"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Friday, June 18, 2010

BREAKING PROTOCOL

Wow, I see some changes in me this time around with my brother's visit.

First, really this concerns my mother, but I broke protocol with my mother this morning. I did not call my mother at our usual scheduled morning time. I just did not want to. She waited about 45 minutes later and called and when I picked up the receiver I gave the phone to my brother who then quickly passed it off to my sister-in-law (S-I-L) who graciously took my mothers call. She grilled my S-I-L as to why I did not call her and my S-I-L then said to my mother, "I guess she wanted you to sleep longer" she muttered. Whatever.

The visit at my mum's was as expected. I think I had to leave the room close to 15 times in a five hour span when I felt I was being verbally attacked. I had really a bad headache and left for a while to lay down which brings me to my final interesting and emotionally painful change from today.

While my brother was driving me and my S-I-L back to my place from my mothers, I fell asleep in the back seat as my head was throbbing. I presently live about 1/2 mile from the house where I grew up and some of the abuse took place. Out of the blue my brother wakes me up and we are in front of our old house. I forgot, this is one of his exciting "remembrance" adventures he likes when he comes for a visit. So he is telling me to wake up and look at our old house and see what the present owners have done to it. All I saw was my old house in its original condition back in the 1960's and me in it. I never wanted so much to get out of there. Never had such a startle and sick feeling like this before.

It seems I am getting so in tuned now to my feelings these days. Even though this was an unexpected and unpleasant moment, it is showing me that I am connecting, painfully.

My brother is also noticing I am more stern with him now, and not the easy go let's insult kiddingly (if you can) JBR anymore. He looks at me with astonishment at times.

Oh well.... there is more of me to change as God continues to work in me.

Amen and Hallelujah!

Off to dinner with the family. Hopefully the food will at least help my headache.....

To think we all are going to do this again tomorrow going to my mums. For this past year I have done nothing but try and stay away from seeing my mum as much as possible, and in this one weekend I am inundated! Yikes!

How many more days left?????...........

UPDATE

Feeling better everyone, thanks for your comments and prayers. The Glory of God is released in my soul and is carrying me through these days ahead. Blessings!

.................................................................................................................................................... I Got The Joy!

13 comments:

  1. when things get too bad go to your haapy place.mine is my HD Music.

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  2. Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of this and a headache too. Standing here by you.

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  3. The trials we face are so very difficult at times, aren't they? What should be a joy(if family dynamics are healthy) becomes a huge burden instead. I am reading the pain in your post and can see how stressful this is for you. No wonder you had a headache. My prayers are with you, JBR.

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  4. Wow, I can only imagine how hard it must have been seeing your house. But I'm glad you asserted yourself with your mom.

    I hope you feel better!

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

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  5. Feeling better everyone, thanks for your comments and prayers. The Glory of God is released in my soul and is carrying me through these days ahead. Blessings!

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  6. Praying your head pain is better. Can't do much for dysfunctional family pain except pray too! Wishing you a healing weekend.

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  7. Must be tough for you but at the same time, seeing your strength as you continue to keep trusting in Him. And He Who started this work will be faithful to complete it in you. Blessings. Have a great weekend JBR. Glad you're feeling better.

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  8. I don't like going back home sometimes. However, I can only imagine how it feels to feel the way you do.

    smooches,
    Larie

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  9. God is carrying you sweetie.

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  10. Like I said in saturday's blog, I AM PROUD OF YOU!

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  11. I don't think you should have to go to your mom's or be with her if you don't want to do so. My mother was so toxic to my life and I realized it is Ok to not be around her, but then if you are trying to let go and get whole this is a bad idea so don't listen to me.

    Keep the faith.

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  12. Your being very brave and strong. ((HUGS))

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  13. Breaking protocol is positively freeing! Well done, you. Do you feel it....the firm hand on the small of your back leading you into wholeness? It's there....
    -Jennifer

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