"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Monday, June 08, 2009

AUTHORITY FIGURE


From time to time I am going to expound here on some things I have read in the book, Boundaries. May be just a sentence or a paragraph from the book that I will share about:

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.

Knowing that I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to do with it what I like. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. However, if I do not “own” my life, my choices and options become very limited.

Chapter 2, pg. 29

Figured I would start with what the book defines what a boundary is. What freedom lies ahead when we can establish boundaries and lay the ground rules without guilt or shame, and know that we are entitled to our boundaries!!!

This book has brought out something I have not thought about in awhile.

I have always had a problem with authority figures, especially men. Tremendous fear would come over me many a time when I would be in their presence. I would feel so small. I have always felt that, they, being either my boss, a cop, or even a date, were entitled to an answer to why I was doing/acting/responding to something a certain way. Also, a paralyzing fear of intimacy would envelope me when things got too heated on dates. The latter I understand better from being sexually abused as a child. The other from my father, which in bits a pieces I am remembering a bit more how stern and unhappy he could be with me if I was not living up to his expectations.

29 comments:

  1. First off, Boundaries is an excellent book.

    Childhood sexual abuse can have devestating effects on children. AS you are discovering throughout your life some of the things that just don't add up can be contributable to the abuse.

    Glad you are pushing forward and hopefully getting to the root of your pain toward your healing.

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  2. It's not easy to face any fear. It's paralyzing and just makes you confined in one place, not able to move forward. But you are taking a great effort to overcome this and you, reading that great book and sharing it with us is a sign that you are truly becoming stronger each day. It may be a slow process but you are allowing God to help you overcome that fear and for you to be able to do what He planned for your life, one day at a time. God bless you always JBR!

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  3. rcubes and Janet-Thank you very much for your support.

    What I share here is not only for myself, but for others who could benefit. Any input from anyone else is certainly welcomed. We are all in this together! Blessings!

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  4. Amen and very true. I agree totally with RCUBES. GOD will certainly use your experiences to help others. andrea

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  5. Appreciate your comment Andrea, thank you!

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  6. I have the same boundary issues you decribed there. Fear of intimacy and fear of authority. You are not alone in this. Sometimes I do well fighting those issues, and other times, no. But we know we are on the journey. And we know God is helping us. There is freedom in knowing that. God bless.

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  7. Certainly comforting to know that God does help us Colleen. Thank you!

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  8. Thanks for sharing this sweetie.

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  9. Oh hell...I should probably add this to my list of things I ought to read.
    I have the same problem, but it isn't just with men. I feel like I owe EVERYBODY an explanation of everything I think, do, or feel. And on the opposite side, I resent the hell out of the person that I feel is asking for the explanation.
    Sexual intimacy is something that I do not want, and I get tired of explaining that to people too, because everybody is supposed to want to be romantically enmeshed, or to at least want to get laid. But I am not capable of having such relationships and I have acknowledged that. I wish that other people did not think they had the right to pry, and that I did not feel like I always had to explain.

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  10. Lily-Dear one, I hear your heart ache loud and clear! I am truly sorry for the abuse you suffered and the affect it remains to this day. Your pain is real, and I know it runs deep. I can only pray in time you will be healed from literally "this hell." I appreciate your total honesty here in what you wrote! Thank you for being real!

    Denise-Always a pleasure to see you drop by with your encouraging words, thank you.

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  11. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich. (2 Corinthians 8:9)
    God wants us to know His grace. He wants us to learn about it, and then experience it at work in our lives. Grace has rightly been described as "unmerited favor." The acronym, "God's Riches At Christ's Expense" catches more of its majesty. Grace is God freely providing for us (as we trust in the work of His Son) all that we will ever need, all that we will ever yearn for, all that He has commanded us to walk in and become—realities that we could never produce on our own, could never earn, and could never deserve. Grace offers what every human desperately needs, but what God alone can provide.

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  12. Thank you for posting the paragraphs from that book. It has been a while since I read it, but it all came back to me as I read that.

    I also lived through sexual abuse and have the exact issues you described with authority figures and intamacy. It's a struggle sometimes to maintain the "front" of mother/wife/adult when that child gets triggered, but I'm getting better at it all the time. I see a strength in you that is very encouraging to me.

    Peace and love

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  13. Hi Sweetie! I hope you become less intimidated by authority figures, esp. men. They often overstep their boundries and get in our faces to try and control us. Never show fear, even if you are scared...that's what they want. I used to be like you described too, until I got sick of being pushed around and played, and I pushed back. Lo & behold, the "authorities" didn't know what hit 'em, and they don't treat me like a stupid serf anymore!

    PS: Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving your sweet comment! I luv that lil squirrell too, he makes me smile! I'l send him over to kick some butt for you! God Bless and have a super fun week. ~Luv ya

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  14. Hey Shen, extremely sorry you too were abused!! Encouraging to read that your are coping better all the time when triggered! Appreciate your comment, thank you.

    Tota-Thank you for the scripture verse and devotion. Blessings!

    Appreciate your visit once again Amusing Bunni, thank you. Blessings!

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  15. What a refreshing place to visit. "Real" is a good place to be.

    So glad we found one another ...

    -- A "real" girl over at Getting Down With Jesus

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  16. So many people and so much pain. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just wave it all away? I've not heard of this book you mention, but it seems as if it has some good information. I'd never really given any thought to boundaries which probably means I should take stock of that. Thanks for sharing.

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  17. Not directly related, but just wanted to let you know-- safe hugs are ALWAYS okay. Thanks so much. <3

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  18. Good idea to share from the book what it means to you to help you and others along in their healing process

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  19. I thank you for your strength and courage to share your journey, I minister to alot of women who have also been through a familiar journey, I have seen how sharing, praying, crying and having the courage to open up wounds from the past, becomes a beginning of healing for them. One day at a time and giving hope to others that each tomorrow brings hope and healing.

    Blessings Lorie

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  20. You may not be aware of this, but you've a wonderul outreach ministry here. May God restore all the hurting.

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  21. Vine-What a very kind comment, thank you.

    Joyfulsister-Lorie,appreciate your encouraging comment and it is precious that you are able to help others. Blessings.

    Strawberry-The book is very beneficial in helping, thank you.

    Alanis Rae-Your hugs are certainly welcomed and appreciated, thank you!!

    tricia-A lot of good information inside the book. Good investment if you can. Thank you dear.

    Jennifer-Real is what it is all about. Appreciate your visit and nice comment. Blessings.

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  22. good post. easy explanation. good read definately.

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  23. Shadow, appreciate your nice comment, thank you dear!

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  24. I talk to high school students all year about authority figures because many of them have little if any respect for authority figures.

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  25. stuck-in-the-middleJune 09, 2009

    Seems that book is really helping you along JBR. I can relate not only to what you say with the authority figure problem, but what some have said there experiences are also. Thanks for posting and hang in there!

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  26. JBR I picked up the book last night. Will delve into soon. Looking forward to reading it. Thanks for recommending the book.

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  27. Dee Dee-You made a good investment in purchasing Boundaries. Enjoy!

    stuck-I hope in you relating to some things, that you will be able to better yourself.

    Erin-Appreciate you stopping by and your comment. Your hard work does not go unnoticed! Thank you.

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  28. That excerpt from that book was right on the money! Sounds like a good book and I sure help it helps you on your journey to recovery :)

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  29. Encouragement is always welcomed Tabs, thanks!

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