"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, June 04, 2009

NOT TRACKING


These past couple of days I feel I have gone’ two steps forward three steps back.’ Have been having unsettling dreams. I feel more depressed than normal, angry, exhausted and at times zoned out.

Group was a disaster for me tonight. I felt I was just there in body.

I have come to the conclusion, that I do not do well in a learning setting. I was this way in school. My attention span is very limited, unless something really really peeks my interest. Otherwise I check out, become bored and fidgity. Not saying that group is boring, but it is a learning environment. Also trying to be alert for 3 hours after putting in a long day at work then sitting and trying to take in information and process and the late night, and then having to tackle the drive back home all crumpled together does not make JBR real happy now.

42 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear it wasn't a good day...Hang in there...God bless.

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  2. Sometimes when we feel like we are going backwards, we are really going forwards. It is often when we struggle and hurt that we learn more and grow more. Prayers and blessings!

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  3. Those two comments above are right on, IMO. Also I wish to add that when I feel as you describe yourself these days, I have to ask myself if I'm loading too much on my plate. Hmmmmmmm? (I HATE peeps who write: Hmmmmmmmm?)
    Bless you, JBR, and Peace!

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  4. Take care Just Be Real, and I hope your next days will bring you much more satisfaction. Hugs, and warm regards :-)*

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  5. oh i get like that too. but then again, i'm an add baby... what helps? trying again the next time. hugs and love!

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  6. Sounds like exhaustion to me, JBR, take a break if you can.

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  7. This is a normal pattern JBR. Some days are better where you feel you are making great progress, then you have what seems like a set back. But in reality it is part of the program. Hang in there you are doing great just by doing.

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  8. Be kind to yourself my friend - rest body, mind and spirit. Rejuvinate in the Lord, and give yourself some grace. Blessings my friend.

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  9. Hey JBR, there's no need to push yourself. Attention span when depressed is pretty short anyway, and that's an lot of stuff to cram into one day. When I was depressed, every day after I came home from work, I would lay on bed and listen to music for 45 minutes, and then have dinner, and do other things.

    Don't worry about three steps back and two forwards. There'll be days when its three forward and two back.

    God bless.

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  10. stuck-in-the-middleJune 05, 2009

    Hang in there JBR. Minor set backs are ok.

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  11. Thank you so much for your encouragement with my blog http://voicesinthedarkness.blogspot.com/search?q=ptsd

    I was not sure if anyone was really reading it.

    On a more personal note, I'm sorry you are feeling depressed. Have you seen a trauma specialist therapist? I did and it has changed my life. I highly recommend it.

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  12. Please, JBR, be kind to yourself in these days of need. It was hardest to learn that drawbacks and plateaus are not only normal, but necessary. Sometimes going back and learning more before advancing and sometimes because you might need a break before being able to go ahead again. Big hug. Keep you in my thoughts.

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  13. Hmmm . . it sounds like you are human . . .

    - Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
    http://mmaaggnnaa.wordpress.com/

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  14. Three hours after working all day has got to be tough any way. Safe hugs (((((((JBR)))))))

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  15. Hi,

    Do you have to go to group every night for 3 hours?! Not for nothing that is too much for anyone to handle after working all day. If you are going every night no wonder you are angry and depressed when do you have some free time just to vegg out? I want you to be better and heal but sometimes you may just need some private ME time.
    Hugs!

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  16. Thank you for following my blog. I'm pleased to discover yours but am sorry to hear you're in a slump. Your thoughtful post tells me things will get better for you--you're focused on being honest with yourself and that's a demanding task.

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  17. Sounds like ADD. I've got that myself.

    Darla
    www.letterladydarla.blogspot.com

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  18. Could be hormonal too.

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  19. Just Be real very sorry your having a rough time at the moment. I pray things will improve for you soon.

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  20. Don’t feel bad JBR, I too many times just don’t have the energy or stamina to get through work meetings and find myself day dreaming. I’m sure in time this will pass for you.

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  21. Reflection

    May all believers take great heart in this amazing promise of joy and glory! Just as our Lord was persecuted, so we will be persecuted. It is a guarantee! However, we suffer with the knowledge of the beautiful hope of inheriting the kingdom of heaven and residing with our heavenly Father in all His glory. To consider His greatness only causes us to sing of His righteousness!

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  22. we often feel intimidates in a group setting and depresssed after ward

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  23. Bless you dear one. Breathe in God, breathe out the world sweetie.

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  24. life has its ups and downs on a daily basis. its how we get back up and start all over again with a positive attitude.

