"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, August 27, 2009


***Explicit Language***

Please take extra gentle care in reading this post. I will let this section speak for itself. The only reason why I am sharing this blurb from the book is because, I know a lot of you out there struggle big time with this guilt!!

“Although some women felt only pain or numbness when they were abused, others experienced sensual or sexual pleasure, arousal, and orgasm. Even though your experience of abuse might have been confusing, frightening, or devastating, you might also have experienced some degree of pleasurable feelings. For many, this aspect of the abuse is one of the most difficult to deal with.

One woman was gang-raped as a teenager and had an orgasm. ‘For a long time I thought it was a cruel joke that God had made my body that way. I forgot what had happened because of the shame of having liked it.’

It is important to recognize that it is natural to have sexual feelings, and that even if you had sexual responses to the abuse and those sensations felt good, it still doesn’t mean that you were responsible in any way.

Our bodies are created to respond to stimulation. When we are touched sexually, our whole physiology is designed to give us pleasure. These are natural bodily reactions over which we do not have control.

The girl or woman who is sexually abused and experiences orgasm does not want to be abused. The fact that she responds sexually is not a statement that sexual pleasure is bad. And--very important--it is not a betrayal of her body. Her body did what bodies are supposed to do. You were betrayed not by your body but by the adults who abused you. “ (The Courage to Heal)

I do remember the sensation of my brothers touch. Whether I was aroused or not, I do not recall, but for me I think I was more frighten and numb.


  1. Thank you for sharing this post. I hope people realize that have an orgasm doesn't mean emotional arousal. The same can be said for a male. Becoming physically aroused when abused does not mean it is not abuse.
    Thanks for sharing this powerful post.

  2. good posting,I know that it is tough for you ro post this.

  3. Thank you for posting this very useful information. I admire your courage to heal.

  4. Very powerful post. Your posts have been super helpful to me. I am sure it brings you pain to go through that book and post for us to see. Thank you.

  5. This is so very powerful. I thank you for posting it, because i know it will help others heal. It took a lot of courage to post this, and i hope you know it is appreciated.

  6. In the beginning I felt guilty about this. After reading this section and talking with my counselor I understood it and no longer felt the guilt. What a relief it was! It was at that point I started to believe that I was not a bad person.

    I am so glad you are sharing your journey with us! There are some out there that are still living in silence.

  7. It frightened me at first being with my husband, as much as I loved him, just didn't feel right, still felt like violation. I don't think I ever got over it. Thank you for having the courage to post this article, it is a very real thing that survivors live with for the rest of their life.

  8. Afterthought, my dark postings are a way I deal with this, some may not understand, but we have a way of dealing with things in our own way. I'm not into dark art, but it is a way of release of anger and guilt.

  9. Thank you for sharing. It's not fun but you stated the truth. God bless.

  10. Sensitive info - done well. Good job. Hugs.

  11. I am in awe of your bravery. so many who are abused think a physical response equates to an emotional or mental thought. SO many don't discuss due to the shame. It's horrible our society puts these burdens on victims when they should embrace them.

  12. This is such useful information on a subject that is still often treated as "taboo". Shedding the light of truth on this is healing. Thank you.

    Love you JBR,

  13. Such a hard subject.
    I have not been able to have an orgasm with anyone for my entire adult life.

    I think the response is like if someone gave you poison, you would vomit. You wouldn't want to vomit, but you would not be able to control it. It would happen because that is what the body is made to do.

    You can't stop it.

    But it still makes me angry that it has been taken away from me.

  14. Thanks, this is very useful info for me to share if I ever come across someone who has been sexually abused, to comfort her. Thanks.

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  16. Thanks for sharing total truth, not a preety thing, but needed.

  17. Thanks for sharing, was certainly not easy. I remember that it was the only "attention and affection" I got. The act itself didnt affect me that much and I had very little trouble later on with sexual intimacy. But to define emotional affection, attention and acceptance is even today not always easy. xxx

  18. Powerful topic. Something I'm sure many people knwo about but won't talk about.

  19. this must be very difficult to face, understand and overcome...

  20. God can comfort those in there pain. May he do this for all who are suffering. God Bless.

  21. I don't have words today but I'm still here reading/learning.

  22. stuck-in-the-middleAugust 28, 2009

    JBR this must be very hard for you to go through as well as others. Hang in there.

  23. This must have been extremely difficult to post. I was abused by a much older individual when I was 12. I struggle with this guilt. Thank you for sharing this information.

  24. JBR,

    Thank you for providing this very valuable insight that most of us would have never known. I am sure just posting this will relieve the guilt so many feel.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  25. By you sharing you can help many suffers from past abuse. Keep up the good work.

  26. How you shared this is so wise. Everyone's experience is different. And being forced, coerced or intimated into a situation is never anyone's fault no matter what their bodies felt. Sarah