"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Monday, August 23, 2010


As I stated in a post Stuck to My Guns a week ago that my church was going to one service and my mother was trying every which way in trying to get me to sit with her or at least come by. I told her a week ago that I was not going to do that and I was not making any promises.


When I spoke with her this morning it was like the world had ended! She had nothing but wrath for me. She shot all her guilty arrows into me!

She blamed me for her sleepless night.

She blamed me for her not feeling well this morning.

She blamed me because "SHE" promised the people that sit with her at church that I would be around.

And she was so embarrassed that I did not come. "She could have ate her words" as she said. She said, "how could I do this to her?" What kind of daughter am I. She demanded where I was sitting in church and with who. (I was getting angry by this time but kept my cool)

Mind you this is first thing in the morning. Crap!! I have to get ready for work and function after being mowed down verbally.

She said this upset her yesterday. All about her. Never thinking how she upsets me. But, I feel I made some ground. It is not the end though.

She is hoping that I would break down, feel guilty like in the past and call her to apologize. Well, I have not done that the other few times we had it out. So she should be used to it. It is not going to happen here. Because I really have nothing to apologize for.

I told her that she was NOT going to make me feel guilty. I told her last week not to make promises to anyone that I would be there. She said that I have no consideration. She asked me, "don't I feel guilty for what I did?" "Shame on me." How dare I! How could I do this to my mother? All I said fell on deaf ears. She did not want to hear it.

I told her then if the conversation is going to continue like this, I am going to hang up. She went on and on. I then said "mum goodbye have a good day and I love you" and hung up.

Ohhhhh I did not want to do that. But, I knew I had to!

I knew I would come against some resistance, but not this bad! I can just imagine what I went through growing up. No wonder I crumbled and died inside.

Now some of you may disagree with how I handled this and that is okay.

After I hung up I prayed to God for Him to comfort her heart, heal her own pain, etc.

I am upset. Will be honest. I do feel guilt. Pretty sure it is the wrong kind though. It is amazing how the enemy then floods your thoughts with guilt trips. Bringing to mind all the things "mummie did for you." Oh I hate this!!!!

Will have to process through. Hated doing this. But, I know this was for not only my good but hers. Although I do not think she realizes this. But I will be a stronger person in the end.

Again for those who are new to my blog, my mother and I have been severely enmeshed from my birth. My mum guilt-manipulated me my life. She has controlled my life more or less and now that I am breaking away and being healed in this area, she is angry and panicking.


  1. JBR I'm proud of you. I know this wasn't easy for you. You set a big boundary today. Try and see this as a big stepping stone towards your freedom. Guilt is a nasty leverage to use on anyone. I'm sorry your mother chooses this to get love out of you. God Bless.

  2. JBR,

    I also am proud of you. I took so much courage, strength and a sense of yourself to do this. Guilt is usually the last resort. I'm glad that you set a personal boundary with this. I can also relate very much. Praying for abundant blessing of love for your next few days.



  3. Good Morning JBR,
    I know how tough this is. You did great. God is making you so strong. Way to go for setting the boundary!

    I pray that you help JBR today and send her the peace that passes understanding. I pray that you continue to give her the strength to speak the truth with love. I pray that you would use this to help her Mum turn to you also and be healed.


  4. stuck-in-the-middleAugust 23, 2010

    JBR well done. Such growth for you. Hang in there.

  5. I know that this was so hard for you to do and that it troubles your heart...but it is a right and healthy thing to do. You have to end the madness. May the Lord bless and keep you and may He make His wonderful healing light to shine upon you.

    Always forward!

  6. Sweetie sweetie I agree totally what the others say here. You did good. Probably something coming for a long time. Each battle you win you defeat the enemy more and more. Proud of you sweetie.

  7. You did the right thing.

  8. Guilt is what people who manipulate others want you to feel. A mother should be glad she raised a child who WANTS to go to church rather than try to make her sit (at your age) under her thumb. I think to myself, what was she going to do, give you cheerios if you were a good girl and quiet, like a three year old? Good job JBR. I probably would have hung up before you did!

  9. Well done, you.
    And you can totally trust the Lord
    to comfort her and sort this out
    as only He can.
    You're free to go about your day with peace
    and joy.
    You loved her well.

  10. I couldnt of've done it any better. Don';t let the guilt ride you. It will kill you.

  11. Fantastic. I know its hard because that's all you are use to. IN time things will be better. You have set an example for many of us to follow. Thanks

  12. that is so wonderful. JBR, so very well done! You stood your ground. Surely she doesnt hear you. She isnt used to it and a few times is NOTHING compared years before. If she ever get it, I dont know. This journey is about YOU: Like she isnt used to the new way, your guilt isnt used to it either. It takes some exercise and determination to keep trying to overcome guilt and shame! For me you have done GREAT. You can be proud of you. Mill of hugs to you. SO very glad that you stood your ground. And very well executed. WOW

  13. Yes do believe you did what you have to....with Mom. Hope it gets better

  14. Wow, good for you! It must have been so difficult hanging up on her, but you asserted your boundaries beautifully! You should be proud. I am.

    Wishing you well,

  15. OMG, JBR! I can hardly believe how EXACTLY much this sounds like my own mother. I think you handled this incredibly well. When it's all about her, it is so difficult to even think straight and maintain your sanity, you know?


    The only thing I might add is that the next time she says something like "don't you feel guilty and aren't you ashamed?" I would try to say, "No! As a matter of fact, I don't. For once in my life around you, I'm starting to feel HEALTHY!"

    Safe hugs, sweetheart. ((((((((((JBR)))))))))))

  16. i know it was not easy...the phone is a terrible place for confrontation or trying to gain any resolution...no i think you may have done the right thing...

  17. Praise God for giving you the strength to speak up. I am praying for you.

  18. guilt trips from a loved one is probably one of the most difficult things to learn to deal with. I'm so glad you aren't crumbling under the pressure anymore. Yep, it's still hard and I believe it will always be hard (sorry), but God will continue to give you strength and He will continue to work with your mother as well.

  19. I had to make a similar decision like this about my maternal grandmother a few weeks ago because she told me that I was an embarassment to her just because I am not living in fear of her just as many other family members are. She does the guilt thing as well.

    I feel ya!


  20. this is an amazing post i could not of written it any plainer what you've shared has been my life had other sisters to in my family who got the same treatment from our parents mainly our mother with guilt trips this post is an encouagement and what you have shared certainly helps and confirms that i'm not the only one that what i was told about myself being a looney is not truth you shared truth here today deborah

  21. Hurray for you. Sounds like you took care of yourself and did it in as kind a way as you could and she would allow.

    Keep up the good work gal.


  22. Good for you. Be strong

    You certainly can't let her hurt you.
    No child deserves this kind a treatment from their mother.

  23. You did good, girl....

  24. JBR,

    After looking back on your previous posts I have come to realize that the enemy is working through your mom to find ways to bringing down and wearing you thin. Praying for protection for you and guarding your heart and minds from his poison words. Praying for God to show you insight and wisdom into what is really going on.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  25. JBR,
    Thinking and praying for you. Sending you a big hug.


  26. Parents can be a handful. Your mom is making you responsible for her happiness in a very toxic way. Good for you to stand up to an emotional bully.

  27. Trials never go away..but we can cling to the rock that is higher than us and He is always there so we don't slip..Looks like you have a lot of support and love here on blogger..Blessings!