"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Saturday, June 05, 2010

SINKING FEELING

I just learned this morning that my brother and sister-in-law are to come down and stay with me a few days to celebrate Christmas 2009. Might as well throw Christmas 2010 in this visit, because they will not come around again until next year at this time. Whatever....

Part of my heart sank to my stomach when I heard they were coming. Not saying I knew this would not happen, but I guess when the reality of their visit is inevitable, dread set in.

BUT........

I think I am a bit better prepared emotionally and mentally this time than from when they were to originally come in April but were not able. The deep cleaning of healing that the Lord has been doing with me these past few weeks have helped tremendously.

I refuse to hide! I need face some fears head on and apply the belief system to heart that what was done to me by my brother sexually which coincides with some things I did later on in life that I feel deep shame for but am in the process of accepting what was done and what I did was not my fault and let Big JBR forgive the little one. It is not easy, but this is just the next step to my journey towards healing!

I have 13 days to prepare myself for their visit on the 17th! Will see. It is just not them, but when my mother gets involved, then all chaos lets loose and I am usually targeted for verbal abuse.

For those who do not know some of my history, please click HERE.

God has His hands in my journey. No doubt! He knew a couple of months ago, I would not have this tool of seeing how Big JBR needs to forgive Little JBR and how little JBR acts is how she survived and the shame she carries is not hers. So it does help! His timing is impeccable. Only God. :)


16 comments:

  1. I hope that the visit goes better than expected - or, if it's just as expected, that you are more able to handle it since you have begun to heal and grow.
    HUGS

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  2. Oh my goodness. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. It must be so tough to see your brother. But I am so glad that you are feeling emotionally and mentally prepared for his visit. Just know that we'll always be here to listen if you need an outlet.

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

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  3. smooth sailings,
    compassion and love will do wonders.

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  4. JBR you're in the right place at the right time for progressing. Life is just that if you're open to it. God will help you with those memories when you come face to face with them. God Bless.

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  5. I couldn't do it. You continue to amaze me with your love and forgiveness.

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  6. JBR,

    God has prepared you to deal with this time in your life and it will allow you the opportunity to apply all that you have learned to deal with them being in your home. You may perhaps be able to finally put some of this behind you and continue to move forward in your healing process. We'll be praying for you that God moves in a mighty way during their visit.

    I hope you stop by my newest blog and join as a follower. I'd love to have you!

    http://reviewsbytheheart.blogspot.com

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

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  7. Superb blog you have!Tally ho-and cheers!

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  8. I'll up my prayers for you. Last night (during the Life in the Spirit group) I remembered to lift you up for healing. Group prayer is powerful.

    You can always say "no" if you don't feel ready for their visit though I know this is difficult. Either way, I can see that you have a lot of prayer support because I usually read the comments here. May God "cover" you with His peace and love. For some reason I have a softspot for you, JBR :)

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  9. i hope you find your peace...and you hav identified a few positive things for growth...i hope all goes well with it, and you are not too stressed leading up to it...

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  10. It's not easy for any one who has not been through what you have been through to give any advice because we don't know how you feel, how deep is your pain, we cannot even imagine your suffering ... but we can send you all the loving thoughts and love and strength so that you are able to face this visit and stay calm inside of you, that's my wish for you!! hugs.

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  11. i can't tell how old this is, but if either way, "i'm
    sorry you have had such a painful past."

    will be praying that His healing and covering only
    increase.

    blessings,
    lea

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  12. Praying that healing is rolling in like the clouds with this storm and that grace will wash over you in surprising (and refreshing!) ways. Don't be afraid of the thunder; there is more than enough of God for this.
    Loads of love,
    Jennifer

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  13. God's timing is perfect, His comfort is real, His guidance can be trusted.
    I will offer up prayers for you for the lead up and for the actual visit.
    Hugs

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  14. Glad you are feeling strong JBR for this visit!

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  15. Praying you through this sweetie, love you.

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  16. This makes so much sense..so simple yet for people like us when so much trust has been broken over the years (for me time and time again but I made the wrong choices in believing lies once again). I remember years ago while working in Atlanta I would actually find myself holding my breath when a man would enter an elevator I was on. The transference from trusting our heavenly father is a process and I'm grateful He revealed this to you and you shared it with us! xxxooo

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