"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, August 29, 2009


Saw my mother this morning.

She had a list of things for me to do around her apt. I know she has no one close by to her to do some minor fixings and replacings (my brother lives 5 hours away)so I am always the one. It is good that I am somewhat mechanically inclined and can fix most minor things.

I want to do whatever she needs done as quickly as possible. The less time I spend with her the less time she goes off on me and we argue. As usual, while I am doing her repairs I have to keep on telling her to “get out of my way.” Seems she cannot leave me alone to do the work and has to be in my way constantly to make sure I am doing whatever it is “right.” Like she knows, otherwise she should be doing it herself!! So I am always telling her to move!

Then her usual conversations of guilt and irrational fears (which I am so prepared for now) arise as she follows me around like a hound dog while I continue to fix what is on her list.

Today’s major fear was that “she and I should live together because when she gets sick, I can take care of her.” So I stopped her right there and said, “Are you sick now?” “No” she answers. So, I said “then don’t worry about it.” She replies, "so you don't want to even live with me." I just shook my head and went on.

Next was what certain route I take with my car to a certain place incase I get into an accident or my car dies on the road. I told her, that "I have the cell phone you gave me and if my car dies I am capable of calling for help.” Her irrational response to that was, "what kind of mother would I be if I did not know what route you take?" Okay, whatever?????

What does she do all day, think of things she can worry about me with?

Then we go on to the next topic of worry (this time I am almost done with her list of fixings, thank you Lord) for her which is the economy and how “I” am going to survive. I said, “I” am doing fine with God’s help. Maybe you should do that too.”


I really wanted to catch myself before the words slipped out on that last statement to her, because I knew without a doubt she would come back with a snippy answer. Which she did stating, “God didn’t give us a brain not to do anything about problems.” So, I just said, "I will pray for you that you do not worry so much!"

By this time, I was finished with my repairs, and left. Not without hearing her parting words....“I never spend time with her and that I am always in a hurry.”

Well no duh!!!


  1. I am very proud of the way you handled this visit with your mom, you are doing so well.Telling her you would pray that she would not worry so much, very nice. I love you.

  2. Denise, you are so right. I just cannot do this worrying anymore and listening to all negative stuff from her.

  3. She is lucky you fix those things for her. When I used to take my Mama to the doctor she would tell me P (younger sister) drives in that lane. I know your frustration.

  4. Dear JBR, how I understand your situation. You have exactly the opposite problem that I had. I used to tell my mother to come and live with me so that I could take care of her, but she wants to be as far away from me as she can. Now I gave up. I know how desperating it is, though.

  5. Silvia and Paula, thank you for your comments.

  6. Yup, I remember that feeling.

    Sorry I'm not by as much. I had more repressed memories creep up and I have been trying to process them....hard to blog when I have too much going on in my mind...

  7. YaYa, I thought something was going on. I am so very sorry. Dear one, take your time. I appreciate your visit.

  8. JBR,

    You mom is probably starting to realize that the older she gets the closer she is to dying and that concerns her. She is lonely and is searching desperately for a connection. Right now you seem to be it. Good or bad, your time there, you will miss it when your mom is gone. There will be no more requests, no more questions about which route you take, no more lists of things to fix and no mom to visit.

    See this time for what it is now, possibly something God is putting in your path. Pray to Him and ask what your purpose is here and ask for grace, understanding and compassion while you are with her.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  9. Kat, appreciate you comment, I really do!!

    I know what you are saying that I should be more compassionate to my mothers needs. True, to some degree. I just do not want to go back to my old ways and cave into her "guilt" which she is so trying to continue with me. I done with that!

  10. I get the impression your mom just does not have many outside interests apart from her children. You will always both need each other but it's not the same as it was when you were a child. She seems stuck with that somehow. None of my business but out of curiosity, has she ever looked into those Assisted Living Communities. I know many thrive in there because they make friends and there are all kinds of activities. I don't know how old your mother is but would encouraging her to take up a new hobby or class help at all?

  11. At one time she was thinking about it, but found out that she does not qualify for them financially.

    My mother is not that bad off then she makes herself out to be. She still drives, (drives me crazy also), works, finds time to socialize in her condo and gets around. She has her office friends also. Once my step-father died, she lost her companion and started clinging much more to me.

  12. Well done -- you handled the visit well!


  13. JBR-this situation is not limited to daughters/mothers. And it is never good or healthy. trust me. ~rick