"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009


These past few days while I chose to be away from the blogasphere world, but appreciated so much everyone’s prayers and support, I have been wresting along with God. Below are excerpts taken from one of renowned author and speaker, Beth Moore’s transcripts to a live audience that explains as closely to what I am going through. Maybe you could relate also:

Beth: Make no mistake, it is intimacy with God when you are willing to wrestle something out with him.

Listen, there is not much more intimate than wrestling because do you know what it takes to wrestle? You and I would have to be in a complete embrace. I mean it might be that we are struggling against it, that we're fighting, we're pleading, and the tears are streaming down our cheeks but we are close. You cannot wrestle with a soul you are not close to. You are physically -- your proximity -- you are against their very person.

Listen, I'm not sure you're ever closer to God than when you are wrestling something out. Stay in there with him.

Some of us have let go, we have let go too fast. The blessing will come but you must not let go. Whatever you do, you must not let go. You must hang onto God, wrestle it through. Say what you've got to say, cry, plead, ask why. Say how upset you are, but you do not let go.

When you say, "I'm not going to let go, I'm not going to let go no matter what, no matter how the enemy tempts me to walk away from my faith, I will not let go because I will, after this pain, hang in and get my blessing!" Anybody know what I'm talking about?

Say you let go. You know the beauty of God? He is still there. Grab back on. Tell him, I let go too soon. No blessing came out of it at all, Lord! No blessing!

You may say, "Beth, there is no way a blessing can come out of a background of abuse."

I beg to differ. True ministry and compassion and humility of sorts came out of that very background for me. I don't want it for anybody but I'm saying, did God turn it into a blessing? Oh, yes! Oh, yes! He brought my life passion from my life pain. Yes!

Listen -- listen -- through the worst of our struggles it will be through wrestling the hardest things we ever go through in life, wrestling those things out with God that we come out on the other side walking in our identity. It will happen every single time. That's going to be how it happens.

Remember when I shared a few posts back where I could not explain exactly what I was feeling because it was just too deep and there were no words for it, and only God could understand...... well the wrestling is more or less what I was emotionally feeling.

The picture above could not be more accurate with the intense bouts of grieving that has reached the depths of my soul lately. I do realize my pain is not over yet and as hard as the road still may be ahead for me with facing certain fears and dealing with issues, I am willing to journey on.

Whatever struggles you are experiencing and for those of us who have been sexually abused, there is hope. Beth is a living testimony of that.

Please take comfort in the words above, I do.


  1. just saying hi and hope you are feeling ok

  2. Your blog is so powerful. Thank you for sharing and for being so real. I know it's not easy to do. God bless you.

  3. God blesses you in your struggle and I love the excerpt you have shared here.

    Prayer Girl

  4. Just stopped by to say Hi.Big Hug for you my friend.

  5. Beth Moore is so great. I read her book "Get out of that Pit" and it was so great for spiritual guidance. So glad you are also able to find comfort in her words. We can get through this.

  6. I've been trying to understand how to forgive, how to let go, how to go on as if it never happened...
    I love that about "blessing coming from abuse". It really has helped me see it differently. Thank you.

  7. I understand completely Beth Moore's words. And I was told once that when I one time 'hated' God, was when God was probably closest to me, or I to Him. Because you cannot hate what you do not know.

    Trying to be real, just like all the rest of the peeps here.

  8. JBR powerful and pretty intimate relationship one can have with God when struggling. I guess that’s what its all about

  9. Nice to read that Beth's truths and experiences has spoken to some of your hearts. ♥

  10. Blogasphere. What an interesting concept.

    Anywho, Jesus does lead his sheep to the otherside. He will do that for you also.

    Enjoy the day he has given.

  11. you are a blessing with your soothing words. yes, soothing. there may be pain, but your determination and hope, is what gives others hope.

  12. AnonymousJuly 09, 2009

    That's a great excert. I too battle with God. I think it is common for people like us. We don't see the purpose in what was done to us. Why did it have to happen? Why wasn't he protecting us? Sorry, I don't mean to add to your wrestling, and I don't know if this will help or hinder, but I can tell you this: The current path my life has taken, which is adopting from foster care, has given me more clarification in life than I ever thought possible. It's made me realize that my tragic childhood experiences will allow me to relate to our future children on a deeper level. These children are placed in foster care because of extremely tragic childhood events. Realizing this lately has brought some purpose to my tragedy. I'm not saying that you'll someday adopt from foster care, but what I am saying, is that, for me, through all those years as I searched for a "why"...well....I think I've got it.

  13. stuck-in-the-middleJuly 09, 2009

    Keep hanging JBR!

  14. AnonymousJuly 09, 2009

    You touched me today with you comment on my blog. And then I came here, and you made me cry. This is so wonderful, and yes, even though I have not been through what you have gone through, I do know what Beth is talking about here…I can certainly relate.
    I am encouraged to see you finding encouragement. Thank you for sharing this.


  15. All of us need hope to survive. Without hope there is no life. Whatever struggle we are in, we always look for a better day to come. We know it is sure to come in the near future. This has been well proven in mankind history.

  16. Again, thank you all for your comments. Hope definitly plays a big part in our recovery. May be hard at times to sustain hope, but we need to have it! It is surely difficult for us to understand why 'bad things' happened to us, and why God chose not to prevent it. Hard indeed.... but.....this is where faith comes into play also, and I know I try in keep in mind that my God only has good things in store for me, but does realize the pain I am a lot of you have experienced and cares so much for us.

  17. Amen, sweet friend! Great post and great reminder.
    Blessings and prayers, andrea

    PS: thank you for praying for sitka, my furry baby!

  18. I really enjoyed the excerpt. It's like God alway has your back you just have to hang in there! I hope your doing well and getting at least a little better as you go through more therapy and get closer to God everyday. I liked the picture too, sometimes you just have to let it all out.

  19. Thanks for being such a sweet blessing.