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  25. I must admit, after working all day trying to focus on anything for long periods makes me tired. That's why I never just write in the evenings, I'm writing and twittering and checking email and reading blogs and usually carrying on a conversation with someone in the house. It helps keep my mind alert and not drift off and start thinking about sleep.

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  26. I'm sorry. I know that feeling. I hate that feeling, of being 'outside yourself'. What amazes me though is that you are aware of it as you're doing it. You are far ahead of me in that realm. I don't realize I am being that way for weeks and then It'll hit me that I'm not "present".

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  27. Stumbled upon your blog. Your faith shows me how strong you're in defeating the enemy. Keep @ it.

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  28. Thinking of you. Maybe you should try an earlier session - maybe on w eekend when you are not so tired might help, but if not, don't put yourself through something that does not benefit you.
    Hugs

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  29. inspirational writings you share here of your personal pain. Only can wish for the best for you through Gods help. I do understand. Hugs.

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  30. Sometimes there are days like this. We don't know if we are coming or going! Especially when unsettling thoughts linger in our minds. I find that changing my focus points helps.

    It's how I keep my sanity at times. Lord knows I've had my thoughts all in a twisted knot, but sometimes just sitting back, taking a deep breathe and reflecting on some positive things that have come our way might help.

    Feelings are so very real and personal to each individual, they bleed us of our stability at times, but just remember that there is more to you than that moment, and tomorrow or the next day can and will be better and if not, then enjoy a day of self sorrow, cry, wail, scream, throw things, drink wine, walk the beach, around the house, do whatever it takes to drain yourself so that the next day you'll know you can face it.

    Eh you're human, ((hugs)) Thanks for stopping by my Melting Pot Blog and if you ever want to jot something down, go ahead.

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  31. WOW JBR, you certainly have a lot of people praying for and encouraging you. That must feel so very good. I certainly hope it lifts you up.

    Life can be so busy and chaotic at times. God is able to bring order out of chaos. Stick with your higher power and things will get better.

    Love and prayers,
    Prayer Girl

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  32. Found you on a blog roll. You speak from your heart. I can onl encourage you along with everyone else here to keep on keeping on. You must be doing something right. The pain you speak about I share with you. At times I can become very depressed especially when things arnt going my way. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Many times you have to be patient for it to arrive. Hang in there.

    Jj

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  33. Hey - JBR, long time no talk... I hope you're doing okay - I guess I worry when I don't see a post from you in a day or 2.
    Yes, 1 step up but 2 steps back...I know what it feels like to lose ground. But you will make 3 steps up now, and then maybe a small step back...but 2 giant steps forward.
    Seeing you and your spirit and faith are truly a gift to me. I want you to hear that.
    (save hug) ~ Grace

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  34. As my T often tells me: "this, too shall pass." It's hard to hear it sometimes, tho.

    I envy your inner strength in the power of prayer and your conviction in the Lord. I don't have that. You are truly blessed.

    May I add you to my blogroll?

    Ivory

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  35. Thank you all for your encouraging responses. I am hanging in there.

    To clarify, I have group only once a week, which is Thursday nights.

    (((to all)))

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  36. I have lots of days like that, but you do bounce back. Hang in there and take care....Mary

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  37. stuck-in-the-middleJune 07, 2009

    JBR hope you're doing ok? Hang on in there!

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  38. Haven't been to your blog in a long time. I think you changfed the address or something. You've been very busy with maintaining your blog. Glad to see that God remains your strength despite your struggles. Keep your eyes focus on Him and he will see you through. God Bless.

    Ron

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  39. Grace-thank you for your concern. Some times, as you can relate, I find it hard to come and post more frequently when I have stuff to sort out. In time it all does work out. Thank you dear one.

    To all my new visitors- Artemis, Magdalena, San, Darla, Denise, Gillian, darkened jade, Anti Viral, brokenvows, Missy, Mary and Jj. Thank you all for taking the time to stop by and visit.

    For all my regulars-you are super, thank you as always!!

    Ron-I did change my blog address a while back....maybe that is when you lost me....but now "I am found."

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  40. I see you have many people who care for you. What a blessing. I'll keep it short. When I've had bad dreams, I've asked God to be Lord of my dreams too. Sometimes we have to work things out, but at least you know you've invited Him to be there with you. Also continue to pray. I've actually caught myself praying in my dreams now. God bless you and hang on! :)

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  41. HH, thank you for sharing how you approach your bad dreams. That is way too cool that you actually pray in your dreams. Now, that is really in-tune with the spirit. Blessings.

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