"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


My initial brokenness began about a year and a half ago. I knew I had major issues in my life that needed to be addressed. I was severely depressed. I was tired of living the life that I came to know oh so well and to learn that I was only surviving my past.

I felt just like the song depicts below, that I was "falling apart and just barely breathing and hanging on." Some days I felt so "flat lined," I wondered how I even functioned. I had no idea how deep my emotional pain was, until I went to counseling.

It has not been easy. There were times I just wanted to quit! But, as I continued to be more broken, not saying the pain becomes easier, but there is a certain comfort in seeing and knowing that through the pain I have been gaining healing.

Also, recognizing I have become closer to God in my pain, despite my struggle with accepting His trust and love. My journey has revealed to me that these struggles go painfully deep. But, I am always reminded by others, that it is okay. That in time, His love will break through.

And when that happens, "Look Out!"

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you


  1. Great post JBR, coming closer to God while enduring such trials is a good sign, it shows you are really trusting in Him and relying upon Him to help you through this.
    And His love will break through :)

  2. stuck-in-the-middleMarch 23, 2010

    JBR you've come a long way. Like the phrase goes, you've come a long way baby!

  3. JBR I found a good article on Brokeness that maybe some of your readers can benfit from. It's long. You can delete it if you feel it's not appropriate. You're doing a great job. God Bless.

    The Place of Brokenness

    It is a difficult place to be—the place of brokenness. It is not easy to dwell where direction is limited, answers few, a place where what little is know makes no sense at all. It is a testing as with fire to feel helpless, lost and broken. We are not built for such things. Our very souls crave stability, surety, confidence, and knowledge.

    Sometimes the shaky ground of an uncertain tomorrow is enough to drive us to our knees. Then the dark mist of uncertainty begins to feel like slow death and there is little that can be said but—press on. So—press on!

    “I lift my eyes up to the hills—where does my help come from?” (Psa. 121:1)

    We have not trained ourselves, despite the past trials, to endure the long seasons of drought, or for that matter, the sudden storms. Because despite all that has gone before, His mercies must be ever new—ever measured for the present strife. “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2Cor. 4:8).

    “My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth” (Psa. 121:2).

    Our help comes from He who has made the heavens and the earth—He who has made us. He has numbered the hairs on our heads and surely, surely He has not forgotten us. He who sent His Son to die for us, to save us, surely He is not unconcerned with our daily struggles. Surely He hears our cries and now—even now—comes to our aide.

    So, while many circumstances contrive to wreck us, contrive to make us doubt His faithfulness and love—let us look expectantly for His coming. Because the way has been long and the path steep we are rightfully weary. The trials have been many so, understandably, we struggle to stand—to walk. Yet He visits us in our bed of sorrow, sees us in our paralysis and calls to us, “Get up and walk!”

    If we call out, “Lord I am so tired. I haven’t the strength.”
    He answers, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2Cor. 12:9). A broken and contrite heart He has never despised so I do not fear He will turn us away.

    Lord, may Your grace fill us that we might see more than our eyes see. Let our weakness demonstrate Your perfect power. Let us be ever weak that we might receive Your strength. If You will walk with us, my God, then we will walk and walk even through the valley of the shadow of death. Only give us sight for the next step—and lead on!

  4. What a great song that is.


  5. Thanks for sharing JBR.

  6. I love this verse.
    "But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." (Ephesians 5:13-14 [NIV])

    God wakes us up from our slumber, our sleepwalking and we begin to really see, and he takes us on a journey. It's not an easy journey, but I would not want to go back. (well maybe there are moments) but they quickly pass.


  7. Powerful post sweetie. I agree you have come a very long way. Keep going. He's with you.

  8. Thanks for the inspiration today. Was kinda down, now feeling better! ((JBR))

  9. I think in many respects the depth of our bottom has a lot to do with the quality of our recovery. One of my favorite "circuit speakers," Peg M. always says "I wish for you the gift of desperation." Desperation is an incredibly powerful driver in getting us to make the important changes in our lives. That's sure how it was for me. Thanks for the reminder!

  10. I also found comfort in knowing, and drew closer to God in my brokenness. Thanks for this post and the video of the song. I love that song. Hugs.

  11. You are healing each day!
    Think about all the good that is in your life & feel the joy!
    I find when I am feeling down I think about all the good that I am blessed with and I'm feeling so much better!

    Margie :)

  12. You have come a long way. You help me through some impossible times.God has never left me no matter the darkness.

  13. I'm proud of you. It takes courage to face pain.

  14. This is my first time hearing this song...great message!

  15. Your truth rings. To be broken one has to have a willing heart. You've proved this time and time again by your realness. Keep it up!

  16. Yes my friend, keep holding on.

  17. One of my most favorite ever songs. :) I love this version, and have it somewhere on my blog as well. Hang in there, keep holding on, and hanging on for one more day.

  18. Look out! is right! After taking a peek at your other blog I can see that you will be a tremendous witness for the Kingdom. What a difference between the two blogs, one is like a before picture and the other is like an after picture! With that kind of faith you are sure to get your healing :)

  19. Being broken is difficult and still painful. It's hard to believe we are actually healing from being so shattered. I loved this post. Incredible song!!