"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, November 27, 2009


"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." (Colossians 4:6)

“The phrase, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!" couldn't be further from the truth. Words can be catastrophic, tearing through your heart like a tornado roaring down a residential street. While there may not be any visible destruction, the damage to your spirit can be just as devastating as a row of demolished homes.

Although the initial sting of harsh words is evident, you may be unaware of the lingering effects. Overly critical words leave you with hurt feelings and a poor self-image. Being wounded by someone with a critical spirit often changes how you see yourself. God holds us all accountable for how we use our words - especially the ones that hurt. Critical words don't come from a wise heart, nor do they reflect God's heart. Only He can heal your spirit and teach you how to respond to criticism. He's waiting to enrich your heart with encouragement, both for your good and for the good of others.” (Hope for the Heart)

I share the above because I am just as guilty. Both my parents were/are very critical individuals. My father especially was. Unfortunately, I too can be the same way. Being the hardest on myself. Although I can do it more subtlety, some people cannot. Case in point......

As I arrived at my mother’s for Thanksgiving dinner yesterday, I was greeted at the door with the words, “You have gained a lot of weight!” What a welcome! Now didn’t we have this freaking conversation a week ago where I told her I did not appreciate her comment then? Grant it she is up there in age, and I could blame her remark as a senior moment, but no! She has always done this. So there is no excuse.

Well, I had enough. I was seething, but only God and I knew this. I flat out told her that I did not appreciate her comment. She replied, that I was too sensitive. I remarked back, “no, and I do not care to have this topic ever brought up again.” She said in her defense, “well you could say the same thing to me and I wouldn’t get upset.” I finished by saying, “first I would not even say that to you or anyone else for that matter.” She huffed and that was the end of that particular topic. Hopefully for good!!

This was the first time that I did not feel guilty after confronting my mother about something. And it felt good!! Normally, I would not say anything to begin with and just accept her harsh words and sink lower into despair. But, I am tired of feeling crappy and I want healing and to begin to believe that I am worthy!! I may come over sounding mean, but it is all about me setting my boundaries.

She has already called me three times this morning about non-sense. The last time I did not even bother answering the phone.

Ironically enough, another incident with what I perceived as rejection also happened yesterday, which I will share about in another post in a couple of days.

Thanksgiving Day was certainly a trying and testing day for me.


  1. Good for you! You showed authority and you weren't going to take in any more. I'm sure you'll probably have to repeate this step more than once. Hopefully one day your mother will realize the verbal abuse of damage she has done to you. Keep it up. Great progress. God Bless

  2. Sometimes the holidays can be more of a challenge than a blessing. I too faced a challenge with a relative. For me this meant not having dinner with the family. I had to forgive her. The freedom comes when we forgive. It does not mean the person is right, it means I wont be in bondage to the words and actions. I forgive and I am free because of it. I didn't argue, rebuke or even release my true feelings. I took them to God told him how hurt I felt. We can't change others their behavior will remain the same until they submit to God. We can however change our reactions to them. I go to God for healing. You are precious in his eyes at all times no matter what the scale says. His love for you never changes. Go to the one who loves you when you recieve these critical hurtful words. You will be surprised at how soon the pain of it will receed.

  3. If we make it through Thanksgiving and nobody gets shot, we consider it a blessed day. Blast that music and tune your mother out.

  4. i am my own most critical judge, and words CAN hurt more than a broken bone... but you have a knack of putting it into perspective. thank you!

  5. A prayer for you:

    Dear Father, thank You that You love me more than I love myself. I am not alone. You are with me. Walk with me today. Give me Your strength. Give me renewed hope and eyes of faith. In Your powerful, precious name, Amen.

  6. Thank you all for your comments. Madison love your solution, amen! Shadow, glad my experience can help you a bit. Sorry that you are so very self critical also. Not fun, huh? Analisa, thank you for your visit and insight. Thank you for sharing that giving my pain to God is the ultimate answer! Onthewaynow, no doubt there will be repeated incidents. Who-ever you are, thank you for the prayer!

  7. Well done for keep standing up for you and GREAT for not feeling guilty afterwards. Great start into weekend.

  8. I am thankful you are setting healthy boundaries. It is definitely a journey and I am still a work in progress in this area, too.
    Blessings and hugs, andrea

  9. JBR,
    I don't think you came across mean. It just sounded firm. I think she was being mean. It took a lot of courage to say that to her and stand up for yourself.

    Blessings and Hugs to you,

  10. Well done for standing up for yourself!!! And I'm glad you feel good about it! :)
    Your mother deserved to hear it. Had you not said anything the topic would most likely keep coming back up again. I gather your mother doesn't feel too good about herself if she feels the need to put her own daughter down.

    Keep your head up! You did great.

  11. I'm so sorry that you had to endure these put downs. Im proud of you for setting a boundary. Tough love has to happen but sometimes it's harder on the healthy one who has to set it instead of the one it is given to. It will take your mother a while to get used to the new and healthier YOU. But thank God for giving you courage to take this step and ask Him to continue showing you how to take the next. Believe me, if you continue to get healthier with your boundaries, someday you will also find yourself able to forgive and actually feel sorry for your mom who continues to want to be critical. (doesn't mean you will ever have to agree with her actions) I know because I dealt with something similar with my father. Counseling helped me so much with this.

