"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Wednesday, March 02, 2011


A great truth in anguish, if I would only apply it and believe in my heart is the following: "If only we could remember, when the anguish is present, that it is making our Spirits whole. That it, along with laughter, is a healer of the soul."

Seems like these past couple of days with restless sleep I have been dealing with such anguish for change. How I have become so tired of my dependence on man's approval and what it produces in me.

Each day it is such a challenge once I step outside of my home. The intensity to want to please man has never been so greater. What I shared in my past posts is that I desire this intensity to reverse 100% and be focused only in pleasing God.

Maybe I am asking too much???

It is a emotionally painful battle big time right now for me. As once I step inside my work place, the battle of anguish is on. Right now I am still not succeeding and succumbing to man's way. I still find myself drawn to the wrong kind of attention and excitement. Knowing at the same time I have an opportunity to just turn a deaf ear or walk away. But I do not. My past of the lack of attention, especially from my father, continues to get in the way.

So, I find myself seeking out a safe place at work and have a good cry. I become so disappointed. I want to change so badly. The laughter and joy that is explained below, I crave.

But, now at least I am more conscience of the stronghold, where before I was so enmeshed I saw no other way.

Anguish is undoubtedly more familiar to us than is the beauty of laughter. We feel anguish over our failings; we feel anguish over our losses; we feel anguish over the attempts to succeed that beckon to us.

Anguish comes of fear. And we so hope to avoid it. However, it seasons us as women; it enriches us even while it momentarily diminishes us. It is a major contributor to the sum and substance of our lives. The anguish we experience prepares us to help others experience their own particular anguish.

Our laughter, too, must be savored and shared. And laughter builds more laughter. Laughter lends a perspective on our anguish. Life is made richer, fuller, by the ebb and flow, the laughter and the anguish in concert.

If only we could remember, when the anguish is present, that it is making our Spirits whole. That it, along with laughter, is a healer of the soul. That it lifts our load at the same time that it burdens us. That it prepares us to better receive life's other gifts.

I can help someone else face anguish. It brings us together. It softens me. And it makes way for the laughter soon to come.

Hazelden Foundation


  1. Keep asking God for his favor. He will not let you down. Pray before you enter work, during work and as often as you need to in order to let go of this. God is walking with you on this journey and He knows your pain. He will teach you the way.

    Hugs to you. Keep your spirit strong.
    Blessings and love to you.

  2. Sweet JBR you'll get there. I see your heart felt desire to want to please the Lord. He's taking you on a path right now that seems difficult. Only to be joyous in the end. Hang in there.

  3. I'm keeping u in my thoughts girl.

  4. I love how REAL you are! I think in many ways, we all share those same battles. But greater is HE...

  5. Sorry for the anguish. Yes we share these feelings to a degree?

  6. JBR the anguish you feel is only a healing process. You're doing great and I commend you for fighting for your freedom! God Bless.

  7. It will come, dear JBR. God is showing us so many things in our journey here on earth. If he always instantly healed us we wouldn't learn very much and would fall back into the same patterns over and over again. It's tough to bear trials such as these with patience - I still have difficulty despite knowing how much good God is doing in my soul. I usually get frustrated :)
    May our sweet Lord Jesus fill you with his own strength, JBR!

  8. JBR God is working on and with you. You will get there. I know anguish is no fun, but part of the healing process.

  9. Praying you will have that heartfelt laughter like the baby in the video in His perfect time! So innocent! So full of joy! By His grace. Take care JBR!

  10. God knows you are trying. As difficult as it may seem to you, God is pleased that you continue on your path to Him.