"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Today was one of those exceptionally dragging zoned out days for me. I was just present in body not in mind. I could contribute it to that I continue to be exhausted emotionally with my journey, which is probably true. Had to push myself to participate, pay attention and be motivated at work. Still, I did notice a difference. I really did not feel guilty about how I was feeling or acting. Maybe that is an improvement? Normally I would feel guilty about the way I was feeling. Was I being snobish to people at work because I was quiet and reserved? That would always make me feel bad. I would never let myself have a bad day(s), even though I would have them, but guilt would accompany me. So, maybe not feeling guilty about this today was a plus??

I feel possibly my resistance to control has lost some punch. Will have to really wait this particular experience out and be open to the Holy Spirit to show me exactly what is going on internally at present. Not too sure at the moment.

Will be an early evening for me, as I am really drained and spent.


  1. "I really did not feel guilty about how I was feeling or acting."

    "...be open to the Holy Spirit to show exactly what is going on internally at present."

    Yes, I think this is some progress as you seek the Lord and please Him first, not others anymore...May you have a restful night. Praying for you. God bless.

  2. if you wait with faith, He will be faithful to show. and the awakening will be worth it. take care, ~rick

  3. thank you two for your comments. Blessings.

  4. Hi Sweetie:
    You rest up and relax and do something good for yourself. I'm glad you didn't feel guilty about your feelings! That is a good step. You should never feel guilty about how you feel, it is what it is...you can feel anyway you want to.

    And, I doubt you were being "snobbish" to people at work. You are so kind and giving of your time and thoughts, you don't strike me as a snob at all. Just be guided by the Lord and go with the flow.

    I made a new post today about 45 words of wisdom. I think some of them will help you!
    Take care of yourself and just relax and feel anyway you want, WITHOUT GUILT!

    We humans are the only species that I think feel guilt, it's such a useless emotion. Do you ever see animals feeling guilt? Does the Lion say "Oh, I'm chasing that gazelle and have to catch it to survive, Maybe I won't, I'll starve to death and just be guilt-ridden" I THINK NOT!
    Something to think about ((((( Smile, Hug ))))

  5. AnonymousJune 17, 2009

    I hate when I'm not present in myself. I feel so detached and spacey when I'm like that. It usually happens when my mind is trying to tell me something but I'm not ready to listen to myself so I'm distancing myself.

  6. GOD will continue to reveal HIMSELF to you...hang in there. BLessings and prayers, andrea

  7. AnonymousJune 17, 2009

    I think not feeling guilty was great. Maybe a bigger step than it seems right now. I hope so. No wonder you are exhausted.

  8. You are working hard. You deserve to rest and take care of yourself. I'm glad you are not worrying what others think because you are allowed to have a bad day - everyone does - and you don't have to explain it to anyone. That is a big deal, for me, when I can take care of me and not stress about how it affects others, so I know what it means.
    Give yourself a pat on the back and lots of loving care.

  9. Does sound like some progress there JBR. Unnecessary guilt is a big obstacle to over come. It may be a small step for you, but it is a step. Well done.

  10. you know, it is okay to call a halt, to dwell on what you've achieved. to let it mull and sink right through, before heading again down the road...

  11. Be gentle with your Self.
    She needs some space to pause and breathe and release the rush, before she makes another attempt at being brave.
    She is brave.
    You are brave.
    Be brave.
    Be well.

  12. Dear. it is always so amazing to me how much you give compassion to me while you struggle so hard yourself. Sometimes I try to remind me that my first struggle was so much harder, life changing,and i wonder why I have such a hard time right now. This job thing drives me crazy - sarcastically spoken I feel like a casuality of economy - well, Dear one, lets keep polishing the pearl, you and I. Big hug.

  13. Thank you all once again from your comments.

    I tell you when youre defenses are weak your mind can really be open up for attack from the devil (will need to plead more of a hedge of protection around my subconscience), especially with dreams. I usually do not experience really disturbing dreams, but I did have one early this morning. Takes a lot out of you!

  14. guess i'm a little late getting to this one-- so i just hope you have a better day today.
    we're all allowed some bad days.. once in a while-- no guilt required.

  15. Praise God for the progress He is blessing you with sweetie.

  16. stuck-in-the-middleJune 18, 2009

    I pray your bad days will turn into good ones real soon.

  17. AnonymousJune 18, 2009

    Being quiet and reserved is certainly okay, and the fact that you feel like you made progress is really good. You do not have to be everything to everyone around you.


  18. AnonymousJune 18, 2009

    *Morning Just Be Real :)

  19. Hi JBR,
    I sure you got some much needed rest. I hope you are making a turn in your healing for the better, sounds like maybe your are :) I know I am late in reading this so I hope today was much better.

  20. Hey girl. Its me mile. Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for the encouragement. I am sorry to read that you had a weary day. I do hope that you are doing better. You have a great support system. Lots of love here. Me too. I have prayers for you to heal and to have happy times. hugs. mile

  21. hey girl, i hope its going better for you now. take care of yourself

  22. Go, Tell It On The Mountain...that's where I'm, ah...AT!

    Don't know what I'm sayin'
    Don't know what I'm tellin'
    I DO know ah'm prayin'
    An' I Do know I yellin...

    All on top a mountain. Praise god!

  23. Hi JBR, long time no see you... I miss your comments. I'm sorry you're not doing well right now. I couldn't agree more about the "attacks". It's so hard, it's so tiring and I often wonder when, or if it will EVER end.
    ~ Listening.... Gracie

  24. When we let down our guard and be who we are regardless if it is a good or bad day....People will begin to trust us as "real" God wants HIS people to attract others so that they might see God in us...... Your life has so much purpose and so much potential BECAUSE you are real.. The world is full of hypocrisy and we need to reflect the human that God saved.........

    Blessings to you

  25. Thank you so much for deciding to follow my blog... what a blessing! I just read your post and I have to say that I have been there. I have had days where I don't feel like I'm really checked into my body. I'm glad you don't feel guilty, because there are times when we need that. Just keep relying on God and He will give you your strength for each day. Be blessed as you rest in His arms tonight...

  26. AnonymousJune 18, 2009

    Healing is hard work. We like to think God will wave a magic wand and fix the cracks. But He knows that self discovery and grace-fuelled progress is what makes for permanent change. I am so impressed that you are so attuned to what you are going through!

  27. Maybe you are not feeling guilty because you are being real. Hope you feel better. God bless.

  28. Releasing yourself from the grips of guilt is a great step toward a more positive life, but an exhausting one! I commend you :)


  29. Hi JBR, I don't think there is anything as draining or exhausting as the kind of inner struggle or inner 'spring-cleaning' that you are going through at the moment. Early evenings are good, get as much rest as you can.

    God bless :)