BE A KID

I need some fun in my life.

These past two weeks have been very trying for me physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Having fun is definitely one of the things I have been lacking in my life. I know I do not have enough of it. Even if it is by myself.

Not that I am this very serious person. No. I just do not think I am even worth it to having fun.

But I WANT to have fun. I want to regain back my childhood. Having fun and not caring about what others think of me. The closest I come to being a kid now-a-days is at times at work. I can be devious and play jokes on people.

Typically "fun" is my personality. I am seeing more and more of it coming out now in my personality. Brings back the memories how I was as a kid. Big JBR is letting the little one come out more and more to play. As a kid I remember finding humor in most every thing. Maybe that is why the majority of friends I had was when I was a kid. I was fun to be around. I was me.

Naturally the bad crap that happened to me as a kid, was not very humorous. I shoved that aside to try and not let it interfere with my fun. But it was hard. Life then became very painful. Shame crushed a lot of my fun. My dad shamed me big time. My mum was close behind him. Fun was hard to come by. Then eventually hard all together.

It has not been easy. Since on my journey I have gone through some painful memories and realities in order to free the walls surrounding my broken heart. The muck at times has been so thick I did not see any way out. But God sees the Big plan. It is taking time. But it will happen one day!

If you desire to have fun like I do, I suggest you just do that. Become a kid again. Take risks. Be daring.

I desire that "my fun" remain with me 24/7 and be able to call upon it at any time. Read the devotional below to inspire you:

Have some fun. Loosen up a bit. Enjoy life!

We do not have to be so somber and serious. We do not have to be so reflective, so critical, so bound up within the rigid parameters and ourselves others, and often ourselves, have placed around us.

This is life, not a funeral service. Have some fun with it. Enter into it. Participate. Experiment. Take a risk. Be spontaneous. Do not always be so concerned about doing it right, doing the appropriate thing.

Do not always be so concerned about what others will think or say. What they think and say are their issues not ours. Do not be so afraid of making a mistake. Do not be so fearful and proper. Do not inhibit yourself so much.

God did not intend us to be so inhibited, so restricted, so controlled. These repressive parameters are what other people have imposed on us, what we have allowed to be done to us.

We were created fully human. We were given emotions, desires, hopes, dreams, and feelings. There is an alive, excited, fun loving child in us somewhere! Let it come out! Let it come alive! Let it have some fun - not just for two hours on Saturday evening. Bring it with us. Let it help us enjoy this gift of being alive, being fully human, and being who we are!

So many rules. So much shame we've lived with. It simply isn't necessary. We have been brainwashed. It is time now to free ourselves, let ourselves go, and enter fully human into a full life.

Don't worry. We will learn our lessons when necessary. We have learned discipline. We will not go awry. What will happen is that we will begin enjoying life. We will begin enjoying and experiencing our whole self. We can trust ourselves. We have boundaries now. We have our program for a foundation. We can afford to experiment and experience. We are in touch with our Higher Power and ourselves. We are being guided, but a frozen, inanimate object cannot be guided. it cannot even be moved.

Have some fun. Loosen up a bit. Break a few rules. God won't punish us. We do not have to allow people to punish us. And we can stop punishing ourselves. As long as we're here and alive, let's begin to live.

Today, I will let myself have some fun with life. I will loosen up a bit, knowing I won't crack and break. God, help me let go of my need to be so inhibited, proper, and repressed. Help me inject a big dose of life into myself by letting myself be fully alive and human.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.