"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Thursday, July 08, 2010


Change is certainly not easy. Even in your struggles and your pain. You can be set in your ways. You know no other way. The emotional pain has been with you so long, it has become a part of you. Scary thought but true.

When I first seriously began my journey to healing, even though my heart's desire was to change, I knew I was in for a battle. Many times I wanted to quit. Oh did I ever!! I did not want to change because I did not want to face my past. I did not want to feel. I did not know what it was like to feel. I did not like what was drudged up. I started feeling for the first time after so many years of stuffing my emotions of pain down deep deep deep inside of me. I was just a human shell walking among the living. I became very comfortable in my misery.

Change means that I would have to feel again. Become alive! What? Are you serious? Actually feel something. Feel purpose? Something many of us have never experienced. No wonder we are afraid!

But, through my journey I have learned I do not have to stay where I am at. That I have the opportunity to be set free. To have a voice. To be real.

There is hope!

Jesus has come to redeem us. To set us free from bondage. We do not have to live the way we once were. Fear, shame, guilt, condemnation etc. can depart. We can start today by facing our fears. Yes scary scary scary! My journey still at times is scary for me. The uncertainty. I have not arrived to the other side just yet. I still experience many down and depressing days where I want to quit still!

But the more I grow closer to God, the more I am reassured that His intentions are only good. I pray this for you as well:

"For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handled down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect." 1 Peter 1:19

Change is not easy. It is a fierce battle. It can be difficult and discouraging.

Change often requires us to challenge the perspectives and rules which have sustained our family system for generations. The ‘empty way of life’ we are attempting to change was handed down from our parents and their parents before them and their parents before them. In a family committed to the ‘don’t talk’ rule, for example, saying even a simple sentence may require overcoming distracting behaviors or other avoidance behaviors which have been refined over hundreds of years!. Talking honestly to a parent or sibling may be breaking family rules that have lasted for generations.

The Good News is that we have been redeemed from the empty way of life handed down by our forefathers. Jesus redeemed us so that we can be free from this kind of bondage. We can learn to talk honestly . We can learn to experience our emotions. We can learn to trust genuinely. We can engage in life. We can love and be loved.

We live in a battle between the empty way of life passed down to us and the new life that has been provided for us. Living in solidarity with our new life in Christ is a daily struggle, but as we practice this way of life we break the vicious cycle of family dysfunction.

Lord, it isn’t just me that I am trying to change.
I am up against generations of dysfunction.
An empty way of life has dominated my family for a long time.
It has been passed down to me.
No wonder it seems so hard to change.
I need your help, Lord.
Help me to find hope in your understanding of my struggle.
Help me to find hope in your gift of redemption.

Copyright 2010 Dale and Juanita Ryan


  1. Beautiful words my friend.

  2. Sweetie this is wonderful. There is so much growth for you! I love coming here and see each new post new growth.

  3. I just wanted to say that I love your posts, so uplifting and offer such hope to others. Thank you..

  4. AnonymousJuly 08, 2010

    This is a very wise post. Change is so very difficult, even if the thing you are changing is destructive or hurtful. But I think you are doing it! You are growing, even if you have "down and depressed days." I can see it.

    Wishing you well,

  5. The great thing about the change that you are going through is that you will be a better person for it.Hugs,my friend.

  6. Yes, change is an area where fear abounds. But He is truly faithful to never forsake those who completely trust in Him. With Him, change after all, is for the best! God bless JBR!

  7. Bravo! Beautiful words from a beautiful heart. Grateful......Jennifer

  8. you are like a breath of fresh air this morning..change is scary because we dont know what it means and what will happen but many times that is the only way out...

  9. My t. asked me before we strated whether i thought what is easier to stay as I am or to change. I truly believed change is hard yet staying sick is harder. How very wrong I was.... He told me so I didnt believe it or it was beyond my imagination...

  10. JBR,

    I've learned so much about change over the last 40 something years and the one thing I can take away from it, is that the faster we learn to accept it instead of fighting it, the easier it makes the transition.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  11. Dear JBR, it never ceases to amaze me how our journeys are almost always on similar paths. I talked about this very thing with A today. I am so afraid of feeling all the emotions that I have internalized for so long that cutting is the only thing I feel equipped to do/feel. Such a road ahead of me, but with you by my side, I know we both can do it!!!!


  12. I love this post!!!! It is so true and even in all that healing and pain it sometimes bubbles up, we get to change and we get to grow and we are still just as loved...
    Thank you for the brilliant reminder.

  13. Change IS hard. I know one thing: I can't do it alone. I have to ask God to do for me what I can't do for myself, or I'll never change. My crap may be crappy. But it's familiar. Sometimes it feels easier to sit in it for a while. Thanks for another great message. Blessings to you.

  14. What a wonderful post about change. I think anyone could benefit from reading this. Thanks for sharing. And thanks for taking the risk to feel. I know it's painful, but I don't want you to be an empty shell anymore. You deserve a full, full life! *huggies*

  15. I'm not very good with change. Change forces us out of our comfort zone. But the change God offers us is the good and right change needed for our lives.
    Great post.

  16. Dear JBR, Jesus is our High Priest Who's touched with the feelings of our infirmities. We are the body of Christ. Today, God led me to your post to let me know that not only is He touched, but that there are others (real humans- that I can relate to and that can relate to me, at this level) that are touched with the feelings of my infirmities. You are one of them. I had been praying to God to lead me to some one, anyone, who can relate to my experience. For a long time, I felt that I was surrounded with people (who love me genuinely)who do not understand my pain and more importantly, my (slow and excruciating) attempt to move on- to change."Change often requires us to challenge the perspectives and rules which have sustained our family system for generations." you got it. It's not just about the recent experience, it's about the thinking (the ingrained mind set) that led to my susceptibility to that experience. You are a blessing. Thanks for praying for me loong before I read this blog. I 'm happy I'm one of those eyes that God has assigned to view your posts. God bless you. 1 Peter 5:9

  17. JBR, something about this post really moves me. There's such maturity, strength, and a quiet humility in your words. I believe too the anointing of God is on this page and I feel it. Keep up the beautiful and courageous inner work you are doing. Love and hugs to my sis in Christ!

  18. I agree. It also brings me closer to myself and others.

  19. I can relate to this post. Anything that brings me closer to God is a good thing. Keep the faith and keep on trusting God's purpose for you to share your story.

    I see major change happening to you. Stay stong. Many blessings to you.

    Peace and love,

  20. To feel alive again, along with all the feelings of joy and happiness; it seems so impossible! But I know with God all things are possible. Praying the same prayer back to you that you prayed for everyone else. Starting back to going to my t. once a week. Too much has happened in the last two weeks not to. One of my goals is to face up to my pain, my anger. Hang on, we're going for a ride! xxxooo janie