"Yet a time is coming
and has now come when the true worshipers will worship
the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the
kind of worshipers the Father seeks." - John 4:23

My Heavenly Daddy is healing
me from the inside out.

Transparency is Real.
Many times painful.

Daddy let me be secure in You only!

Monday, March 14, 2011


Reading this devotional by Henri Nouwen puts into perspective each and every one of us who have been broken. Or on their way to full brokenness. Just how unique our brokenness is to us. To God. To others. How our pain is so very personal to us. There are no two human beings who will experience the "exact" same pain of brokenness. We all have our own uniqueness to being broken.

Emotional scars take longer to heal than physical ones. My main goal is to find healing in God.

I have found out in my brokenness that my hidden wounds, when I try to stuff them do not heal. If anything they fester. Those hidden wounds that were dormant so long in me are now awakening as my brokenness advances. As my desire to heal increases. Still, I believe the Lord is regulating what memories and feelings I am now experiencing.

I am beginning to feel in my heart and experience in my gut the deep hurt. The knot in my stomach, the trouble swallowing, the continued crying, the anxiety and fear.

The hurt of feeling abandoned, (the divorce of my parents and the ripping apart of my family, leaving my childhood friends, my home) rejected, (the lack of attention and nurturing from my father) ridiculed and criticized (the slamming stinging words from my father when not living up to his expectations).

Many years holding on to my hurts have emotionally drained me. Not releasing my pain. The traumatic times as a child of 10 witnessing my family unit being ripped apart. My parents verbal fighting. My father moving out. My mother re-marring shortly thereafter and her and I having to move far away to start a new life.

Knowing God is my healer I need to reveal my hurt, and as my t. says, fire my "earthly father" and replace him with my "Heavenly Father."

I desire to get to the place where there is total trust in what my Heavenly Father is doing and trusting Him with others to help me along my process in order for me to finally break and be set free!

Our brokenness reveals something about who we are. Our sufferings and pains are not simply bothersome interruptions of our lives; rather, they touch us in our uniqueness and our most intimate individuality. The way I am broken tells you something unique about me. The way you are broken tells me something unique about you. That is the reason for my feeling very privileged when you freely share some of your deep pain with me, and that is why it is an expression of my trust in you when I disclose to you something of my vulnerable side. Our brokenness is always lived and experienced as highly personal, intimate and unique. I am deeply convinced that each human being suffers in a way no other human being suffers.... In fact, I am more grateful for a person who can acknowledge that I am very alone in my pain than for someone who tries to tell me that there are many others who have a similar or a worse pain.

(Henri J. M. Nouwen)


  1. Wow...that is very, very powerful.
    I needed to hear that.
    Oh how the Lord's compassion
    tenders my heart.
    Thank you for this.

  2. beautiful, yet sad thoughts. I never thought about my brokeness being unique. Lately I try not to think about it at all. Thank you for posting this.

  3. JBR you're plugging along doing what you can do and letting God do what He needs to do. Getting in touch with your feelings is painful, but necessary. God Bless.

  4. Absolutely and sadly so true!! I tried to stuff my brokenness many times, for many year. But that does not let ourselves heal, just fester like you said. Causing us to have even more bent up emotions inside of us, that eventually will come out and not always in 'healthy' way.

    Girl, you help me understand and accept myself, my own process, more than you could know. Thank you for being so open, honest and REAL!!! You help me and so many many of us!!!

    Love you!
    Coreen xoxoxo

  5. Sometimes, I think it will take a lifetime to heal the emotional scars. Just when I think I totally have a grasp on it....something rears its ugly head. Yes, NO two circumstances are the same, however I am thankful I am not in this alone...though I would NOT wish the pain on anyone!
    Blessings, hugs, and prayers,

  6. HI JBR-

    I hope and pray that beyond the brokenness and pain you feel whole and free. I learned for myself that my journey to wholeness and wellness had to have a beginning a middle and an end. Otherwise....well, it is always broken -painful - and sad. Look for the freedom your truth holds beyond the sorrow. k?
    Love to you

  7. henry nouwen is such a wonderfully deep and present
    teacher. i'm so glad you are spending time under his

    i pray that this healing will come as deeply as the Lord's
    love for you.

  8. You always have the BEST quotes. You moved me very much so with this one by Nouwen because it is so true. I appreciate it when another can see my suffering as an individual experience and not a universal one. Because then you feel defective for not overcoming the sadness as some others do. It just isn't fair to compare suffrage. Excellent post!

  9. Our emotional scars are so deep, but I do believe they can be healed. You are doing all the right things, now we need the time. God's peace be with you. ((((((JBR)))))))

  10. I'M RIGHT ON THE SAME PAGE AS YOU JUST. YOU'VE HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD WHEN IT COMES TO ANY KIND OF HEALING. YES WE ALL ARE MADE UP DIFFERENTLY. RESPOND DIFFERENTLY. ADAPT DIFFERENTLY. LIKE WHAT THE FOLLOWING SAYS Our brokenness is always lived and experienced as highly personal, intimate and unique. I am deeply convinced that each human being suffers in a way no other human being suffers.... THIS POST SPEAKS VOLUMES TO ME.

  11. i love nouwen...he has such a way with getting to the heart...as much as we are different i thinkwe all can relate in the pain we have been throguh and encourage each other through our honesty as we walk out of it together...

  12. I agree with you-- we can never really know someone else's pain. But I have also found that a lot of things we experience are remarkably similar. I think that's why people search for a community of support-- for example, AA, OA, etc.-- because there are people who "get it" more than the average person. I hope I can be part of your community.


    Wishing you well,

  13. Oh JBR! I'm am so sorry that you suffered so much as a child. God never wants anything but the best for us but people have free will and their poor choices affect those around them including innocent children as in your case. May the Lord continue to heal these childhood wounds of yours, my sweet friend. I am sending you a "spiritual hug" and I am praying for you.

  14. I love this post. It's so true. "We're as sick as our secrets" is an AA saying. I've found in my life that trying to stuff things never heals them. Everything has to be brought out so God's light can shine on them in order to heal. Praying for your healing.