I am really having a hard time now.
Struggling in the area of feeling worthy enough to be considered a friend. (Topic of t. session)
It hurts. Discouraging many times.
Just saying the word "friend" is difficult for me. My minds definition of a friend is a bit screwy.
Sure you can be a friend to me. That is no problem. Much easier. I can accept you as you are. But, it is still extremely difficult for me to accept myself as I am. That I even have something of value to offer. Still dealing with a lot of shame and unworthiness.
Shame is a tough hurdle to jump over.
Daddy in these next few days, months or even years, help me to learn and to believe that I am worthy enough to be someone's friend. And not shudder every time I hear the word. But, to truly accept the truth in my heart that I do have a purpose. I have something to offer. That I am worthy:
"When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick." Matthew 14:14
It is foundational to our healing for someone to see us with compassion. We do not see ourselves with compassion. Instead, we often see ourselves through harsh, condemning eyes. We have come to reject and shame ourselves for our need. In order to learn to heal from the inside out we need someone to see us differently than we see ourselves. We need someone to see us as we are and to respond to us with emotional warmth and genuine concern.
Jesus saw. And had compassion. And he healed. All three experiences are helpful in recovery.
God sees us. He sees that we struggle, that we need help, that we hurt. Our brokenness is not a surprise or a disappointment to God.
God has compassion on us. God feels with us. God is emotionally responsive to us. It matters to God that we are in need. It impacts God.
God heals. Having seen us and had compassion for us, God responds. God touches our wounds. God mends our broken hearts. God strengthens our weary spirits.
For those of us who have felt invisible, who have experienced shame and rejection and abuse, it is a wonderful thing to find someone who sees, has compassion and seeks to heal!
Lord, thank you that you see me.
You see my pain.
Thank you that it matters to you that I struggle and hurt.
Thank you that it is in the context of personal attention and compassion
that you heal me.
I await your healing touch today.
Amen
Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
