It was discovered in Thursday t. session that I always say that "I need to feel" whatever I am experiencing first.
Perfect example as I was sharing with my t. that I have not forgiven myself for past things I have done. I hold on to a lot painful regrets. Resulting in shame that should not be mine.
That "I need to feel forgiven." I cannot feel forgiven until I have "decided" to forgive myself. Same with, "I need to feel the joy of the Lord." I cannot feel the joy until I "decide" to believe that the joy of the Lord is offered to me and I can freely accept it.
We discovered that I have always expected to "feel" first before "deciding."
A perfect major example and probably the only one I can think of that I decided first before the feeling, was....... when I accepted Christ into my life. I did not "feel" first. I made a "decision" to accept Him first. I know the Lord had His hand in that decision, as if I went on my feelings first, I still would be waiting to accept Him.
That is why I as a Child of God have never experienced the fullness of His love, His joy, His peace, His excitement because I have be waiting to "FEEL." And there is no feeling until I decide that I want what is offered!
Boy, this was hard to swallow when the "A-ha" moment came on Thursday.
I was ready to receive this truth though.
I cannot tell you in these past few days how very conscience I have become with my thinking and asking God to fill me with His presence without the feeling first.
It is so unnatural for me.
This is not going to be easy!!
I have never experienced His fullness of love and joy. For those of you who do, I bet it is awesome!
I have my work cut out for me with changing yet another stinkin' thinkin' process that has been with me for a very long time. As all I did was by pass my feelings when faced with emotional trauma growing up. I could not handle what I was going through. That is probably why I am so analytical, stuffed my feelings and emotions all these years and tried to just reason out my hurts.
Now, I have the opportunity to change things around for the better with God's help. Putting "faith" and "deciding first" before feelings will make all the difference.
Will undoubtedly take time.
Nothing I can do about that.
I know I will have days when I will become frustrated in this area, seeking a change right away.
But, just knowing that eventually my feelings will catch up and then I can experience all that He has for me will be worth it!!!
JBR, you said it all right here...
ReplyDelete"Putting "faith" and "deciding first" before feelings will make all the difference. "
That fullness of joy and love is for each and everyone of His children...a divine promise...
Reach out and grab it!
Your awareness will bring change eventually. Sure, it may be hard work, but if it's something you want then it will be well worth it in the end.
ReplyDeleteWishing you well,
NOS
I am so about "feelings" too and am also having to break out of that way of thinking. We will be free...totally free in Christ. Love and (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI can understand to totally, that is why I am on this yoyo. At times I know for certain he is there and I need not worry. I know he has forgiven and I have peace in my heart. Then I go back to my old ways of feeling shame and guilt and then I am back to square one and so the story goes on and on... Blessings dear.
ReplyDeleteAs I was just sharing with another blogger on her site, the Lord has impressed upon my heart more than ever now to concentrate on reading the Psalms more. Not to try so hard to "feel."
ReplyDeleteJust let Him be who He is. As my pastor continually says in prayer to us all that "may the Word of God and His love be massaged in our hearts deeply." I am paraphrasing.
Thank you all for your comments.
For me, I've had a different experience. I too did/do something similar with my feelings. With God's love, my heart was like a sieve...I knew and was prayed for in this area. Then, I made the "mistake" of asking God to engrave His Fatherly love into my heart. Remember to be careful for what you pray for. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe result was a season of deep pain and feelings. All at the same time, feeling God's presence in my life.
I believe that it isn't faith and thinking first, but rather than feel and be real with yourself about your feelings. At the same time, putting faith and thinking first. Sometimes, feelings, faith or emotions will lead you where you need to be.
It is a long painful process, but with lots of relieve in between. Praying that God will lead your healing journey and that you will experience his deep, deep love for you.
ReplyDeleteThere's something powerful about setting an intention. To believe. To accept love and grace.
ReplyDeleteClueless, thank you for sharing. I get it what you are saying.
ReplyDeleteYes, God will certainly honor our prayers. So, what I pray for, I so need to mean it.
What you wrote after you prayed that prayer to God: "The result was a season of deep pain and feelings. All at the same time, feeling God's presence in my life."
I have the season of pain, and just waiting for the "feeling" of His presence to come along side. Thanks.
Hi San. Have not seen you in ages. Thanks for dropping by.
