"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Doubts, doubts, doubts. Who does not have them? The devotional below shares that it is a normal process in recovery to experience wrestling with our thoughts, even a sign of courage. I know I continue to do a lot of wrestling with my thoughts. Even the Psalmist wrestled daily with his thoughts. We are not immune to this. Must remember to pray for strength during these wrestling matches.

Low self-esteem, unworthiness, shame plays such a big part as well. And you know I have been struggling much more than usual these past few days in these areas.

It is so easy for me to go into failure mode. So, I lay claim to what the ending prayer states: "Help me, Lord, not to experience this struggle as spiritual failure."

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? Psalm 13:1-2

Sometimes our spiritual distress is centered on questions about God. Where is God? Why doesn't God help? At other times our spiritual distress is centered on questions about ourselves. What is wrong with me? How come I'm still struggling this much?

Doubts about ourselves can be profoundly troubling. We wonder if our faith will survive the struggle. We wonder if our faith is strong enough. Often we feel like spiritual failures. The kind of spirituality we have been taught does not envision 'good' Christians as people who wrestle with their thoughts and are sad everyday. We think of 'good' Christians as people who trust God and manage to smile in the midst of any circumstances. When we can't manage to do this, we question and criticize ourselves.

But wrestling with our thoughts and experiencing sorrow day after day is often a part of the recovery process. It is not a sign of failure to engage in this hard work. It is a sign of courage. And it is a sign that our faith is alive and struggling. People of real faith struggle in life. People of real faith are people who wrestle with thoughts and who feel sorrow in their heart.

Lord, I get so tired of thought-wrestling.
And I am so weary of heart-sorrow.
How long, Lord?
How long does this wrestling and sorrow go on?

Help me, Lord, not to experience this struggle as spiritual failure.
Help me to see this hard work as drawing me closer to you.
Remind me today that you are with me in all of this.
Remind me today that you understand. Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

Yes, our recovery process is often long and many times I feel very dry spiritually. Sometimes even thinking that God has forgotten me completely and then my problems overtake me. At these times is when I must trust that God has NOT forgotten me and I must trust that God is at work in me to walk side by side with me to help complete my journey.


  1. stuck-in-the-middleSeptember 23, 2009

    This is a topic we all can relate to . Hang in there JBR!

  2. I can really relate to this. Thanks for sharing.

  3. I was reminded today that even Elijah hid in a cave at some point and he heard from God directly. So, I think we're allowed to feel a shaky now and then. :)

  4. How long, O Lord? It seems that every child of God has asked this question at one time or another, and that every follower of God has felt neglected by God - or at least that they have waited a long time for God to do what needs to be done.
    God Bless

  5. I like this devotional. The issues in life can be hard to deal with unless we have God to helps us. I see you're on the right path.

  6. I guess to doubts many of us can relate easily. Sometimes doubts were a source of a depression bout for me and sometimes a force to figure what is behind!

  7. Kiddo the one doubt you can get rid of right now is the one that makes you think God has forgotten about you. That ain't never gonna happen. You are not some gunk on the sidewalk God scrapes off the shoe, you're stuck with that Spirit whether you believe it or not not matter what you feel or not God has your back.

  8. Precious one, God will never forget you. You are His beautiful daughter.

  9. JBR,

    While it may appear that God is silent, He isn't. He is always working in our lives in ways we will never know. Perhaps it is to bring a much needed phone call, card or person to us that will encourage and motivate us. Perhaps it is the kind smile that we get from a stranger. If we look hard enough, we can find God in the everyday. He is always near!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat