me to stop running into my sickness and instead move through the pain to the other side where health resides.

    The pain is not endless. It has an end that can be reached as long as one keeps moving forward as best they can.

    Don't forget you can always contact me at oneprayergirl@gmail.com

    Prayer Girl

  16. The thing about broken people (I know I'm one of them) is eventually you learn to live with that aspect of you and you slowly heal. Not all at once...rather piece by piece. You're in my thoughts dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo

  17. (((((JBR)))))
    I know what you are saying... I really do. If I ever knew it before, I know it better now.

  18. Nice blog. Hope things improve for you soon.

  19. I know exactly what you're feeling JBR! As best I can tell, You're were I was this time last year. Clinging to life. Clinging to God. Constantly crying out to him. Asking him how long? Tell him I trusted him to make things better, but that I didn't trust myself at the time to hold on until the relief came. It was one of my worse periods.

    One year later, things are better than I ever dreamed possible. I know you read my blog, so you know things aren't perfect or easy, but every day is not full ot despair. I have days and moments of pure joy and I'm learning what it's like to have a life in addition to my abuse victim/ DID identity.

    I don't know when the relief will come for you, but I do know God will not disappoint and he will not let you down. And I promise, he is there carrying you through this even if you can't feel his presence at all. Don't give up. Keep posting. Keep fighting. Every day you make it puts is a kick in the gut to satan!!!

    Take care of you!

  20. AnonymousMay 17, 2009

    I learned that my serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine were our of wack and I became very depressed. Had to go on antidepressants to help me go through some of the things I was dealing with. Not saying you have to do this. The meds helped bring things back into balance. I am much better a few years later. All the best.

  21. Still praying for you. Í went through a lot of the same things you're sharing a few years ago. Very tough. It does, does get better and God and loving people help.

    I wish I could do more to help you but I think the best way to help is praying.

    God Bless


  22. One foot in front of another, each step brings you a little closer to the peace that you seek.
    "hugs" and lots of love.

  23. The Lord is your strength. He will see you through your trial to the end. Keep your eyes focused on him alone.

  24. Thank you all for your love and support. Sometimes, it is just hard for me to even comment back to you all 'here' for I really do not have it in me at the moment, so I apologize for this ahead of time.

  25. I can imagine the pain you gone through and it is not endless. Do not let it hold you back, but you must keeps moving forward as best you can. You will be in my prayers,

    God bless

  26. The Lord is with you and he will help you mend those broken pieces. Your going to make it! Just read all these wonderful comments from everyone you have an online support group too!