EMOTIONS NEED RECOGNITION

In t. yesterday, with God's guidance, I believe we found the answer as to why I get so angry and annoyed at the co-worker who I cannot stand to be around. (see post below)

She is displaying "blatantly" just who she is. She is showing that she is very needy, has wants, desires in getting attention any way she can by being loud, controlling, obnoxious, just to name a few. Regardless, she is being real in her own neediness.

But why does this bother me so much???

Because I was NOT allowed to be myself having little girl needs growing up. I learned early on that crying was not permitted when I got hurt. I was told not to cry. To stop! I feared I did something wrong. How dare I.

I thought about it later on. . . . I cannot recall crying by myself even as a little girl, alone. I remember just turning inward my pain and creating a fantasy world in my mind to survive. Probably why I have difficulty crying in front of anyone now-a-days. Talking back or having an opinion was not permitted. I was ignored as well. Especially from my father. So I learned quickly to stuff my "pain." Not to appear needy. Not to ask for help.

So, that is why I resent the fact and get so upset with this woman at work who can "freely" display her attempts to feed her pain. Something I was not allowed to do. I missed out on expressing my emotions as a child.

She does have boundary issues as well. Something I struggle with setting up gracefully at times. But I am getting there. So, this is part of my growing as I heal in dealing with her. When I do interact with her and she jumps verbally on me, I need to set a boundary... step back and excuse myself from her presence.

THIS WILL TAKE TIME!

The devotional is powerful as well. Please take time to read it:

Emotions need recognition. But not only attention; they also need acceptance as powerful dimensions of who we are. Their influence over who we are capable of becoming is mighty.

Respectful attention and willing acceptance of our emotions, whether fear or anger or hateful jealousy, takes away their sting. We can prevent them from growing larger than they are. Like a child who screams and misbehaves more and more fiercely until attention is won, our emotions grow larger and more intense the longer we deny their existence.

Our emotions bless us, in reality. They enrich our experiences. They serve as guideposts on the road we're traveling. How we "feel" at any single moment flags the level of our security, how close we are to our higher power, the level of our commitment to the program. They serve us well when acknowledged. On the other hand, when ignored or denied, they can immobilize us, even defeat us.

My feelings frequent my being, always. They steer my behavior. They reflect my attitudes. They hint at my closeness to God.

Hazelden Foundation