  12. Zan, thank you. Yes, more I am realizing my mum is also broken. Finally Free, thank you for the reminder! Even though she herself is broken, gives no excuse for her being mean! LeeAnn, appreciate your words. That 'forgiveness' part scares me though. I cannot connect to that as of yet. Andrea and Paula, thank you for your continued encouragement and support.

  13. Congrats on setting yourself free by standing for yourself!!

  14. Unfortunately wisdom does not always come with age. Perhaps your mum has to hear it and cannot learn any other way. You have to be the wiser and stronger one so that your mother does not set you back. Stick to your course JBR, with prayer and the Holy spirit at your back, you can't falter.
    May the Holy Spirit give you strength.

  15. Thanks for visiting JBR.
    I relate to some if not all you've been through, and of course non of us had 100% alike dark days, but darkness is/was common. I am not certainly, as successful as I should be to be/become "real", perhaps with precious insights from real people like you, I will.

  16. Dear One:

    When situations like this arise, I think what Jesus would have done. I just shut up and carry on. It can be difficult at times. Words especially. Proverbs has it all.

    Be strong and courageous. Our Lord is there with you.

    Joy always,

  17. Susan Deborah, thank you for your encouragement. Dean, appreciate your visit and comment. It can be hard to be "real" some times. The pain can be so unbearable. Being Me, I will certainly stick to my course. And grow stronger with each victory. Christina, thank you for your words.

  18. I think we need to be assertive at times to confront those who state bad remarks. Either they are not aware they are hurting someone's feelings or they are just plain tactless and rude! I'm glad you stood up for yourself! Not in a disrespectful way. But sometimes, they need a little dose of a positive criticism to douse the fire created by their negative ones. Way to go JBR! Like what you said, hope that's the end of it!!! God bless you.

  19. I'm grateful you were able to speak up for yourself. It's okay to be honest with how comments make you feel. Good for you! Keep setting the boundaries and one day she will understand there are lines that shouldn't be crossed.

    May you feel God's encouragement and love in a special way today.

    Praying for you, sweet lady!

  20. Thank you Lisa and Rcubes for your words of kindness and encouragement.

  21. Holidays can be really rough. Words from our past can have lasting effects on us. We must replace those words with the words God has to say about us. You are a wonderful women that God is using daily to bless others. You mean so much to me. May God put His arms around you today and show you how special you are. ((((Hugs))))

  22. Fantastic way to plant your feet, and say "No More"! Sometimes I wonder how people see themselves when they reply "I was only trying to be helpful"?? There is a world of difference between helpful and hurtful. Keep it up JBR!!

  23. I can understand completely how you must have felt inside when your mother said those things to you, and by experience. My whole life I was the one that the family made fun of and always about my looks. I'm nearly 45 today and I am still and constantly worried about my looks even though I have had plenty of people tell me I'm "beautiful". But if you don't feel that way it doesn't matter how many people tell you.
    Over the years I have gotten better about it, and only because of the Lord's love and grace.
    Words can hurt , very deeply, and have many lingering effects.
    Thank you for sharing with us and may God bless you always.
    Take care my friend,

  24. Boundaries are good and at times we need to let others knows that they are there...even our mom.

    Thank you for praying for my son.

  25. Hey JBR, you did great setting boundaries and taking care of you....Your mother has no intention or motivation to change and someone has to change the 'dance' between the two of you. Yep...it's up to you. Hang in there. Sarah

  26. It certainly sounds like you handled it with grace. I know from experience just how difficult it is to being setting boundaries with family members - Especially Moms!

    Keep fighting for it, though. I had to for my own recovery

  27. Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog. Setting boundaries is not being mean. It won't always feel that way as you get used to doing it. Boundaries are healthy. You are growing. Be proud of yourself. Expecting your mother to change at her age may be unrealistic. Just keep being firm with the new boundaries and feel better about yourself.

    My phone is paid for by me and just because someone calls doesn't mean I have to pick it up and answer it if it is someone that I don't want to talk to. I don't feel guilty about it either. Have a better day tomorrow.

  28. Sweetie, you are so amazingly awesome. Listen to God, He loves you dearly.

  29. YEA! For JBR showing her voice! :-)
    ~ Gracie

  30. Yea for you!!!! Well done! You're setting great limits!

  31. Good for you. Perhaps you should consider limiting the number of your mom's calls you will take in a week. Tell her you need to go, if she is inappropriate in the limited conversations, ignore the other calls. Don't tell her you have these boundaries. Show her. Protect yourself. If you visit an she is rude, tell her you have rememberd something has just come up and you must go (Your boundaries are in place! That is what is up). Honoring parents is not allowing them to be cruel to you.

    And you are changing. It takes time to feel as different as you will. Use your energy to pour into relationships that heal you and make you feel gklad to be alive. Stay away from the ones that kill your spirit.