FROM SELF INJURY to SELF CARE

****POSSIBLE MAJOR TRIGGERS****
Even though I do not suffer from SI, I know a few of my blogger friends do, so I want to share this portion of the book with you in hopes for your recovery in this area:

“Many survivors have hurt themselves physically-carving into their bodies with knives, burning themselves with cigarettes, or repeatedly harming themselves. It is natural that survivors struggle with self-injury. As children they were indoctrinated to abuse, and now they continue the pattern themselves, never having known other choices.

Self-injury provides an intense feeling of relief and release. It is also an attempt at control, a type of punishment, a means of expressing anger, and a way to re-create the abusive situation, producing a familiar result.

One woman suffered from severe nighttime attacks of terror and vaginal pain. When she could stand it no longer, she would insert objects into her vagina, causing herself pain. Immediately afterward, she would feel relief and fall asleep.

At first glance this might seem incomprehensible, but like other coping mechanisms, it had its own intrinsic logic. When this woman was a child, she went to bed every night terrified that this would be one of the nights when her father would abuse her. She would lie sleepless until he did come in-and torture her by putting objects in her vagina or by burning her. Only after he had left could she sleep, knowing that her agony was over for that night.

This woman had no explanation for her actions. She only knew that after the pain came relief and sleep, states of being she was able to achieve no other way. Once she began to understand the connection to her childhood abuse, she took the first steps in stopping this self-destructive compulsion.

Self-injury is not always obvious. One survivor hid it under the guise of accidents.

Self-injury can be a source of great shame and humiliation, but it is important to talk about it because, like child abuse, it grows worse in a climate of secrecy.

To stop harming yourself you need to get help. A skilled counselor can provide essential support. It’s no longer necessary to hurt yourself. You deserve kindness both from others and from yourself:

To keep from cutting myself, I write affirmations. I do it right on my wrist. I’ll write things like, “I love myself,” “I will not hurt myself,” “I am good,” “It’s okay to be in pain. It’s okay to say it.” There was a while I’d change it every day. And then I tell people about what I want to do, I tell my group members. I tell my therapist.

One survivor went so far as to write loving messages all over her body. As a child she had carved “help” into her arm. Now, wanting to make peace with her body, she gently wrote love notes to all her body parts.

Once you decide that hurting yourself is no longer an option, you need to find healthier ways to gain that feeling of release. Stopping a pattern of self-injury requires that you express feelings directly in a safe way. If you are angry, refocus your anger where it belongs-at the person or people who abused you. If you hurt yourself when you’re scared, practice responding to feelings of fear in a different way.” (The Courage to Heal)