"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

BOUNDARIES UNDER ATTACK


Continuing reading from the book Boundaries, I found this one powerful paragraph which in reality is something we all have to face when we set them up:

"Is it possible that others will become angry at our boundaries and attack or withdraw from us? Absolutely. God never gave us the power or the right to control how others respond to our no. Some will welcome it; some will hate it."

Excerpt from Boundaries, p. 107


24 comments:

  1. Amen to that! Thanks for posting that. Blessings!

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  2. AMEN times 100!! Stand firm dear friend and know you are handling things GOD's way!! I love this book and still use it today. I worked thru it the first time about 18-20 yrs ago..probably shortly after it came out. I am not sure of the year...I know I was really struggling and my kids were small. I can remember where I was sitting in a bible study when the book was given to me...I just can't remember the date.

    GOD Bless you for continuing to pursue healing and HIS good and perfect will for your life.
    andrea

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  3. and that's the truth! few people take to change. especially from someone close to them. one person changing automatically means the other also needs to change or adapt. and that's where the friction comes from...

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  4. I was taught the very same thing in CBT. It's necessary for us to set those boundaries and allow others to react the way they chose. We need to look after ourselves first.

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  5. Love it! Love it! Love it! My husband HATES the boundries I have set, but guess what? They are not for his benefit, (well, in a way, they are), they are for mine! How he feels about them is completely out of my control.

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  6. stuck-in-the-middleJune 25, 2009

    This statement is so very true. I hope you keep to your guns JBR!

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  7. It is sometimes difficult to say “No” to people. I have a hard time with it and wish I were better about it. We need to be able to be honest…it can be hard.

    ♥Hope

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  8. I remember a time about 20 years ago when I was first learning about and setting boundaries. I had to set a boundary with someone I dearly loved and I knew it could end our relationship. I had to talk things over with a very trusted friend and pray about it. Then I set a boundary that I knew was necessary for me to set. It was about what I could live with and how it affected the other person and the future I had to place in the hands of God.

    Things worked out in the end and I am forever grateful I set that boundary. It changed my life for the better.

    Prayer Girl

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  9. I have been setting boundaries with my father for the first time in my life, and he is reacting by behaving like an angry child whenever he is around me. His childish behavior is so ridiculous that even my children are noticing it (he was cheating at a game we were all playing - not to win, but to get me out of first place - and my son noticed and talked to me about it later.

    We can't control how others will react or feel, but the flipside is that they can't control our feelings either. Nobody can "make" me feel anything. I am taking my father's behavior in stride, and not reacting the way he wants me to (not going to play that game, anymore!)and that is giving me the confidence and encouragement to continue keeping myself safe and feeling peaceful.

    Great post. It's been a while since I read this book, so I am enjoying the refresher!

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  10. That is SO true! Especially for someone who has not in the past had boundaries - for others to deal with them - it's hard. Because somehow we (in this instance ME) feel responsible for their reaction to our (MINE) boundaries. It's so hard. Stay true to yourself. Be firm in your choices. Be kind to yourself. I have told myself time and time again these two quotes: "What other people think of me is none of my business." and "I can not change other people's reactions to any situation, I can change my situation." Be blessed...

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  11. Love it. Thanks for reminding me. With feeling so fragile right now my bounaries are shaky but I do hold up! I needed to read this today. THANK YOU. Tons of hugs. xxx

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  12. This book changed my life! Funny truth, I read it and years later gave it to my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law admitted how much it helped her in learning to deal with her mother-in-law. WINK. Great book! If people can't take our "No" the first time, there's a problem.
    ~ Wendy

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  13. Ain't that the truth! I was quite surprised when I told my mother she would NEVER be allowed alone with my children again that the moon did not fall into the ocean.....just a star. We never know how boundaries will be received.

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  14. Thanks for posting that JBR. How true. But if it is for our benefit when we say "no", we must be firm in saying "it" even if the others will not like it. It may hurt them but other times, that's the only way for the other person to realize they're needing to make a change themselves.
    God bless JBR and may He continue to cover you with His love,strength and wisdom.

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  15. great posting. you will be in my newest blog listings.

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  16. Yes, such an important aspect of boundary setting. It ain't all roses but in time, can get better.

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  17. I've been in a small group for years and we started out by studying that book. These past few months I've had to put into action many boundaries and the person who is on the other end isn't liking it one bit. But I have my self worth and dignity intact.
    Keep up your courage.

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  18. WoW! I really needed to read all of your comments, each and everyone of them. I am really having a rough day today. Thanks for caring!! Blessings.

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  19. Once again, if you seek to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one. individuals are just that. ~rick

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  20. Oh, so true! Funny, I was just talking to my T today about boundaries. Thinking of you!

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  21. This is very though provoking.
    What then will be my response? Will I hold fast or fold?
    Will I learn?
    These are my questions.
    I hope your night is restful.
    God bless You!

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  22. I have read the book Boundaries. It was one of the books that helped set my life in order, and helped me realize that with out boundaries life can go insane! I also found that people who are not used to you having any boundaries, totally rebel when you put them in place! laughs! I did lose a lot of people in my life because i developed boundaries, but truth be told, it was their loss not mine. I am so much healthier now, and life is so much calmer! I hope the book also brings you the same.

    Hugs and blessings my blogger friend.

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  23. So, I spent my entire childhood being sexually abused by family members. I repressed it all and it decided to come back to me in memories when I was in my early 20's. I told my family about what had happened as a child and they didn't want to believe me, so instead they shut me out of their lives. I was (am) an orphan now still working through my repressed memories. Sexual abuse is a generational thing and for my Mom to admit that I was abused she would also have to admit that she was abused as a child. Not everyone wants to go through our journey. But now, I am more "ME" than I ever thought possible. I'm more "real" than I ever thought possible. And I've found that people who were in my life before I was the real me don't necessarily like who I am now because I'm so real. But I don't need them. I have clarification in myself.

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