I am getting ready for my brother and sister-in-law's visit this Thursday. Looks like they will be staying with me until Monday.
I so appreciated all the diverse comments to my post when I first mentioned about my brother staying with me. For those of you who are not familiar with my history with him, he sexually abused me when I was around 9-10. He is four years older than I. You can read about this post HERE.
They will be staying with me. God has protected my mind and my emotions with what happened with my brother and I this long, I continue to believe He will do the same.
It has been rough for me to get started to at least have my home presentable for their visit. I know my brother could care less, and some what my sister-in-law too. But still for any of us who live alone, our mess is our mess. We know where we have thrown things, and some things maybe not. Our "stuff" could stay in its thrown place years, until we have to pick it up to make life more desirable for others.
Seems each time they come, I do less and less of straightening up. I think this visit will be the same, if not less. I just do not have the desire.
I think I have gained ground and established this side of independence that now shouts, "you either like it or not," then I hear the haunting guilt from my mother's lips, "oh no, shame on you. You be a good girl and clean your house." Whatever....
This visit of my family will not be easy.
Not be easy in the sense, that when my mother and brother are together, she will undoubtedly remind him of, "how mean I have been," "how I do not care much about her anymore," that "I do not call her," that "I do not spend the time I once did," "what an awful daughter I am," etc. She masters in guilt. She will bring up anything she can about my behavior to them.
She flung guilt trips on me last year when they came. My brother, even though he says he jokes, he sides with her. He is scared of my mother and chimes in and then my sister-in-law does the same.
Last year I ignored them, but took on the tremendous shame and condemnation and was crushed the whole time of their visit.
Asking them to stop, only fueled the flames.
This time I will ignore them again, as.....
I am stronger in believing who I am in Christ.
Their words will still sting.
Oh yes, without a doubt.
Difference this time from last year will be that what they say about me, I know is not truth.
I may have to take myself aside a few times.
Wipe away my tears.
Wrap my arms around me and rock myself.
And remind myself who I am in Christ.
I am still learning about you...and I don't know if I should admit this or not but.... what's happened to you makes me angry... it's obvious that you are still suffering daily due to events that have taken place in your life... I simply do not understand your mother and your brother.... and they make me angry.... that is all... I am sure in due time you will update us..... and that you are already praying for guidance and strength....
ReplyDeleteShanel, since we are being honest here, and I am going to take a BOLD step here.
ReplyDeleteI certainly do respect you and appreciate where you are coming from and the anger that you feel, that I cannot at this time. Shanel, could something be triggering you personally as well that you become angry with my situation? Just a thought?
Thanks again, and my intention is not to hurt you by my words.
God will see you through this time with your mother and brother. He'll give you the strength of his word to get you through. AS you said he's seen you through the many years and has protected you. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteKnow that this year YOU are the strong one, and he is the weak one, still afraid of your mother's guilt trips. Hoping your strength and God's Strength sustain you through the next week.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you, dear friend. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am praying that the Lord will reveal to you, too if there are some things He is going to turn around to good, pertaining to this visit. Hurtful as it might be, praying here JBR that everything would lead to total healing for you...Hang in there sister and I'm glad you're choosing to believe in who you are in Christ. Glory to God!
ReplyDeleteOh I wonder? :) It makes me sad to hear how they treat you. My Dad and bros treated my Mom this way for YEARS ... whenever my Mom would say - "I have this idea ..." My Dad would pipe up and say - whoopie! and my bros would just chime in and agree with him ... mainly b'c they were afraid of him. Mom is here with me and she is a pretty gentle soul. I read a letter she wrote when she was about 28 and I saw alot of myself in her style of writing.
ReplyDeleteOh - and I love this scripture: 'Surely the wrath of man shall PRAISE You and the remainder of wrath You shall RESTRAIN!' Ps. 76:10
Praying GOD will protect your heart, mind, and body from any bad thoughts or actions. Praying HE will give you tremendous peace, love, and comfort.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
andrea
"I am stronger in believing who I am in Christ. "...praying this over you....
ReplyDeleteIt must be so hard to be with him, knowing the past as you do. Even so, I feel compelled to say that he was also a child. It doesn't make it right, or even understandable, and it certainly doesn't change your feelings. The only thing it seems to change is his intention. At 13 or 14 children have not yet developed the part of the brain that controls impulsive behavior. Many teenagers get into all kinds of trouble.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for both of you to have to live with the aftermath of that. Regardless of the age of the offender, it still scarred you.
I'm praying for a peaceful visit.
I am praying for you during this visit. You are such a strong person and I know God will be there holding you up. Keep yourself in the light, JBR!!
ReplyDeletePraying for you extra and sending my love and ((((HUGS)))) your way during this time!
ReplyDeleteBlessings~
Laura
Asking God to love you, protect you, and comfort you.
ReplyDeleteJBR, I keep you in my prayers, too.
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong woman, and I am sure they will see the difference now versus last year.
Treat yourself gently.
God is with you my friend and so are my prayers to you
ReplyDeleteLove
kelly
Many prayers for you with your visitors. many many.
ReplyDeleteYour re very courageous despite the obstacles that lay ahead. Having Christ in your life makes all the difference in tackling what is put before you. Continue on the road to freedom. Youre helping many people with your experiences.
ReplyDeleteJBR I am proud of you as not to superclean your homeAfterall it is your home. And being who Iam, if they like to side with your mother in their denila, they should stay with her or in a hotel. However the other side of the medal is that I consider you very brave having them around again. AND I remember what kind of mess you were last year before and during their visit. You for sure have grown so very much - never forget, YOU have grown. YOU are the success. I will be thinking of you
ReplyDeletePraying for you thse days ahead JBR. Hang in there.
ReplyDelete"I have grown." Yes, I do need to be reminded of this. Thank you Paula!
ReplyDeleteLynda, Kelly, Pam, Denise, Laura, stuck, Lily, Karen, Andrea, Rosel, Winny, onthewaynow, and Kathy, thank you all for your prayers of encouragement and lifting me up. So much appreciated!
Anonymous thank you for your kind words.
Shen, appreciate your words of encouragement and insight.
Lucy, thank you for sharing a bit about your family struggles and the scripture verse.
I'm wondering if you really need to put yourself through this stress? Just a thought. Learning to draw boundaries, as you know I am sure, is part of the healing process. And as far as the house goes, I struggle with perfectionism (or at least controlling what I want to show to others) and relatives visiting can put a great strain on me...I try to pace myself as to what I need to get done to be in my comfort zone, but still being realistic that I cannot do it all, and accepting that this is where we live and I don't spend all my time cleaning...I have much more important things to do with my life, like living each day to the fullest and investing time in others...so when I remind myself of these things it helps. Thanks for visiting the CORE blog recently!
ReplyDeleteYES! You DO know the truth this time, and it has all worked out for the best with him not coming (I'm reading your posts backwards :).
ReplyDelete