"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, August 29, 2009


Lately I have been observing more and more my routine changing since I have connected more and more with my emotional pain.

The three major rountines that bother me are:

I have been one that used to have no problem getting up first thing in my morning, now I continue to fight and even get angry that I have to get up as I want to sleep in every single day!!! (Something I never ever do)

I used to be faithful in walking every single day for over 20 years, now, I am lucky if I can even motivate myself to even "think about" that I should be walking for exercisie.

I used to be careful with what I was eating, now I do not seem to care as much!

I do hope this is temporary and part of the process. I would hate to loose the desire to exercise especially! I enjoyed walking, it was a stress releaser....

I am off to see my mother this morning also! THIS IS ONE ROUTINE I certainly want to break. It has gotten better with cutting down on the amount of visit, even though the tension remains high when we are together. Cannot totally ignore!! Ugh.


  1. You've been going through some pretty heavy-duty stuff. I can see how you might have changes is behaviors. Hopefully you'll be back on track soon.

  2. Sweetie, you will get back into the routine. Do not be so hard on yourself, love you.

  3. Yeah, you all are right. It boils down to even a "control" issue, as now I feel out of control. Cannot even keep my regular routines in check. So, hopefully in time I will have the desire once again.

  4. I know how you feel (hugs)

  5. Praying for GOD to give you the strength to get your healthy routines back in check and that HE will take control of every situation. Also praying for continued healing of your heart, mind, and soul.
    Blessings and prayers, andrea

  6. I hope you're able to get back to your usual routine. I think it's probably smart to limit your visits with your mother. She seems to overwhelm you with stress. You need to set limitations in this area of your life.

  7. I get the impression if you have walked faithfully for 20 years that you enjoy walking too much to give it up. Perhaps you are just a little emotionally drained and your body is trying to compensate for it. Do you think it would help if you looked for a new walking path for the day. Perhaps there's a park close by or in the neighboring town/city to where you're at now that might be fun to walk through. A change of scenery perhaps. :) Thanks for your kind comment on my blog too by the way.

  8. I'm going through something similar with the not wanting to get up in the mornings. I have found if I just force myself to get moving, instead of lingering in bed, that the momentum seems to increase as the days goes on. I didn't even consider it might be emotional...thought it was just getting old :o) Thanks for your thoughts.

  9. That "Finding Nemo" song keeps running through my mind, "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."

    It is a daily battle to push through the resistance in our lives. We have this drive to find meaning in our lives but these moments of resistance can create this emptiness within us that we just don't want to care anymore. So I pray you keep on keeping on sweetheart! "Just keep swimming". Keep finding others in your life to connect with, to share these moments when we fear to change, fear to trust, getting past the doubts and despair, because you will then find the meaning in life. Praying for you!
    Your loved!

  10. JBR,

    You know that you just need the will to pick yourself up and Just Do It! Don't worry about what you feel, do what you know you need to do. In time this will resume back to your old routine.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  11. Great! those are simple pleasures of life... Eating, sleeping, walking. Oh, I wish I could do that too!

  12. ((hugs)). I understand. Easier to practice patience until we actually have to be with people that are hard to be with.

  13. You may be experimenting some physical depression. Dealing with this stuff can cause our brain chemistry to get out of balance. The adrenalin gets to pumping all the time and then the serotonin and nor epinephrine get depleted. This sounds very common a problem your dealing with as the recovery process is VERY physically demanding.
    You may need to get some medical help with the stress of it. NO SHAME! and no condemnation if you leg were broken God would think no less of you to go get a cast.

  14. Maybe while you are changing your routine will be changing too. I feel it is too much to ask that one works hard on recovery and change but thinks change would maybe not affect even areas in which we felt good before. I went through that as well. Just my humble 2cents. Hugs to you.

  15. Hello,

    I hope things bet better for you again soon.
    I also love waking early, and walking is my favorite form of exercise.


  16. JBR, I fight with the tiredness as well. I'm not a lazy person. In fact, I've always been the opposite! I have to have overwhelmed with business and stressed out by it in order to feel normal. Over my summer vacation, I just wanted to lounge.........just lay in bed and let the days pass on by. I didn't though. I also began just eating any old thing and not caring. Of course, I'm one who will binge a few days and then go a few days without touching anything.

    Hang in there sweet one! You're not alone!!! HUGS!!!!