I HUNG UP ON MY MUM THIS MORNING

As I stated in a post Stuck to My Guns a week ago that my church was going to one service and my mother was trying every which way in trying to get me to sit with her or at least come by. I told her a week ago that I was not going to do that and I was not making any promises.

OMG!!

When I spoke with her this morning it was like the world had ended! She had nothing but wrath for me. She shot all her guilty arrows into me!

She blamed me for her sleepless night.

She blamed me for her not feeling well this morning.

She blamed me because "SHE" promised the people that sit with her at church that I would be around.

And she was so embarrassed that I did not come. "She could have ate her words" as she said. She said, "how could I do this to her?" What kind of daughter am I. She demanded where I was sitting in church and with who. (I was getting angry by this time but kept my cool)

Mind you this is first thing in the morning. Crap!! I have to get ready for work and function after being mowed down verbally.

She said this upset her yesterday. All about her. Never thinking how she upsets me. But, I feel I made some ground. It is not the end though.

She is hoping that I would break down, feel guilty like in the past and call her to apologize. Well, I have not done that the other few times we had it out. So she should be used to it. It is not going to happen here. Because I really have nothing to apologize for.

I told her that she was NOT going to make me feel guilty. I told her last week not to make promises to anyone that I would be there. She said that I have no consideration. She asked me, "don't I feel guilty for what I did?" "Shame on me." How dare I! How could I do this to my mother? All I said fell on deaf ears. She did not want to hear it.

I told her then if the conversation is going to continue like this, I am going to hang up. She went on and on. I then said "mum goodbye have a good day and I love you" and hung up.

Ohhhhh I did not want to do that. But, I knew I had to!

I knew I would come against some resistance, but not this bad! I can just imagine what I went through growing up. No wonder I crumbled and died inside.

Now some of you may disagree with how I handled this and that is okay.

After I hung up I prayed to God for Him to comfort her heart, heal her own pain, etc.

I am upset. Will be honest. I do feel guilt. Pretty sure it is the wrong kind though. It is amazing how the enemy then floods your thoughts with guilt trips. Bringing to mind all the things "mummie did for you." Oh I hate this!!!!

Will have to process through. Hated doing this. But, I know this was for not only my good but hers. Although I do not think she realizes this. But I will be a stronger person in the end.

Again for those who are new to my blog, my mother and I have been severely enmeshed from my birth. My mum guilt-manipulated me my life. She has controlled my life more or less and now that I am breaking away and being healed in this area, she is angry and panicking.