My father in many ways was not a good father. Sure, I understand now that he went through a lot of crap in his life to make him what he was. My father was also not a good listener. Meaningful conversations with him were zero to none. He never took the time to find out the "real me." I had to fight for his undivided attention many times. And when I did, he would make light of the situation. My father was very opinionated. While growing up, most of the time my father's drinking had him out of commission and he was always sleeping it off. Not only that, he neglected what it took to be a father that cared. He could not hold down a job. He was on his second marriage. His other three children from his previous marriage were not talking to him. They too felt alienated. Even upon his death 20 years ago, and on his third marriage, two of his children from his first marriage refused to come to his funeral, let alone acknowledge they even had a father.
God, my Heavenly Father is a good Father. Even though I may not understand why certain things He lets happen. He understands all the crap that I have gone through that made me what I am today. My Heavenly Father is also a good listener. In fact the best. Now, He may listen, but He does not always answer the way I would like Him to. My Heavenly Father does know the "real me." My Heavenly Father always is attentive and has my best interest in mind. Even though I may question and doubt.
I so need a father now! A father that comforts, consoles, and soothes my pain. I need a father who loves. I need a father who understand my confusion in connecting the dots when it comes to receiving, accepting and sharing love. My earthly father was not available for this.
I need a father! I need a father! I need a father!
And that father is now My Heavenly Father!
Well I had all those things in a father because my mother abandon her children for her job and my father was my "best friend" so I told people and felt it for 40 years and then my heavenly Father had other plans and started revealing through night terrors and visions and day time terrors what my dads true purpose was...now I not only have no earthly relationship with a 'dad' (at least for the moment) while processing new night terrors and memories I am struggling on a new level with my Heavenly Father as well. So to say that I totally understand your latest entry is a complete, total understatement. I love you and thank you as always for your ability and desire to be real ;=o)
ReplyDeleteYour Father loves you so very, very much. You are His precious one.
ReplyDeleteAnd He loved you from the start. I'm thankful that He is our All in All. May God's love comfort you JBR. Take care.
ReplyDeleteYES! well said, jbr. well said.
ReplyDeleteHe is with you now, and always will be.
ReplyDeleteMay you feel secure, safe, heard, unerstood in the love he has for you!!
ReplyDeleteEven the best earthly father can never be for us what our Heavenly Father is. He always hears and answers our cry of, "I need a Father!!"
ReplyDeleteAMEN....U and I both cling to our Heavenly Father!
ReplyDeleteBlessings, andrea
Well put for the ones who struggle without a father figure. Jesus is your father now.
ReplyDeleteOur Heavenly Father loves us way more then our Earthly parents ever could.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking tonight at church how if I let Him in, my Heavenly father can be everything and more that I ever wanted from BOTH my parents. The thought gave me instant peace. Then the pain of that thought took it over. I still want my parents to be something they are not.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad when we don't receive what we need from our fathers or mothers. I just can not relate to having a real father figure, but like you I am blessed in that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me.
ReplyDeleteGirls learn so much from their fathers. How to love,or how to be abandoned. I love that God loved us before we were even born. We are important to him.
I am glad that you know your Father loves you beyond measure. You are worthy and loved.
There comes a time when one embraces life, lets go of the past and moves forward to all the wonderful things the future holds. Keep living in your Faith and trust God....the Father you need right now......:-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteMy earthly father was not in many ways a good man or a good father... but I as you are too - blessed to be loved my our Heavenly Father who will never fail us.
ReplyDeleteLove to you
Kelly
Your story made me cry. My father hurt me bad and until I realized I had a loving father in heaven my life was hell. Thanks for your post. Ellen
ReplyDeleteOur Father loves you very much, and he definitely hears you.
ReplyDeleteBless you dear.
BM
What a sucky dad. But, then, all things work together for good. I wonder what good things came out of having a rotten dad. He's more than likely one of the many out there.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate.....from the moment He touched me....I knew I was home. ☺
ReplyDeleteYour Heavenly Father knows you and loves you and wants to help you return to Him. Your life on Earth is part of His plan for you to gain a body, learn, grow, and find joy. Sometimes life is hard, lonely, or frightening, but your Heavenly Father is always there. He sorrows when you suffer and rejoices when you do what is right. He wants to communicate with you as you sincerely pray to Him, and He stands ready to give you comfort, peace, and guidance in your life.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate with you!!
ReplyDeleteOur Father is WITH you!He loves you!and His grace will always protect you.
Blessings!!
((Hugs))
Betty xx
You are so right JBR, Our Heavenly Father is, and always has been your Father. Its simply that you have now allowed him into your heart and see how much he is there for you.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what you are going through, no matter where you are - He will always be there!
Just your Heavenly Father, he will never let you down.
ReplyDeleteI had a wonderful father and was so blessed to have him!
ReplyDeleteThis little poem is for you, JBR.
Don't Let Go
hold my hand and don't let go
we belong together
like the first winter snow
together we can overcome the world
and hold the highest star
for you are my God
and I'm you child by far ...
So hold my hand dear Lord
and don't let go
because we belong together
like the first winter snow.
Margie:)
I need a father too. My heart goes out and aches for you. Hang in there... ((()))
ReplyDeleteThanks again for revealing your heart's cry and the needs you had/have for a Father. I'm so grateful we all have a Heavenly Father who always holds, protects and listens to us and wants the very best for us. Seeing I was in the same boat as you were in terms of not having that good role model with an earthly Father, the obstacles have been greater but God is in the healing business.. baby steps. Here is a song that the choir sang in church one day that just hit "that certain spot" with me. All I could do was cry and cry when I heard it...
ReplyDeleteIn the emptiness of silence-when the world has turned away; beneath the weight of sorrow-when I can no longer pray; In the wilderness of worry, In the desert of despair; in the never ending darkness-when it seems that no one cares,
I am not afraid, I am not alone. You hold me in your hands and will not let me go.
Though the waters rise and though the winds may blow, I will not be afraid, for I am not alone.
When there are no words for comfort that can stem the flow of tears, when I'm stranded by the rising tide of fear; when there is no path before me, when my feet have lost their way, I remember You are with me-and I am not afraid.