and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23
My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.
Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.
Daddy let me be secure in You only!
There are times still when I am struggling emotionally I sometimes reflect back to a period in the mid 1960's where I would be on a swing alone at one of my friends house. I can even recall pretty vividly that particular day. It was a fall like day, I was wearing shorts, had short hair, the trees surrounding me and what direction I was facing on the swing.
When I am struggling emotionally, I will call up that day in my mind and tell little JBR "you can wake up now." Meaning I never left that point and time. I am back there. I just drifted into the future.
I cherished that day and time as a peaceful and safe place that I did not want to leave. When I was actually there on that day, I remember even thinking, as young child of seven or eight, this would be a place in my mind I could always come back to and feel safe. Something like that.
Now it gets harder to explain......but I will try....
But there was a "BUT." A big "BUT."
At this safe place when I would bring up this memory of being actually back there as a child, I would recall as a child and have the opportunity to advance 40 years into the future. Confused yet? Taking one painful year at a time. Seeing how my life became. I went off to this place many times as a child and early teens. Finding myself as an adult still going there, but not as frequent as I had other avenues to use for safety (i.e. la-la land).
When I catch myself still now seeking this peaceful time, it is usually when I am under a lot of emotional stress. Disappointed that I am not physically present as a child on that swing when reality hits me once again.
Okay, why did I share this? I have always tried to explain this important focal point to my first t. and she did not get it. So I gave up. But for some reason, here comes my "Spirit" urging me on to try once again to share. And to share with you all.
So, in re-reading this entry, I come close to explaining the feelings I was experiencing and the peacefulness (something I have not had in ages) inside me. Though writing the emotion and experiencing the emotion in my mind and heart are two different things.
In essence this is where I went to be safe.