Since processing from last Thursday's t. session, I seem to be noticing a bit more agitation towards my mother. I have not seen her close to two weeks, but continue to speak with her daily on the telephone.
Since accepting last weeks revelation that she physically abused me while growing up, I am feeling some rising resentment or dare I say it, anger towards her. Especially when she calls, which her phone calls seem to be increasing with non-sense talk and then getting upset with me when I do not agree with her about something. I really do not want to speak with her. This is only the beginning. As I know there is a lot more rage within me that needs to be unearthed that just has not come out yet...... but it will, it will.....
Good evening, JBR~
ReplyDeleteWhat you are feeling is normal. I felt the same way after the sexual abuse from my brother and a neighbor came out and I confronted him. I think what had made me the most angry was that my brother didn't remember ANY of it. I had those memories and had to relive them every day, and at that point, I wanted him to have to suffer to some degree of whatever, right along with me.
It has been a long journey for me, but I have completely forgiven my brother and my neighbor. PRAISE GOD that those chains of bondage have been loosened from me, never to have hold on me again! HALLELUJAH!
I know that one day you will have that same FREEDOM!
Blessings, sweet friend~
Laura
I told a friend the other day that she doesn't have to answer her phone when someone calls that she doesn't want to talk to. That is what caller I. D. and answering machines are for.
ReplyDeleteIf your mother is still abusing you, don't talk to her. Just because she is your mother isn't a good reason to let her continue to abuse you. You deserve better. I know with our parents we still feel like children but we aren't. Taking care of yourself is not a reason to feel guilty. If I am stepping on toes and saying things that you don't want to hear, you can tell me to shut up. It won't hurt my feelings.
So good to feel the anger, sweetie, it is valid and real and true and justified. Be safe with it, though, and remain focused on your health and safety - you are Number One here! Not your mother or her feelings. Brave one, keep fighting!
ReplyDeleteForgiving does not necessarily mean forgetting. That is what I have learnt. But it does help to heal the wound. Your mother hurt you as no mother should. You should be honest with her.
ReplyDeleteBUT help yourself first, don't think about her feelings, think about yours now. Don't answer her calls until you are ready. Don't let yourself feel bullied, draw a line.
Leave her to God, you take care of you.
Be strong.
BM
Concentrate on you dear.
ReplyDeleteJBR what about taking a break from your mom for a while. Can you tell her you are working on some issues and need some space? I hate to see you with more anger when you have to deal with past anger. You know sometimes it is impossible to figure out the past as it is impossible to change it. You have to do what is best for you right now. Your mom will just have to deal with it.....as long as you are honest with yourself and her. Am continuing to pray for you.......:-0 Hugs
ReplyDeleteDoes your mother know about your findings? If she does what does she have to say for herself?
ReplyDeleteYou have along road ahead of you but you can do this. Your will survive with God at your side.
I pray for your comfort and strength.
I am new to your blog but wanted to tell you that I was abused by my mother, brother, and a few others growing up... I left home at the age of 17 and I am now 30. I haven't seen her since that time.. I separated myself completely from my family... it wasn't hard... but its hard knowing why I did it and that I was robbed of a healthy life.... praying for you and that God heals you..
ReplyDelete