"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Monday, July 06, 2009


I really hate when I can go most of the day at work without thought of painful memories (because I am kept busy), until I leave work and in my car. Boom! I am flooded with memories. By the time I arrive at home, some five minutes later, I have gone through a dozen curse words, flipped a few people off as I drive........just because.........along with floods of tears and anger as I hate feeling this pain and wish it would just stop!!!!!!!!!!

I know this all is part of the process, and I realize “I Have Gotten In touch With Feelings,” feelings I have not experienced in so long, anger which is now directed to the appropriate individuals and circumstances......so bear with me.....


  1. I think you're beginning to awaken to those things you carry inside. Like you said, it's part of the process.

  2. You know we will bear with you and we will do so with prayers and love in our hearts for you.

    Prayer Girl

  3. God is working sweetie.

  4. I will try to stay out of your way on the highway..haha. I am not making fun...I have just learned to laugh through some of the tough times and try to find something to smile about in the midst of the memories. Occassionally, my past rears its ugly head and after my arguing and wrestling with GOD it gets better...but the process is NOT pretty...I get it. I will pray more specifically for your afternoon/evenings.

  5. AnonymousJuly 06, 2009

    I don't know what to say--- as usual. I can empathize. I'm wishing you the best. I'll shut-up now before I write something ever dumber than that.

  6. I have been in the exact same situation that you are in...my life was consumed with anger. After many counseling sessions with my pastor...we discovered the root of all my anger. It was something that no one else could figure out including me. The root of my anger was unforgiveness.

    Once I dealt with it...I never looked back and I was happier than I had been in so many years. I read the book...Total Forgiveness by R. T. Kendall. My pastor and I dealt with all the issues that had been pushed down and buried for many, many years...many of them...I didn't even realize were a problem. But, by the grace of God...one by one they were brought to the surface and dealt with. When God sets you free...you are free indeed...don't pick them back up...let Him have them.

    If you want the specific sites on this subject...email me and I will send them to you so you don't have to search through my archives.

    Keep pushing forward with God's help...you will make it.


  7. AnonymousJuly 06, 2009

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  8. AnonymousJuly 06, 2009

    I have struggled with certain issues the same way, and although I know they are nothing like what you are working through, I just want you to know that I understand the emotions.

    I am amazed at how well you are hanging on to God's word and encourage you to keep holding on to His promises. He will never leave you or forsake you, because He loves you.


  9. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but it's true that "getting in touch with feelings" is progress. I'm there too, uncovering hurts that I've suppressed for years. And I hate that they seem to rise up and take over at just those moments when I'd like to spend time with my family! I hear ya. Hang in there.

  10. AnonymousJuly 06, 2009

    I have cried on my car ride home more times then I can remember. I am the same way. All day long my thoughts are busy with work, and then Boom, I get in the car and they all hit me.

    It is overwhelming at times when the true emotions come through after living your whole life suppressing such feelings and being taught that sharing emotions was wrong.


  11. I won't preach about Anger--I'd like to, though. But I will say that (don't remember the page in Big Book)
    "We have ceased fighting anything and anybody--even alcohol." Or something like that.

    Soon the fight will leave, and you will be tamed, trotting around the track of life with a bright smile on your face.

  12. JBR I’m sorry you are hurting so much. I know this is only temporary until you break through.

  13. (Hugs) I used to think the anger was freeing. It allowed me to express all the pain I had lived through. It will pass dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo

  14. I don't have the right words.
    But I do know the One who does.
    Praying He leads you through .... and offers answers.

  15. when I read your words I was brought back to the time when I to was going through some trial in my life and how my anger was stirred until I dealt with it. Took some time so be patient.

  16. Tons of hugs... I remember times when I caught myself crying in the street, supermarket etc. In general I am more unpatient with myself than anybody else. We bear with you. Be kind to yourself and he, keep cursing... ;-)

  17. stuck-in-the-middleJuly 07, 2009

    Oh JRB! It's ok. Hang in there!

  18. I sure can relate to this one...it's like leaving the office, and taking off the 'professional well put together Grace" just before putting on the seatbelt.
    And God help the driver in front of me if he/she is going 1 mile under the speedlimit (people are NEVER in a hurry here...I'm not sure why - since I'm in a hurry even when I have no place to go) -
    (Hug) ~ Grace

  19. it's the silence. it's the silence that gets to me...

  20. Anger is a normal reaction to what you're going through.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  21. AnonymousJuly 07, 2009

    I remember going through the hard times and I feel you. That, too, shall pass. I don't know what words could exactly make you feel better but rest assured that you're in my prayers. I hope you feel better soon.


  22. Your in the right place Just Be Real. You will undoubtedly have more episodes of explosions until the anger is resolved and you've worked through it. It will take time. Be patient.

  23. I am exactly where you are. I have been feeling my feelings, finally, for a good part of this year and am finally getting to the point where I have some good days. On thing that really felt like progress is that on two occasions I have had a glimpse of what it would be like to completely let go of all the anger. It happened once during meditation and once when I was crying and begging God to please take away all the anger and pain. Both times I felt what it will be like when I finally get to the point of letting it go.
    Before that happened, I could never imagine letting it go. It didn't seem possible.
    I'm still not ready to use the word "forgive" because it feels like that is saying what happened is okay - and it is not! I am thinking of redefining the word in a way that makes sense to me.

    Good luck. I think we will both make it out of this.

  24. AnonymousJuly 07, 2009

    There is so much I can relate to as others here also. You're not alone in this. When I used to get really angry I would screm in a pillow. but I guess it depends where you're at when you get the urge.

  25. I know from experience that no words can take away what you're feeling. I'll pray that God will comfort you as He guides you through this painful time and moulds you into the wonderful person you are meant to be.

  26. Hi Sweety,

    Sorry I have been absent on commenting as you know my situation at this time. I am sort of doing the same thing as you I can hold it together in work and then I kind of lose it as I walk to the car and drive to the hospital. Now I know its a different kind of pain than yours but I do understand. It may be a blessing though that you are not angry all day as it is not good for you physically.
    big Hug!

  27. It's all right. Get your anger, frustration and pain out. Yell, break a few dishes, say a few improper words to those dangerous drivers that circulate in these roads and think that they are made just for them. I saw a few of them myself today... Dear JBR. That's life also. God will smile and won't take it as a bad deed.

  28. I thought I was reading my own post. Your comment hits home with me. I can so relate. Get it out. Get the frustration out and the anger. I have, but at times I find it still hard to do.12

    Stephanine G.

  29. Hey all, thanks for the support. It has been hard, so I am doing....

  30. I completely understand... I wish I didn't, but I do. You are not alone in how you feel and I'm glad you are able to express it!

  31. Oh, I'm sorry things have been rough. I drive rarely so my walks are usually when that kind of stuff happens. Though unfortunately I have had happen at work, which means me scurrying to the restroom. I wish I could destroy all of that pain and anger for you so you'd feel better. Take care, I'll be thinking of you! *hugs*

  32. Nice looking blog. Well put together. Came through on another blog saw your name was curious. Interesting. Hope everything works out for the better for you.

  33. Just looking at your post here, not sure what is going on so I'll refrain from acting like I do.

    However, knowing just the little you posted, I can say after coming to Christ and remembering a number of past hurts, being raised in a home which wasn't "safe" on a number of fronts, I can relate to the getting in touch with buried bones feeling.

    Cast all your cares upon Christ, for He strengthens you.

  34. Hugs. Prayers. I am with you.

  35. I understand your anger. I've done the same. The anger, the rage fueled me and kept me fighting to live. I could present so well but alone, the rage took over. For me, I turned on myself. Hang in there. Sarah