"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Sunday, December 05, 2010

EMOTIONS NEED RECOGNITION


In t. yesterday, with God's guidance, I believe we found the answer as to why I get so angry and annoyed at the co-worker who I cannot stand to be around. (see post below)

She is displaying "blatantly" just who she is. She is showing that she is very needy, has wants, desires in getting attention any way she can by being loud, controlling, obnoxious, just to name a few. Regardless, she is being real in her own neediness.

But why does this bother me so much???

Because I was NOT allowed to be myself having little girl needs growing up. I learned early on that crying was not permitted when I got hurt. I was told not to cry. To stop! I feared I did something wrong. How dare I.

I thought about it later on. . . . I cannot recall crying by myself even as a little girl, alone. I remember just turning inward my pain and creating a fantasy world in my mind to survive. Probably why I have difficulty crying in front of anyone now-a-days. Talking back or having an opinion was not permitted. I was ignored as well. Especially from my father. So I learned quickly to stuff my "pain." Not to appear needy. Not to ask for help.

So, that is why I resent the fact and get so upset with this woman at work who can "freely" display her attempts to feed her pain. Something I was not allowed to do. I missed out on expressing my emotions as a child.

She does have boundary issues as well. Something I struggle with setting up gracefully at times. But I am getting there. So, this is part of my growing as I heal in dealing with her. When I do interact with her and she jumps verbally on me, I need to set a boundary... step back and excuse myself from her presence.

THIS WILL TAKE TIME!

The devotional is powerful as well. Please take time to read it:


Emotions need recognition. But not only attention; they also need acceptance as powerful dimensions of who we are. Their influence over who we are capable of becoming is mighty.

Respectful attention and willing acceptance of our emotions, whether fear or anger or hateful jealousy, takes away their sting. We can prevent them from growing larger than they are. Like a child who screams and misbehaves more and more fiercely until attention is won, our emotions grow larger and more intense the longer we deny their existence.

Our emotions bless us, in reality. They enrich our experiences. They serve as guideposts on the road we're traveling. How we "feel" at any single moment flags the level of our security, how close we are to our higher power, the level of our commitment to the program. They serve us well when acknowledged. On the other hand, when ignored or denied, they can immobilize us, even defeat us.

My feelings frequent my being, always. They steer my behavior. They reflect my attitudes. They hint at my closeness to God.

Hazelden Foundation

16 comments:

  1. I had never looked at my emotion like a child. I do know stuffing emotions is very much what I learned as a child. You were not allowed to cry of feel hurt. Famous line "If you don't stop that, Ill give you something to cry about!" God want us to be real with Him and set boundaries with others, JBR I think you are doing an excellent job. We are learning what we should have been able to learn as a child.

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  2. I am just amazed at how quickly you came to an understanding of why you feel as you do toward your coworker. This tells me that you have a deeply honest and seeking spirit.
    I don't know why certain people are so difficult to deal with or why it is that we sometimes have a resistance to someone (that seems to be without reason) but I think you are right in setting boundaries...I really pray it all goes well for you in the future with this woman.
    Love Colleen

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  3. My child was extremely similar to yours..and now in a marriage, that reflects the same as my childhood. A husband who does not deal with his emotions in a healthy manner, nor desires to discuss the emotions that he is dealing with in a healthy manner, and here I am..once again, this little girl...KNOWING what is happening is NOT healthy, desiring to TO BE healthy, ...so like your co worker that your dealing with, I'm dealing with a husband. I'm learning to stop shoving the pain down with addictions. Stop bottling them up. I too don't like to break down in front of people. If I cry, most of the time it's because of joy in the Lord in front of people, but for pain, I keep to myself...

    "When I do interact with her and she jumps verbally on me, I need to set a boundary... step back and excuse myself from her presence. "

    Just change the her to he and these are my words.

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  4. this is good insights...and helpful in moving forward...

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  5. JBR what growth I see in you.  You're always an encouragement to me and I'm sure to others here.  God is going to use your testimony experiences big time to help the hurting.  God Bless.

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  6. This is very insightful, JBR. Thanks for sharing it :)

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  7. I hope in a way, she ends up learning something from you...Have a great weekend! Thanks for the encouragement JBR! God bless.

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  8. This is good. Denying our feelings, stuffing them, pretending we don't feel a certain way never makes them go away. Sometimes they may not be truth, but unless we ask the why behind the feelings we may never find the truth.

    Thanks for sharing your journey, it helps other so very much.

    Grace and peace

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  9. It's understandable that you would be afraid to express your needs/vulnerability when you've been taught that you are not to need anything and you are not to be vulnerable. But it's good that you're working on this issue in therapy. Getting your needs met is probably the second most important thing in the world (after survival).

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

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  10. I can understand what you mean. I find that I get annoyed with people like that too, but I am not sure if it because of things that I have been through in the past or just because honestly, that sort of behavior really can be annoying. Nevertheless, if God is calling to you into fellowship with her... there could be a reason. You never know. I don't feel as though I am allowed to have emotions a lot of the times either. It really is quite difficult to carry it all around. I see a therapist now and so far that seems like it may help. Be encouraged my friend. I often question why we have to bear such pain. I mean, children are innocent, but you just have to trust God to get you through it. :o) Stay strong and I will keep you in prayer! :o)

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  11. WooHoo, hoping you are able to move forward with your forward co-worker. We all look at the world through our own filters, wonder what hers look like!

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  12. I tend to go real quiet when i'm upset,too.Which usually annoys the people around me.Not that I wasn't allowed to show my feelings,as I'm truly pained to know you were when you were a child.But because I always felt I needed to be the strong one.

    To be able to control one's emotions is not always good.It thus lead to uncontrollable anger at the end.Balance I guess is the key,though it is easily said than done.Knowing our emotions really do help us be better persons.

    Thanks for sharing ,JBR!I wish you strength enough to succeed in your battle to face your emotions.One day at a time.

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  13. "Because I was NOT allowed to be myself having little girl needs growing up. I learned early on that crying was not permitted when I got hurt. I was told not to cry. To stop! I feared I did something wrong. How dare I.

    I thought about it later on. . . . I cannot recall crying by myself even as a little girl, alone. I remember just turning inward my pain and creating a fantasy world in my mind to survive. Probably why I have difficulty crying in front of anyone now-a-days. Talking back or having an opinion was not permitted. I was ignored as well. Especially from my father. So I learned quickly to stuff my "pain." Not to appear needy. Not to ask for help."

    Just Be Real - I want you to know that was my world growing up too and I know how it feels when others get to do when you can't.

    Sandie

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  14. JBR, I have missed reading you. I am so glad I did today. You always UNFAILINGLY speak to my heart. Sincerely thanking you for being part of my world. Tight hugs. :) :)

    p.s. yayy for healing and understanding!

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  15. Thanks for this
    ...badly needed and
    much appreciated.
    Bravo to you for this discovery
    and for being brave enough
    to acknowledge it.
    -Jennifer

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  16. That is an awesome devotional, thank you so much for sharing. I always learn amazing things when I drop by your blog, JBR. Thank you for being you and sharing with us! Blessings & Love to you!

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