I didn't read this post yet, please forgive me. The reason I am writing you is because I gave you the passionate blogger's award. You can copy the picture from my blog and put it on your blog. Also you are allowed to pass it on to five other bloggers if you wish!
ReplyDeletePeace of Christ,
Amanda
JBR this post is what's it's all about. God's love is free and unconditional. His joy is free and unconditional. You don't deserve any of it. He's given himself to us freely because of his son. The feelings will catch up to you. Once you've got it in your heart that he loves you, you will then experience all that he offers. Yes it's awesome. JBR I'll be waiting with excitement for your arrival one day soon to his love. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteAmen.
ReplyDeleteWhen you "decide" to let down the safety barriers that you have "decided" to build for yourself, and when you "decide" to "be still and listen for Him", maybe you will "feel" Him. God is there; He has always been there for you, and He has more patience than any human can imagine. You have nothing to lose by allowing yourself to feel Him, and you have everything to gain! I know you are afraid to trust and rightfully so. But when you finally "decide" to let go and allow Him inside, you are going to ask yourself, "why did I wait so long? I could have been living with His Grace all along."
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you, dear one. I know you can and will do this. His love is all around you - in the morning sun, nature, the birds that fly, the roof you have over your head, the food you have been provided, and the very existence of you on earth - it is all by the will of God who patiently awaits your call.
With love,
Abbey
Wow! a great aha moment!! I am a "feeler" I want to experience the truth of God's love - I have had glimpses of it!! I am learning that the lack of "feelings" does not change the truth of his love. Learning to live it the truth of something, learning to live trusting no matter how I feel. The experiences do come!!
ReplyDeleteIt is a change in our thinking isn't it....
May you experience his great and abiding love for you in a very tangible way!!!
Yeah JBR!!!! God's love is like air - it surrounds you all the time, even when you don't notice it. What a breakthrough, congrats!
ReplyDeleteMary, great encouragement. Especially, the lack of my feelings does not change the truth that He does love me. Awesome, thank you.
ReplyDeleteAbbey, that is one thing I am truly grateful for and that is His patience. I truly want to experience His fullness before I leave this earth!
I am waiting for that 'catch up' one day, onthwaynow thanks.
Denise, I ditto your amen!
Winny, it truly will be a complete breakthrough once it happens, amen!
Thank you Lady Amanda.
You are on your way....Don't fret so much...Your doing great!
ReplyDeleteOur third Step in AA begins: "Made a decision..."
ReplyDeleteand continues: "to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM."
Sound familiar? Just as you stated JBR--grin!
Thanks for coming over to S's blog!
How wonderful, JBR. I'm so happy for you. We all have to follow our own road to the place we are meant to be. It's good to see you are on yours.
ReplyDeleteJBR,
ReplyDeleteI couldn't go by "feel" for many years. It was by faith and can be pretty difficult. It seems to me that you are making amazing progress. Some people take their entire lives to see what you are seeing. The joy of the Spirit will come because you are the Lord's and this is his promise to you.
I also struggle with not forgiving myself for my past/different but some similar situations. Good first statement. The second statement is to decide before that feeling comes. How true. Excellent post. I get so much insight from reading them and esp. some of the insight not only God give you but your t. gives you and those "a-hah" moments. You seem to have an excellent t. that just keeps on probing deep, helping you to press through the pain. Thinking of and praying for you each day. Hope this Mother's day isn't too tough of a one for you..but ends up being unexpected glorious moments. Janie
ReplyDeleteGod usually forgives us long before we ever forgive ourselves. My forgiven of myself began with forgiving the inner child for not being able to protect herself. I had to forgive myself for abandoning my inner children and had to learn how to start nurturing them and myself. I had to find examples of women who seem to know how to take care of themselves. I watched them and started doing what I saw them doing to take care of themselves.
ReplyDeleteThis was a big ah-ha moment for you. Be gentle with yourself. Don't push. Just let it happen. Blessings to you. (((Hugs)))
Oh no, deciding on the direction and feeling feelings - one of the hardest challenges I ever had to meet. Without my intense trauma therapy I still would wonder how certain feelings feel after I allowed them or decided on them. Art is helping a lot and nature too. And my former nightly brooding turned into the most productive time of the day by now. I love all tehse changes inside me, however hard they might be. it means progress and learning. We are such great students of life. learning to live life on life terms. Fabulous isnt it? Have a great start into week
ReplyDelete