"Some of us may have made a decision that no one was ever going to hurt us again. We may automatically go on "feelings freeze mode" when faced with emotional pain. Or, we may terminate a relationship the first time we feel hurt. Hurt feelings are a part of life, relationships, and recovery. It is understandable that we don't want to feel any more pain. Many of us have had more than our share, in fact, at some time in our life, we may have been overwhelmed, crushed, or stopped in our tracks by the amount of pain we felt. We may not have had the resources to cope with our pain or take care of ourselves." Hazelton Foundation
You know in reading the above devotional excerpt this morning, something really struck me for the very first time. I had to re-read the paragraph a couple of times to make sure I was feeling what I was reading. Really look into its meaning. For me it may mean something different than to you.
The opening sentence especially referring to that "no one was ever going to hurt me again." I have heard people say it about themselves. I have even said it many times. But, for the first time, it dawned on me that when I saw this phrase now, I can only put this together with my sexual abuse when it comes to the Feelings Freeze Mode.
For the most part on my journey I have been facing the majority of my issues in t. and working through them.
Sure I shut down my emotions for other painful reasons as a child. But, have been slowly healing daily.
Though, in the freeze mode I still shut down the emotional pain and sheer panic of intimacy by running away. Figuratively and in reality. I am so afraid of being hurt emotionally and physically, not being able to relate, etc. Facing this pain, the shame and its fears are particularly hard for me!
At times this is very hard for me too JBR!!!
ReplyDeleteGod's Blessings to you JBR!!!
Lon
Hard for me too JBR! From all those hurtful relationships with families/friends, I slowly barricaded myself behind walls and trust issue was hard. But His faithful love penetrates those walls no matter how thick! And He's slowly guiding me to come out and let Him show the way...Towards freedom. Thanks be to God! Take care and have a great week ahead. Would be interesting if you can discern something about the word "BOAST"...Hmmmm... :)
ReplyDeletewhen one has really been hurt, it is terrifying to
ReplyDeletecontemplate letting that happen again.
you are the only who knows when you will be
ready to risk pain again.
one day at a time.
love,
lea
I learned to do this a very long time ago as a survival method. The very thing that saved my life through my growing up years and early adulthood eventually became the very thing that tore it apart. Growing up many of were taught not to feel...and that feelings are bad. Unlearning these kinds of things is scarey because when we start giving ourselves permission to feel, it can feel pretty overwhelming when we "feel". For years I used humor to avoid feeling hurt...I ran from it...I sabotaged relationships in order to prevent myself getting hurt in the end...what a vicious cycle this can be. After being numb to my feelings for so many years, it has been a difficult journey of waking up and feeling what I feel without running. It was a habit for so long to just shut down automatically without even thinking that even today I still have to force myself to face my feelings and not numb out.
ReplyDeleteBless you on this journey...you are not alone on this. ((((JBR))))
i think a lot of people 'freeze' without knowing it. quite a natural reaction. being uncomfortable is never pleasant, thus... 'freeze' the emotions, run, hide, avoid the discomfort, pretend it isn't there. it's being aware of doing it that's important, and slowly letting the feelings through. until the discomfort leaves. that, we need to learn...
ReplyDeleteYou have the courage to face your feelings JBR and reading your blog and understanding a bit of what you have had to endure, I can only begin to imagine just how much courage and strength that takes!
ReplyDeleteHugs, love Colleen
i hear you...this one strikes me at the right time...i do this at times...
ReplyDeleteI do this, too. Praise God for not giving up on me. As the old saying goes...I'm a work in progress. You are not alone!
ReplyDeleteThank God you've got
ReplyDeletea wonderful shepherd
who is leading you
through.
Don't try and bit off
more than he gives you.
His pace is perfect
for you.
Love and hugs,
Jennifer
My pain is a different kind of pain, but it is pain. I know I do not want to be hurt again. The pain I felt and still feel when my wife died, is something I never want to experience again. Yet, I know I must trust God and keep moving forward. God bless you and thank you for writing your post.
ReplyDeleteYou face your past, your fears and your current limitations and to heal and grow. I am with you on your journey by now 2 years! You have grown so very much. Sure there is so much more to do yet it is a pleasure feeling you healing. Love to you
ReplyDeleteI feel you, JBR. God will find a way. In fact, He is working on it, I'm sure! :) HUGS!
ReplyDelete