"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, October 03, 2010


These past few days I have been depressed. I have been sad most my life. Something I just live with as it is part of me. But, on those days, weeks and even months when I am triggered I can become depressed more than usual.

I know what triggered this episode. Since my last post I talked about if I am worthy enough to have friends. This is hard for me right now. I really did not want to post about it. I have yet to look at any of your comments on this particular post. In time.

But then I went an created a Facebook account the other day. Not a big deal I thought. Mainly to see who it out there.

Then my curiosity got the best of me and I went really hard digging in my brain for past "so called friends" even "childhood friends." Well, you can guess. I found some on Facebook. Bad move. But, I had enough sense just to add them as friends and not correspond. I just cannot pursue them. I am hurting too much with this trigger. This whole thing had an adverse effect on me.


  1. Dear one. I hurt with and for you. I pray that the Lord hold you close to Him. You are worthy. The Lord has placed you in people's lives and people in your life, so that you might touch one another's lives. I know that you've touched my life. You are in my prayers. Peace and blessings.

  2. no sweat JBR...you really should go back and read those comments though as many seemed therapeutic to me...

  3. (((JBR)))

    Lord, I pray that you help little JBR as she walks through this painful time. I pray that you would heal this wound. I praise you that you are the God who Heals our deepest pain. Please touch her now and wrap your healing hands around her tonight. Please send your ministering angels to protect her and guard her while she sleeps.

    In Jesus Name,

  4. depression =anger turned inward
    so what anger is this bringing up that your holding in?
    Food for the thought and the empowerment to be angry and sin not.

  5. I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time, JBR. I am keeping you in my prayers. May God bring peace to your mind and heart.

  6. I'm sorry, JBR. Friendship is my touchy area too. As soon as anyone brings up my lack of friends I immediately break down in tears. Stay strong, JBR.

    Wishing you well,

  7. I found an exboyfriend through FB as well and it was a struggle. I was lucky though that I managed to give him back some of the stuff that I'd carried with me for years.

    If you want a positive FB experience then add me. ;)

  8. JBR: some people have TONS of friends and are very very social, but really only have a few close friends. some people are like me and just have a few very close friends. The thing being that most of us really only have a few very close friends, no matter how many acquaintances.

    It takes a long time for someone to really be more than an acquaintance for me. Don't jump into the friend bandwagon thinking number of friends is the important part. Quality of friends is the important part in my book!

  9. I feel you. Trust me. I really really do. Read the comments, dear girl. You have friends in us, just like we do in you. Remember to feel deserving of having friends. It is the only way to affirm your love for you. You are your own best friend. No matter who you are, the least you deserve is your love. Sending you prayers.

  10. Friends is a very touchy topic. It is ok to stay away form so called friends. it is ok to search and not accept a a friends request! it is ok too to delete them again when not feeling good about it. And the apparent adverse effect shows you that you tried something which is good - reaching out and looking for new acqauintances and partly not so good, as in "friends" from the past. You were curious to see who is out there nd felt not all is doing you good. That is fab. Your soul taught you that the move was right, the friends however not. Befriending myself has helped a lot. Anything else will grow slowly over time! Love to you

  11. friendship is something that has wounded me too. But I know this, when I am ready to again shar my life with a close friend, it will be the right friend and not just anyone for the sake of not wanting to be lonely. It will be someone that respects me and wants to be with me and make a mutual effort to see me. Of this I am sure, because I will not settle for less :)

    The right friend is worth the wait. Even if the wait is lonely. You are worth the wait to give yourself a friendship that you deserve and are ready for :)

  12. JBR a new discovery. It's time to tackle your fears for this time. Your heart led you in the right direction but then put up a red flad. I'm proud of you. You sensed danger ahead and instead of additionally becoming hurt, you were able to stop. At these times many time we've have not a clue what God is doing. Just remember he's doing something and loves you. God Bless.

  13. JBR, maybe the thing that you call a 'deeper' depression is a good sign ... maybe it's because you are actually healing that the depression times feel harder ... kind of you can compare to the days when you feel now as before, if I understand well, you did feel 'bad' all the time ... as for Facebook I'm absolutely not a good person to judge as we all are different but I personally do not like it, I think one can get hunderts of so called 'friends' but are these people really truly friends? ... but this is just me, so please, take that in account ... but I personally rather go with few and 'quality' then with the quantity ... :-) hold on, depression will pass, I do believe you are on the right path JBR! big hugs!! blessings.

  14. I can really relate to what you are saying here - with both the sadness and friends. It is hard. I am thinking of you.

  15. JBR, I don't think FB is a good measure to evaluate friendship. I know a lot of people, but most of them are acquantances. I would rather have one true friend than a lot of acquantances.

    You have all of us for friends and we love and adore you. Your journey has helped me so much and I admire your courage to be real.

    Love you and stay strong.

  16. Maybe you just wanted to belong, to feel that you are surrounded by 'friends'. So you force yourself into their company, yet you are not too happy with that move, because deep down it's not what you really wanted. OK just trying to figure, becos I was talking to another friend, who seem to be experiencing the same thing, and this was her conclusion for her actions and reactions. Bless you dear.

  17. Restore, Lord.
    Restore JBR's deepest dreams....delivered into her open arms with a side of happy surprises.
    Do what only you can do, Father.
    Put it all right
    and heal
    and create something beautiful for my friend.
    Love you, JBR.

  18. ((((JBR)))) I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I believe you are a strong person through Jesus.

  19. Oh I understand about avoiding or peeping at comments to certain blog posts. Praying that the Father would give you new experience in the area of friendship

  20. everything takes time and some things may never change completely...be kind to yourself, be gentle, and know that Christ has his arms wrapped around you.

  21. Do not be afraid. Praying for your courage.


  23. You are loved by many, an inspiration to more & still have so much living and loving to do. Hugs to you. tammy

  24. Hang on JBR... it is HIM, your ROCK that you are hanging on to, not yourself, your past of what you are feeling, but GOD Almighty, creator of JBR...

    Hugs sweet friend,


  25. I'm sending you a big{{{HUG}}} I think that true friendship is a rare and special thing, and we are lucky to have even one or two good friends that we can trust and care for. You are a special, and compassionate person. I'm sorry that you are feeling depressed. I will keep you in my thoughts, and hope that you can find some peace.

  26. dear JBR,

    i find your transparency so moving and must
    confess i feel a bit like you but for a different
    reason. enough 'blue', though, to be able to i
    magine how terrible you feel.

    may the One who loves you more than you
    can ever know teach you about His friendship
    and bring you another dear friend who will
    love you like a sister.

  27. Julie BarnesOctober 06, 2010

    May god's peace transcend all your pain. Hugs Julie

  28. Oh, pooey! I'm so sorry that happened, JBR. I think that's one of the reasons I haven't joined Facebook myself. Well, technically, I did join, but it's only to monitor my son's activity. I have not intentions of actually being active there.

    I can so understand how this kind of thing could happen and feel awful. I'm sending you big, warm, safe hugs (((((((((((((JBR))))))))))))

  29. Sweetie haven't been here in a while. Going tover some of your past post. So very sorry for your struggles. I'm here supporting you along with your other readers. You are worth it!

  30. JBR I miss you not posting Hope you're doing all right. Don't lose hope. God is stronger than what you're going through now. He understands. Hang on tightly to his word and his love. He's there for you. He sees your pain. God Bless.