"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, January 14, 2010


The more I am open to the healing touch of the Holy Spirit, the more God reveals to me the depth of my pain and asks that I trust Him with it.

Before my journey, my coping skills to survive my pain of abuse, neglect, shame, guilt have been hiding behind many masks. Pretending to be someone I was not.

For one of my life's examples in the past: "Let's see, whom shall I be today?" "I am really hurting bad today because someone in my class made a nasty comment about me, so I will put on my 'mean tough looking mask' and show them that I am invincible and their comment did not hurt me." All the while, I am dying dying dying inside!

I used that mask it seemed the most. For one, it put up a front, and second, if looks could kill, my 'mean looking mask' killed! Kept people at bay. Was my safety mask. Unfortunately, no one could get close to me though. Would even use this mask when I was very angry at my mother when I would come home from school and she would be drunk. I know she hated that mask because she would yell at me for being so mean to her!

It was and still is at times very painful Just to be Me! But, I am getting there.

God asks that we NOT fear Him. To go beyond the transcendent life to the supernatural. In the realm of the supernatural, there are so many pieces to the puzzle that all fit together that we are not even aware of, but God is! He wants us to trust Him, to live by faith and not sight and watch and wait to see what He will do.

Many times you may be thinking 'you are dying,' 'you cannot continue in your emotional pain,' but what I am finding out, each time, as I call out to Him, He does hear. May not be right away, but He does hear and He is our refuge and dwelling place in our most difficult times:


  1. It is difficult for many people to trust anything or anybody, heavenly or otherwise.


  2. What God provides for us when we are hurting is that peace which passes all understanding. God Bless.

  3. The many masks I wore became my best friends at times. It seemed to be so easy to take one off and immediately place another one without thinking twice about it.

    The temptation to wear that mask again occurs numerous times throughout my days. I've had to tell myself that I can either cover myself in disbelief or faith. It's hard to walk around vulnerable and feeling exposed.

    Keep trusting in God sweety. He's unveiling to us through each teachable moment what His plan is for us and how He is with us during every step of our healing journey.

    Hope you have a great day! Hugs!!!

  4. Just passing by to say hi, i'm thinking of you!
    Blessings!!!Trust such a great subject.

  5. stuck-in-the-middleJanuary 14, 2010

    Keep trusting JBR it will all fall into place.

  6. I can relate to this post. I was good at being whoever you wanted me to be. In the process I lost myself. Thanks for sharing.

  7. We all wear some masks in one way or another. I see this a lot at work where people wear one just to be accepted. But this is the beauty of being changed by the Spirit inside-out. With Him, there is no more fear, no more pretending. Because we are starting to understand how much He really loves us and accepts us in the first place. Thank you for your honest post. Blessings to you JBR and I'm glad for all those praise reports you had about our Christian bros. and sisters safe in Haiti. Praise be to God.

  8. The most powerful sentence in your post - "He does hear."

  9. Praise God, yes He hears, always.

  10. This sentence resonated through my soul: God wants us to trust Him, to live by faith and not sight and watch and wait to see what He will do.
    Be faithful in spite of feelings. Wait for what He will do.

  11. Hiding seems to be so much easier than allowing God to heal the wound. What a lie that is, though.

    Thank you for sharing this journey you are on. He is using you for His glory!

  12. How horrible someone said something mean, she has not walked in your shoes, nor knows anything of your pain.....you are an innocent who has been mistreated and abused but I know you will soon find yourself and be the beautiful butterfly you are meant to be....I feel those who are mean speaking have many problems and pain of their own, it is their problem JBR, give it back to them and cling to those who love and care for you.....:-) Hugs

  13. I know so well the issue of wearing masks and the one of being invincible..nothing getting to me...looking totally together but dying on the inside...I didn't think I was good enough....but JBR...I've gotten to know you a bit and for what it's worth...I think you are more than good enough just being you. No masks.. Hugs to you my special friend. Sarah

  14. I relate to wearing masks in order to hide, all to well. In some ways, I am thankful for these masks because they helped me survive some really tough things. They were my protection. On the flip side, these masks have hurt me and like you said, kept people away...because when we are wearing a mask or not ourselves people don't really have a chance to know the real us. The thing is by wearing masks all the time, it became almost a habit and something I did without thinking. So I would catch myself wearing a mask when I really didn't need to protect myself anymore.

    It became one day at a time(sometimes a moment at a time)of laying down the masks.

    I am thankful that my days of feeling the need to wear masks or be someone else in order to survive are more a thing of the past...that habit has been broken. Thank you God! :)

    Here's to taking off masks and trusting in God to protect. Beautiful post...thank you for reminding me. XX

  15. Thank God for the healing touch of the Holy Spirit.


  16. Yes, He hears. And yes, He is our refuge. Hugs and prayers.

  17. How well I relate to wearing masks! Those protective devices came in handy to avoid pain against my wounded ego. Sometimes I still catch myself trying to slip one of those old masks on...