TRUSTING YOURSELF and THE INNER VOICE

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This post has two parts, as I wanted to supply the authors advice for help.

Trusting Yourself

“When children are abused, it’s threatening for them to trust their own perceptions. It was unbearable to acknowledge that the neighbor who pushed you on the swings and gave you birthday presents also made you touch his penis. It was too terrifying to admit that your mother, who went to work to support you and stayed up late to make you a dollhouse, had a scary smile on her face when she touched your genitals. So you pretended they weren’t doing these things or that these things were really all right. The lengths to which children go to distort their perceptions are striking.

When my father would come into my room at night, I would think, “That’s not my father. That’s an alien being.” I’d look at these people doing these things to me and think, “Invaders have taken over their bodies.” And these invaders were doing things to me. The original was still out there somewhere and why wouldn’t they come back? I’d think, “Daddy, why did you let those aliens take your body over?”

If the significant adults in your life told you that your experiences didn’t really happen, or that they happened in ways radically different from how you perceived them, you probably became confused and distressed, unsure what was real.

A father can stroke his daughter’s breast and explain it away by saying, “I’m just tucking you in.” A daughter can tell her mother that her stepfather touched her in a funny way. The mother can respond, “Oh honey, that was just a dream.”

It can also be terrifying to trust your inner voice if you’re afraid of what it will tell you. One survivor explained: “My greatest fear is that if I listen to my insides, I will become crazy like my mom. She’s often said to me, “You have the same kind of powers I do.” So the message is if I listen to my insides, I will really become off the wall. If I listen to my inner voice, I will drift into my own inner world, which is really crazy.” (The Courage to Heal)



The Inner Voice

“Within all of us, there is a wise, authentic inner voice that can tell us how we feel. If it’s been covered over or if you don’t have much practice listening to that voice, it may be very small, just a pipsqueak. Yet it is there. And the more you listen and act on it, the stronger and clearer that voice will grow.

Everyone experiences her inner voice differently. You may have bad dreams. You may get headaches. You may become exhausted. You may have a sudden urge to binge on cookies. Or you may notice you’ve cleaned the house twice in two days. The important thing is not what you experience but that you recognize it as a message.

Ellen discovered a few years ago that every time she was about to make a poor decision for herself, she’d get a tight, anxious feeling in her stomach:

Looking back, I could see that that simple physical warning had been there throughout my life, but I’d never before given it a hearing. I’d never stopped and said, hey, what is this squeamish feeling in my stomach telling me? Once I began to listen and to respect this feeling, I began making much better decisions for myself. Now, whenever I feel it, I stop what I’m doing and take a minute to trace where the feeling originated. This information has been immensely valuable.” (The Courage to Heal)

As I journey on through my way to freedom, some things are becoming more clearer and sensitive to my spirit. Where I can “check” now what I am sensing is authentic and not doubt as much to what I am feeling or experiencing.